Miserable friend

It sounds like she's put up with this behaviour to keep the peace or maybe there are other factors you're unaware of - he could have depression, MS or be on the autistic spectrum for example. Ask her and be frank about your observations and feelings. She may be carrying a huge burden here that you as a friend can help with. On the other hand tread carefully - it's possible he's driven friends away before and she will have her pride, and is possibly feeling isolated. Perhaps you and her could have a short weekend break away somewhere without hubbys to break up the tradition of all four of you going for a week? It's possible he has something like depression, MS or autism. On the other hand he could just be being a self-absorbed moody arse! Also just because she doesn't address is (probably keeping the peace), there's nothing to say if the four of you are away together that you should hold it! It's not your marriage. Alternatively could your bloke have a pint with him and address it? Good luck.

By the way, he wasn't mentally ill or autistic. Some people are just self-centred deeply unpleasant people which isn't a feature of mental illness or autism.

I knew a couple like this. She was lovely, he was a complete pain in the fundament. It was my eldest who gave him a few home truths (stroppy teenagers can be magnificent). After her saying her piece he stomped off in high dudgeon, the wife stayed and we barely saw him after that. I think he was so embarrassed by being put down by a thirteen year old.
Here's a precis of her diatribe.
Do you think you get invited because people like you? No, it's because your wife is so fab while you are barely tolerated. I know five year olds with better manners. If I was your wife I would have divorced you years ago. I've tried hard to think of something positive about you and the best I can come up with is that your shoes are quite nice.

kick him into touch, life is too short, maybe he is mentally ill, if so he should get help,dont be his therapist.My father was like this till he died at 93,if i could put the clock back, i would have walked away when i was 21.Toxic people only take from others and life.

He's being incredibly rude.
I wouldn't put up with it but maybe you could just invite your friend and not her DH.
It goes without saying that she knows he does it, maybe for attention, but that doesn't mean it's acceptable.
It isn't.
Be honest and tell her why you feel he spoils the atmosphere and you don't want future holidays or visits spoilt with his childish moody silences.
I don't put up with moods. Tell him straight.

Have you known this couple 10 or more years? Has he always been like that? If so, could he be on autistic spectrum...

If it’s a newish thing, could it be early onset Parkinson’s disease, one symptom can be depression,not wanting company, finally, early onset ( don’t know how old you are!)
Dementia, which had myriad symptoms, not appreciating how your behaviour impacts others etc...
I agree with everyone else, he needs the “cold shoulder “ treatment, IF he’s not quite ill.

Would wife be able to persuade him to go for a ‘well man’ checkup?
Best of luck! ????

This man may be bi-polar or similar and whilst I appreciate it is difficult for you, his wife may need your company in order for her to have a break. I think you should talk to your friend about your worries about how to handle things.

I actually think its about control. When in one of these moods I expect all of you, but definitely his wife make him the centre of attention. Poor wife is probably very embarrassed about it but powerless. If either you or your husband is brave enough to tackle him about it you'd probably be helping his wife.

Even if this guy has some sort of problem, it's not likely to be anything you can solve. If he's got serious long term issues he needs professional help & that's certainly not something you want to cope with on an expensive holiday, that's meant to be a time of relaxation and enjoyment!
Can you talk to your friend on her own to find out tactfully if she needs some sympathetic support? It must surely make her miserable & uncomfortable too. Whatever the cause, you shouldn't ruin your precious holiday time any longer. I'd just make my own plans and if the topic of holidays comes up just say what you will be doing. You never know, your friend may be grateful to you for ending a difficult situation without digging into their private problems.

He sounds a right moody-b*gger attention seeker! Life's too short for tip-toeing around these Primma Donna types. You need to discreetly but definitely put some space between you and this other couple.

Perhaps you should see your friend, his wife, on her own sometimes, go for lunch or coffee. If they live a distance from you, perhaps you could meet her for a weekend, or just a day somewhere between your homes.
I wouldn’t go on holiday with them for sure.

I would speak to his wife in the 1st instance to find out if anything is wrong.
This is just a thought but maybe he does not want to go on these holidays or stay at other peoples homes. Maybe he goes because his wife wants him too. I think also like another poster said maybe she could meet up with you on her own.

I think Sodapop gave excellent advice - talk to his wife first, or just talk to him,alone, and say his not talking is difficult and uncomfortable for you and ask him to change this behaviour - to join in in a friendly way. Ask if there is a problem or issue here and listen openly and without blame to what he says. It may help his wife if you to speak up and show him that others dislike this behaviour - it is the behaviour you dislike, but you are ready to like him as a person and listen to what he says.

hmmm... cancel your invite so he'll have a good reason to sulk this time!!! He might also wonder why you cancelled it...

Personally I wouldn't tolerate this behaviour, has his wife never spoken to you about it all just out of sheer embarrassment ? Hard to know what to do without upsetting his poor long suffering wife. Like others I would ignore him totally, then when he snapped out of his childish tantrum, tell him you don’t want to talk now, you are having a paddy too !

Pull him up on it and ask him what the problem is . Address the elephant in room and tell him a few home truths , how it makes everyone uncomfortable . If he doesn't like it , he knows what he can do .

Sounds like my ex husband. Petulant and moody man just brings everyone down. Cancel.

Unless you want to get more frustrated and upset by his behaviour. I think you should gently ask his wife first and if no luck, sit him down and have a chat. I couldn't do holidays with difficult people any more, my ex husband was certainly one of them, it's exhausting and upsetting. Good luck x

Ignore him completely from the time the sulks start: COMPLETELY. The worst thing to do is to try and "bring him back" into the group with "Cuppa tea?", or "Dinner's ready". It's oxygen to him. Just get on with whatever you've planned to do, ignoring him completely. Pretend he's invisible - don't even have a place setting for him. Make your plans for the day without him. I guarantee you, 24 hours of this is the most he can take.

Apologies, thought the first post hadn't worked!

If he doesn't want to be there, could he not stay at home and his wife come on her own?

Personally I wouldn’t go away with someone again who was moody , why would you, and risk having him spoiling things for three other people, nor would I want him in my house for a week either, I would ask your friend why he behaves like it, shame when you get on well with his wife

If he doesn't want to be there, couldn't the wife come on her own while he stays at home?

Goodness....a week? That’s a long time for a visit. Maybe if you can’t find out why he is like this ignore it....act like you don’t notice. Organise outings and he can stay home. I’m amazed that his wife hasn’t explained to you.

Whilst I agree real friends do go through the ups and downs with you, time moves on and it is probably right to stop the holidays together. You could speak to his wife about it first and make sure nothing medical is going on. As for the house staying, we never stay with anybody for more than two nights and generally don't have them here for longer. We are all older now and more set in our ways. If he does it in your house I would confront him, it doesn't have to be a row perhaps just concern for his obvious unhappiness.