Am i being treated like a mug.

That is a big commitment! 6 weeks full time care! I think it is too late for now but book a holiday , asap, for you to be away during Oct half term!

Why aren’t the parents looking after them during the school holidays?

Possibly because like my AC they only get 4 weeks annual holiday per year Craicon and 2 of them are set, shut downs. My son and DiL usually have to take their holidays separately to look after the children. I take my holidays split up so I can do another week or 2 . It’s very hard for some working parents.

I have to say though Bopeep expecting you to do the entire 6 weeks seems very unreasonable to me and I can’t see why the parents and other grandparents (assuming they are fit and well) can’t do a share.

BooPeep, you need to harden up and take control. Work out what YOU want to do regarding time and tell the parents. They will just have to make other arrangements. What happens when you are ill? They are the parents and so should take responsibility. Just say no more.

I love my Grandchildren but would not do what you do.

You shouldn't have agreed to look after your grandchildren so much in the first place. One day off a week for you is ridiculous. If your children can't see how unfair that is on you, you have brought them up to be very selfish, I'm afraid.

I have two daughters and I told them once a week each family and odd babysitting in the evening and any emergency cover is enough. I am 67 and still work odd hours too and I want to enjoy some retirement while I am fit enough.

It's time to give them notice you are cutting back- there will be club activities the parents can enrol them in and childminders may have vacancies over the summer. Guess what, they will have to pay for someone to look after their OWN children or stagger their own holidays separately.

I expect you have been providing all their meals too. Why do grandparents get themselves into this situation unless they absolutely want to do it. I don't think you can tell the other grandparents when they can take their holiday but you can have holidays yourself whenever you please as well, so I suggest some of those could be in the school holiday time. Remind your family of that and do it now.

Just a little clarification, yes I know I am doing to much child care unfortunately what I have done for one child I have to do for the others, so yes I feel obliged.
No I don’t get paid, it is actually costing money buying food etc that my husband and I don’t eat.
My son unfortunately has used all his annual leave due to having an operation earlier this year he doesn’t get paid sick pay.
While I understand it’s not the other grandparents responsibility to provide child care if the situation was reversed I would have offered myself, I am just really annoyed that they are taking the same week, but then again some people just don’t think of others.
I wish I could just put my foot down and say enough is enough but I know if I did I would put both sets of parents in a bad financial situation and I don’t want that on my conscience.

It is time that there were proper subsidised holiday camps for children. So many families are reliant on full time work by both parents. My DDs are lucky..one is a teacher so more flexible during school holidays & other is self employed & partner a fire fighter so some shift work helps. I & other granny plus day camps etc fill in the gaps!,

I totally understand your predicament BoPeep . Although I don’t do nearly as much as you do, I do a lot of childcare and sometimes feel my life is not my own . I don’t begrudge a minute of it mind you as my parents never do much as babysat !

I agree it was rather selfish for the other Gp’s to take the same week as you DiL which could have given you at least a one week break . I really feel for those young parents who only have the bare minimum of annual leave and it’s impossible to stretch 4 weeks leave to cover 13 weeks holiday plus all the in- services, sick days and school closures .

Bopeep, I think you are mad and a martyr. Surely you do not need to ask advice when you must know that you are doing far, far more childcare than anyone else you or anyone else knows. Why do you do it and also why do your children expect or demand that you do. You really are a mug but perhaps you see that as your role in life, being a slave to everybody, your children, the other parents. You are being used and abused. I feel so sorry that you have got yourself into this situation and only you can get yourself out as clearly your children are not going to be concerned that you are doing too much. You must be “ good old mum “ who can just be taken advantage of until .... well who knows what ? You just can’t continue like this, love yourself a bit and change.

Bopeep....MUG!!

Parental leave to look after children is a right for most people. The employment laws allow for this. Maybe some of the other Grans could give you more information than I have. Know my daughter and her husband both have employers who give them leave during school holidays to allow for this.

Try asking a factory to have 13 weeks ( and more) holiday for childcare nipsmum ! What a joke that would be . Also how on earth could most normal people manage without 13 plus weeks pay ?

What would they do if you were taken ill? They would have to work something out then and as you asked some time ago for different arrangements to be made just for one week, they really are taking the mick!
I think they have just slid into assuming that you will do it without even thinking about you. Time to put your foot down now!

I think it may be too late to change for this year but you really must get some time off. There must be 4 parents who each have a right to 28 days holiday so if one from each family go at the same time and then the others go that gives you 56 days off a year and you should be the one who decides when those days are. Of course the bank holiday dates are set but the rest of it is usually flexible. You can't force the other GP to help but you can be firm with your children without putting them in financial difficulties. Are any of the children old enough for the free nursery places?

