Child and spousal maintenance......

There may be no spousal maintenance but child maintenance does not necessarily go to the children. My ex DIL uses hers for nights out, clothes for herself and holidays. DS and myself pay for all the children's school and ex curricular activities, most of their school uniform and other clothes and shoes when they don't have them. DS pays according to CMS guidelines. She threatens but does not go to CMS because she knows she is likely to get less.

Yes Paddy I agree with you. Even though we had our own family expenses I never, ever begrudged his maintenance to his first child.

My son in the US would be delighted if all he had to pay was £400 per month for his two children! But he will have to pay some spousal maintenance as his youngest child is only two years old.

My son pays £400 a month for his two, when he was training in the job he's doing and his salary dropped back during that period we topped that maintenance up to the full amount. I buy them school shoes and other miscellaneous items when he brings them to stay with us every other weekend. I try to maintain a good relationship with their mother, even though their split was down to her having an affair, conducted whilst he was at work. However, we have to move on for the sake of the children and we remain on talking terms, I resist getting into text wars with her and try and keep our relationship cordial, I will always invite her in if she drops them round. He's moved on to subsequent partner. Fathers that split from the mother still need to make those children their priority in contributing to their upbringing.

Nanny27 harsh as it seems I think thats right .My ex SIL pays a few pounds now and then when he's been nagged by my daughter .His view is their stepfather should keep them! He went to to have another child with his new wife so she is his priority which in my book is very very wrong ,I dont wish his wee one any harm ,she's a lovely wee girl but he shouldn't be having more children when he's not supporting the ones he has.I think that is a horrible thing for any "man" to do .His PRIORITY should be the two he had first ...he knew and apparently loved them for 7 years before his new bit on the side showed up .Why should his children suffer because he couldn't keep it in his pants?

Kitty , what an admission from the Idiot!

I dont think it is. I think the point is that it is only the couple. Some mediators are solicitors.

Our Idiot proudly told the mediator that he had arranged his finances to to reduce his maintenance payments and that he hated DD more than he loved the children and his actions would reflect that.

Is it possible to take a solicitor to mediation?

Interestingly, I have just found out that in Colorado, they look at a spouses potential earnings rather than actual ones. So my soon to be ex DIL might not get as much money as she wants from my son.

She makes one excuse after another not to get a permanent job which has led to huge financial problems and ultimately to the divorce. But she did study for a Masters degree ( yet another delaying tactic) which will now bite her in the bum as her earning potential is much higher.

Sorry to hear that jackypat. They are there to help from both sides, but if one won't co-operate it is useless. My ex SIL didn't even turn up, leaving DD to pay the fee.

Meeting did not go well, he reduced her to tears and the meeting continued in separate rooms. No specifics were discussed either. Not looking forward to next meeting.

Please approach CAP-Christians Against Poverty-to deal with debts. You don’t have to be a Christian! In my experience they can help clear debts. The credit card debts incurred fraudulently by other halves need to be written off-it won’t happen if you don’t ask/insist! My heart aches for all your struggling families

If your daughter believes he is not being truthful, she can always hire a forensic accountant.

Not sure about equity if not married and even then there is a need to establish how much DD contributed towards property and again it would need to be in joint names. I've heard various reports from wonen about the meagre amounts paid for CM. as it seems to be easy to falsify income and expenditure. Good Luck to DD, hope she finds a solution in her favour.

Think spousal maintenance is pretty rare these days. I remember years ago when my aunt got married her husband had to pay both child and spousal maintenance, he had 3 children, after the 1st child was born he and his 1st wife had made the decision that she gave up work to raise the children...... going back almost 50 years.

Didn’t get anything from my ex for our daughter, except a load of gambling debts he ran up on my credit card whilst I was at work....

I don’t understand spousal support ? My brother has had to dish out shedloads of money for spousal support yet a young (in formally adopted daughter) of mine got zero even though husband earns and divorced her after going off with someone when she was pregnant! Does it depend on the lawyer?

Dd's ex always calls it 'your money' as she obviously uses to treat herself rather than it buying the children food, shoes, uniforms, clubs etc.

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My ex SIL walked out on my DD and three GC - he had already started another relationship and they moved in together shortly afterwards when her OH found out she was cheating on him and he threw her out of the house. Since then they have had two children together (plus the three she had with OH) and he owes my DD over £3,000 in child maintenance which he claims he cannot pay and he has now resigned from his job so technically has no income (his new partner is claiming benefits). He has paid nothing for two years towards the upkeep of my three GC, told them to tell my DD that she needed to get them better mobile phones as the phone signal here is rubbish, and told them to tell her that she needed to drive the 300 miles to him to take them to see him as he has 'no money' and DD lives in a 'posh house'. DD works full time in a demanding job so she has enough money to make ends meet but he seems to think that absolves him from any financial commitment to his own children. Really irritates me that he always portrays himself as the wronged person and the CMS is useless - even when he was paying for a few weeks because they deducted the money directly from his salary (which is why he resigned his job) it was only £20 per week per child, he'd had paid much more than that if they were still a couple!

My ex only paid £14 every fortnight that lasted for 6 months . My son has an agreement with his ex that he goes half on clothes /school uniform and anything else required school trips etc . They then buy their own bits a pieces , do their own days out birthdays , Christmas . Anything else is up for negotiation and is working quite well fortunately.

My dh paid maintenance for his daughter through CMS. It is set at 15% of his income regardless of any other expenses. Our children were not considered in the calculation. If he had had more than one child it would have been a further 5% for each child.

Elaine - that's awful

£200 wouldn't pay for much nursery time if mum is expected to work (And govt paying nursery fees us only for term time?)

I think £200 pm for one child isn't bad as maintenance as I said, upthread, DD gets £300 for 2 through CMS.