Bad mother ?

Thank you Tillybelle and crazy H. Yes, like you have forked out for big family get togethers and might have considered it on this occasion but I was really concerned we would have to cancel our part in it at the last minute. So perhaps it appeared selfish to my girls that we kept to friends and as simple as possible.
I find organising big parties, venues, food etc. exhausting now.

Or Kind Mum, crazyH maybe?

Blossom, congratulations to you and MrB on your Diamond Wedding Anniversary. I see what you mean about a big party and you having to pay for it. My BIG birthday is due, and guess what, I am paying to take all 7 of them and 4 babies to London for the weekend. I am paying for the hotel stay and I suggested they pay for the meals. I think I have MUG written all over me ?

I am sorry they didn't acknowledge your birthday a bit more, it seems birthdays like Chri.... cards are now optional to parents. Perhaps try and make a definite date to see the GC you are missing and yes tell them to speak to each other.

Been there done that. One of my girls even disowned me as her mother and told me that she isn't my daughter and to never even mention her name.. that was 5 years ago. I learnt the hard way not to try and help with their personal problems...

I have read/lived this script before & I'd recommend if you have a partner - just go on a cruise and chill out and relax and say nothing about going - families can make you weary, and whilst they are busy and buzzy as young, we carry it deeply and let it upset and depress us - you owe them zero - get out and cruise and enjoy your latter years for you - and your close partner/husband/friend. Enjoy dear heart, you earned it. xx

Caramelkeg I have been wondering if my offspring have noticed how many dogs I have moved in with me........
Ahhh! So much easier!

blossom14.
Many Congratulations to you both on your Diamond Wedding!
That is a wonderful achievement!
It is lovely to hear about people who have been together for such a long time. I hope your dear Husband's health holds out well and yours too and that you enjoy much more happiness together.
????????

We go along nicely for months, and then something crops up, and we’re off again!

We have two daughters in very different circumstances, we tend to help out a bit more with the grandchildren who don’t have as much, I suppose we know in our hearts that we’re not always scrupulously fair, but we don’t like seeing them going without. I think we’re very generous with all of them, but if daughter no1 gets a sniff of unfairness, it all kicks off.

I think we’re about to enter one of those phases now, but I intend to keep out of it as far as possible

Nanaval you sound very sad and lonely. Is there anywhere you can go to make friends.?

Next time you see them say 'I don’t want to spoil the surprise of whatever you are planning to celebrate my big birthday, but could you just let me know when it is so I can make sure I am free'...or 'I was wondering when you are planning to give my my xth birthday gift? Should we book A date?' If nothing is forthcoming, you know what to do on their birthdays.

Namsnanny, we are all well used to our family volcano. Eruptions are fierce, but do not last long. And as I was the cause of all the problems, I grovelled, apologised and tried to sort the problem out and flowers are always difficult to resist when they arrive out of the blue.

Fortunately, I tend to stand back and let situations roll. They usually sort themselves out and things get back to normal

Doings....I too have one of those!!

Kittylester...?

I’m glad your situation with your daughter has been ironed out Monica!
It takes give and take on both sides to work doesn’t it?

Being honest, i remember being annoyed at my sister many years ago when our families were younger. And I remember moaning to my mum about it quite a lot as I didn't see a lot of my sister at that time. Many years later and I'm the go between I really regret this, and wish I could take it back as I knew there was nothing my mum could do about it, hopefully it will all work out with your family.

Step back. Do not get involved. A core feature of so many threads is grandparents getting far too involved in their AC's lives, especially relationships between siblings.

Do not have expectations about how you will be treated. Just accept life as it comes. It is amazing how kind and caring children are when they are not labouring under the burden of parental expectations.

As for the 'bad mother' bit, of course AC say that when they are angry, they know it is the one thing that gets under our skins. DD, who has never knowingly under reacted to any situation, lost her cool with me last weekend. Entirely my fault I had forgotten to do something that was important to her. She rang me up and was very angry and called me all kinds of things, including being a bad mother.

As I was in the wrong I sent her flowers and an apology and within two days it was as if it had never happened.

Step back and appreciate what attention you do get.

I definitely think that it's best for our age group to mix with our contemporaries, rather than relying on the grown-up kids. I am trying very hard to establish my own life and not helicopter over theirs, nor expect much of them in the way of ... well anything really! That way I'm not disappointed!

This week DH and I celebrated our Diamond Wedding Anniversary. As he has been so very up and down since his stroke last year, leading to many last minute cancellations of social outings, I arranged an afternoon tea with old friends at an hotel 5 minutes away.
I posted a photo on face book and the result was some lovely comments from friends and lukewarm ones/or non at all from family. So there you have it. Not really interested in 60 years hard work.
I am trying to be pragmatic as they were not there on the original day. Also if I had organised and paid for a big "do" I am sure they would have all turned up.

]

As for the birthday, a card at least would have been nice. Maybe, this is the way of the younger generation, try not to be too hurt. ?

I'm happy to say mine never have spats. Touch wood!!

Grown up children can be so ungrateful
They are very different these days & hurtful too
One needs a thick skin to be a Mother !!!

You can outgrow wanting to settle squabbles. Get busy - anything at all but you need to have no time for this. How will they manage when you are 'out of the picture'?

I agree Houseseller if you totalled it up would be quite a sum. My daughter once told ne you can't buy people with money. Which is true but still.... I think we need to concentrate on ourselves more.

Sadly, I fear we may have spoiled them. I am so sorry Babs54. Try and ride the storm, and have friends of your generation if you can. It may seem a cold sort of comfort to hear how many of us have had similar experiences.
I like the idea of inviting friends to tea for a belated birthday party for yourself. ?