Help me deal with paternal grandparents mainly MIL?

I look after DGD one day a week, it's great; I see it as we're laying the foundations for our lifelong relationship. It is completely different from being with her when either/both parents are there.

MiL has started this special relationship, and wants it to continue. Personally I think the weekend is family time for mum, dad and baby, but then that only fits if all work Monday to Friday.

I think you are being very reasonable, you no longer need the baby to be minded one day a week, why on earth would you carry on with an arrangement which isn’t necessary

Their attitude worries me a bit, why do they need to have the baby on their own?

Welcome them into your own home, and maybe it would be mutually beneficial for you to pop out to the hairdresser, or meet a friend for coffee, but never forget, your baby

She's probably very upset. Her little once a week companion isn't there any more. She'll have forged a bond with him.

I totally understand your point of view but I can see how upsetting this is to her. She's cutting off her nose to spite her face but is beyond reasoning with at the moment.

Hopefully she'll get over it and come and visit you all at your home. No strings. I'm sure in the future you'll be happy for her to take him for the odd day here and there. Maybe you could tell her that ?

I wonder how much warning you gave your MIL about what was going to happen? It doesn't sound as if there has been much discussion. If she was landed with this suddenly her reacion is understandable. You might also like to consider the long term effects and the future. Are you planning on being a permanent SAHM? Or will you be returning to work and in need of childcare at some time? If you want to have the support and help of your MIL you are going to have to make some gesture towards her,perhaps arranging a half day or some other regular contact at her house. She probably re-arranged her life to provide a day's care for you when you were working couldn't you at least allow her some time with your baby now?

It seems strange to me that you didn't take the statutory maternity leave during the first months of your DS's life, bonding with him, feeding him, looking after him yourself, instead of constantly 'pumping' .

Or is it me?
Do they do things differently in the US, if that is where you are?

Your MIL has got used to having her DGS when it suited you and was convenient for you. Can you not go over to see her, or, as someone suggested, leave him with her while you go shopping etc?

...If after all that they choose not to engage then sadly that is their choice. Just leave the door open as above and wait. But your husband has to stand with you

In the end you and your husband need to agree what you want for your child, tell MIL together and stick to it. But that can be clearly stated whilst also saying how much you appreciate their help so far and that you would really appreciate being able to leave the baby for a couple of hours when you need a haircut/ for a break/ do some shopping or whatever. Also how lovely if they could pop in to see you and the baby but not at weekends at the moment as you are busy. Maybe you could pop in to them occasionally too?

If your husband is telling his mother to "convince you" then he is not being loyal to you and is not acting in the best interests of your partnership. Talk to him about that too...otherwise as your child grows and potentially other things arise with his parents, he us likely to similarly abdicate responsibility.

MIL is desperate to hold on to the burgeoning relationship with her grandchild ..and is being somewhat tactless and unfair to you in her desperation! Some firm kindliness as part of some honest conversation could set the pattern for the future in the way you want.

At the end of the day this is your son and you have to do what you feel is the right thing to do. Your husband should also make sure that he backs you up. If they decide not to come over because they can't have their way then that is their loss. You have left the door open and I imagine that they will want to come around at some stage. Your family, your rules.

Your MIL probably loved having her grandson every week and got attached to him as is only natural. Grandparents often feel as close to and loving to their grandchildren as they do their own children (I do not mean in a possessive way just in a loving way). You allowed your MIL to have your son when it was convenient for you but now that you don’t want to work anymore you want to end the arrangement. I can understand your reasoning but also understand that your MIL might be upset.
You say in your post “she wants us to drop him off at her house for full days or us to take him to her”. Why can’t you do the latter? If you don’t want to leave him with her why can’t you go to her house with him sometimes? Your MIL has been deemed to be safe to look after your son until he was 8 months old could you not return the favour a bit and allow her to see him in her own home sometimes?

Just seen its been 2 weeks that she hasn't seen him because she doesnt want to come round and see him. That's them doing that, not you.
The door is open and they are choosing not to see him.

Just crack on doing what you're doing.

I agree with Gonegirl. You were happy for them to have your son when you needed them! Make the most of the offer and as GG says, whilst you are breastfeeding maybe just leave him for a couple of hours and then build it up as he gets older. Lots of mums would be so happy to have the help they are offering and a bit of time to themselves and I'm sure you will too as your son gets older.

don't know where that rogue is exclamation mark came from.

Couldn't you visit for half a day now and again and then go out shopping or something! so they have the baby to themselves for a couple of hours? They have been very good to you. It must be hard for them to not have their grandchild at their house at all now.

Circumstances have changed now so you and your husband don't need child care. You're not at work so you don't need somone to watch your child for a full day because you are there.

You've given up work for that reason so you are a SAHM. You havn't said she can't see him just that she doesn't need to have him for the full day.

There's not much really you can say or do just stick to your guns and hopefully she will come round. I understand she must be upset as she got to spend a full day with him so tread carefully.

My husband feels stuck in between his mother wishes and me. He takes my side but mother in law continues to insist by calling him about it and I just want him to tell her it’s his decision as well otherwise he makes it seem I’m the only one keeping the baby from them. He tells his mother to call me and convince me.

Don’t make an argument. You’ve set your boundary and left the door open to them. Now leave them to it. Don’t chase them or beg or bend to their will.
If they want to cut their nose off to spite their face then that’s their choice.

No it’s your baby your rules. You are not saying MIL can’t visit it’s her problem if she doesn’t come. You obviously tried going back to work but didn’t like it so you changed your mind. That’s fine you didn’t realise how much you would miss the baby when you were at work. I’m sure MIL enjoyed having him to herself but he is YOUR BABY! What does your partner think?