I would tell them that you are unable to participate in so much childcare because your health is suffering. I actually know a couple who split up in their 60s because of child care. Grandpa was tired of not being able to do anything in his retirement and Grandma felt she couldn't say no. Obviously a very rare case but it must impact on your relationship.

At one time I was looking after my two young grandsons one afternoon a week and to be quite honest I found that to be more than enough.

I love all my grandchildren but I'm not available for constant babysitting and my children know this. And we all get along just fine as well!

Bopeep I take my hat off to you! You are definitely not being unreasonable! Six days a week is plenty - you need a good long break in the summer, not just two weeks! And certainly not one! It may not be possible to change things this year (?) but you definitely should sit down with DiL and sort this out. ? And for your efforts so far!

Absolutely. Tell them if you do not get childcare sorted to something more manageable you will end up unwell and unable to provide any care at all.

In answer to your question BoPeep, you are not being unreasonable, you are being taken advantage of. Remember for another year and you tell your daughter when you will have them rather than let her dictate the arrangement.

Bopeep get everyone together and try to come up with a plan for sharing more of the child care. They should not be making you feel obligated to do all this.
When my children were young my husband worked 9-5 Mon to Fri and I worked evenings and weekends. This was the same for most of our friends. Parents helped occasionally or for short periods between one of us leaving and the other getting home.

I have looked after my older 2 grandchildren , alternating with the other grandparents. They are teenagers now.
I have A new group of 4 'toddling' grandchildren , via my 2 sons. But, I told them right from the start, I was too old to startregular childcare again. They fully understand although I occasionally babysit, which is a fairly easy. They are usually in bed by the time I get there. So. If you lay your cards on the table, right from the start, you will have a smoother ride.
My gosh....you really are being taken advantage of!!!

All that free childcare and they are not even giving you the cost of feeding them? With respect, your children are leeches!

I used to be a childminder. When it started to become too much for me I retired from it. When my daughter and SIL decided that they wanted to start a family I made it clear that I would not consider being a full-time carer. I would gladly do the odd week or two, cover for sickness, and babysit now and then, but that was IT! They were perfectly happy with that, and the children went to nursery.

If you can't afford to pay for childcare, then tough - don't have children! I think that most of we GP got little or no help from our own parents. I was a stay-at-home mum, and child-minded to provide some extra income. Money was tight, but we managed by careful budgeting.

Tell these selfish people that you can no longer cope with the amount of childcare you have been doing. If it hits them financially, well, that is their problem. They have taken advantage of you for far too long.

You are doing an awful lot of childcare , they are really taking you for a ride. Come on speak up love . It’s not right you need a well earned break. Before you get ill

BoPeep, this is all your choice. You have chosen to to do what you want and you are choosing to not do anything about it but whine, play the victim and judge other people who are also just doing what they want.

Either do something to change your situation or stop complaining about it.

I think it's harsh to label yourself a mug, you are obviously quite a selfless person, but clearly you are being taken advantage of. It's the parents responsibility to sort out the childcare and whilst you could say the other grandparents aren't pulling their weight, it is a grandparents' prerogative not to do any childcare at all if they so wish. My late mother in law would say to my husband when he had his first children with ex wife, "you had them dear so you can look after them" whenever he comes out with that line, which he often does, I tend to respond with "very unhelpful given they were youngish grandparents at the time" However, I think there should be a happy medium between not doing anything as a grandparent and the heavy burden you have taken on or have had foisted upon you.

We have our grandchildren every other weekend with our son, since he split from their mother, as well as random days in school holidays. Sometimes it feels as if your life and home has been taken over. Having said that I don't want to be a "hands off grandma" neither would I want it to take over my whole life as you have allowed it. I do think you need to set some parameters and cut down your hours get the parents to sort out some additional arrangements. You don't say how old you are but bloody hell six weeks of continuous child care would be enough to finish most of us mere mortals of a certain age off.

I do hope you manage to sort out something that is not so all encompassing, you definitely need some time out.

Best wishes

Yes you are, but I think probably you are happy enough to do it generally.

The other grandparents could have helped out this summer. However, it's your children who are the people who are really taking advantage of your good nature. If you have always done everything for them, they won't ever consider you, unless you choose to speak up.

Why do you do 6 days a week? Can't the parents cover that 6th day?

Sooner or later your age and health will mean you just can't do as much. Then they will have to make other arrangements. What about your own social life? I assume there isn't much time for it. Is your husband happy with this life too?

As the grandchildren get older and more independent, you won't be needed and won't see them as much. Then you will have to make friends/get a social life of your own, to fill the void. You could tell them now that it's getting harder for you, and ask them to cut down the days, even by one or two, by next Spring.