To relocate or not?

We're doing this at the moment. We live in a small village with few amenities about an hour and a half from our daughter. We are moving to another village but it has a shop, post office, fish and chip shop and two pubs. There is a bus to the nearest city every 20 minutes. We will be about half an hour from our daughter. We are aged 66 and 62 - selling our period house was a challenge but we managed it. Doing all the paperwork was horrific and we said how glad we have bitten the bullet to do it now, while we are still mentally alert and fairly fit. I will be looking after our daughter's baby for part of the week. Moving near her is only part of our reasoning, it is also for nearness of amenities and also a change. My husband is into volunteering so he'll be ok and I'm into exercise and have made friends previously at various classes. We're feeling very positive. I'm also so happy to be exchanging a period property which is demanding in terms of housework and lots of garden, to a slightly smaller modern house with a small garden. It will be much easier to look after. Life is short, I would definitely go for it! By being part of the grandchildren's life while they are little, you can build a relationship with them.

We have relocated three years ago at age 61 and 65 and are heartily glad we did.

It takes time to make new friends at our age, but it is possible and worth the effort.

It doesn't sound as if staying where you are would be a good thing health wise, or regarding public transport and whatever they politicians say about people needing to work longer as we live longer than previous generations, the day will come when it is inadvisable to drive,

All the above, renting, talking it over with son and family etc. You don't say how old the DGC are but just be aware that after around 12 years of age they do very much have their own lives and their parents are often at the top of their careers so make sure you have your own interests and hobbies. Good luck and possibly welcome to the mad South.

I moved from the north of England to the south east in my mid 60s to be closer to my 2 sons and their families. I rented for a year before deciding exactly where to live. I would definitely recommend doing this, as it gives time to look around before committing to a specific area. I have been here 6 years now and am happy I made the right decision.

Do your son and his family want you to move closer? They have managed so far without you, have you discussed how you will 'slot' into their lives? have they said that they be willing to look after you in old age? Many things to be considered.

Why not rent for a while, as is often suggested, to see how you all get on together in closer proximity. After all, it was your son who chose to live 600 miles away from you in the first place.

We moved from an isolated rural village in Staffordshire to Hampshire two years ago to be nearer to family whilst still young enough to build a new network. For us it has been an extremely positive experience. People have been welcoming and it’s actually given us a new spring in our step!

P.S. if you do not already have one....get a dog. Dog walking is the best way to meet new people in a new area. Dog walkers have the delightful habit of telling you all about their darlings....and then themselves.

We have recently addressed this situation and have moved from a rural area 3 hrs away from closest family to being little more than 20 minutes away. We chose a small village with shop and community with links to a small town 10 minutes away and then a major city 15 miles away with all the good links that creates.
We are mid 60s and early 70s so felt well enough and capable enough of making the choices ourselves. We have done it more to ensure we are not a problem to our children in later life. We have our own lives but will be near enough to them for reciprocal help if and when needed. We had to impose a move on an elderly relative when they left it too late to relocate/down size. It was not pleasant for anyone and it was a salutary lesson. They had lost certain faculties and were unable to make judgements or arrangements of their choice and was dreadfully sad for all concerned. It was very subtle, but age and health problems had created a certain lack of awareness of their situation and subtle hints were no longer enough.
If you want to be nearer your family for logistical and emotional reasons but want to maintain your own identities and lifestyle than you must do it whilst you are still up to making all those informed choices yourselves. Having others influence your choice is never totally satisfactory. Its not easy, moving nowadays is a messy complicated nerve wracking business but all I can say is that we are both waking up in our new home, so much more contented with our lives knowing deep down we have done the right thing. We have never been the sort of family that was in and out of each other's houses at the drop of a hat but all I have to do is make a phone call and coffee and cake is only 20 minutes away or we can all have a lovely walk together anytime. Its wonderful.

We moved back from our home in France to be near our son and his family and haven't regretted it. We had a tough time when we first arrived back in the UK year ago and worried that maybe we should have stayed put but after a couple of months realised we had made the right move. It's wonderful seeing my grandchildren once or twice a week, we are slowly finding new things to become involved in, new people to meet and get to know etc; my husband has even joined 2 ukulele bands and it has given him a new lease of life.
We are both in our early seventies, it is never too late to make a major change in your life..

Good public transport, near shops (plural) and dr. definitely. Library? Things to support your hobbies/interest. Be prepared to join interest groups local college, U3a, at library, WI etc so you can meet people.

Good luck

It's well worth renting for a few months to see what life is really like in the area you are thinking of moving to. We found we were called upon during the week and left alone at weekend and we missed our interests and hobbies back ' home'. It didn't help when DD told us that if we moved closer, she "did not want us living in their pockets". That hurtful comment made us realise that it probably wasn't the right move for us so I am glad we rented instead of committing to buying a property. I know most people have a better experience than us but thought it was worth the cautionary note.

Ps
Don't know where the NOT came from! Ignore..

One friend with 4 children (one abroad, the other 3 lives in different parts of the UK), has chosen to stay in the city she has spent 50 years in and now lives in supported housing and is very active. All her friends have either died or moved away, but she says that she doesn't regret not moving. Her children and grandchildren now visit her regularly. Another friend moved to be nearer her son, DIL and younger children. Her husband died unexpectedly soon afterwards, and she has been, basically, left to get on with it. The children are a bit older now and she rarely sees them (they want to be with their friends instead); DIL has gone back to work full-time and their weekends seem to be spent going away, catching up with friends, etc. She tells me that she feels lucky if she is invited over for Sunday lunch. Her son has now been offered a new job 200 miles away which he has accepted. She is actually looking at moving back nearer her friends. Another friend has moved nearer to her son and his wife, only for her husband to develop Alzheimers, so she is really struggling to look after him, access support, or to help with grandchildren (she can't). She knows that she would have had lots of help had they stayed in their last house. Best to talk to your son and his wife, and encourage them to be honest - parents moving nearer are not always welcome (sadly). Sorry to post negative experiences, but you really need to be aware of all the possible pitfalls. Of course, for you, it might be a really good decision! Talk it over with your son and DIL, then follow your heart.

We took that jump when we were early sixties for the same reasons...

15 years on we are glad we did so...
We have not regretted it at all..
New adventure...
Not
Though grandchildren also move on don't forget...
Join clubs do voluntary work... ETC and make your own lives as well as enjoying you family closer...
Good luck..

Only skimmed the above so probably repeating, sorry. I agree with Missfood but would make it a year so you experience all seasons. Also easier to let out your house for a year.

We have had no problems moving but we hadn't been in one place for a long time.

You can fairly easily make new friends, I do so wouldn't worry about that. I would certainly future proof your choice of home. Ensure that you have good public transport, near to shops, somewhere where there are things going on which interest you.

If you decide to move make sure you have your own life so the family don't feel you depend on them.

Make it an adventure and never look back.

Moving nearer family can be a minefield. The grandchildren grow up and don't need you in quite the same way or go miles away to uni . or other friends. Another consideration as I heard from friends who moved to be near their grown up 'children' is after a while the said children move themselves and everyone is back to square one.Only saying........

The obvious point is that you might make this big move only for your son's family to move away; even if he doesn't feel that to be the case now, circumstances change.

Having said that, you have outlined a number of reasons why this move might be good for you irrespective of your son, and if the time comes years down the line when these factors are serious, establishing a life in a new community may be much more difficult...

My D moved 10 years ago to a nearby town 15 miles away because of her husbands job and better schools for my 4 GC. I don't drive and the direct bus is every 2 hours and none in the afternoon until 6.15pm, Monday to Friday. Weekends its 2 buses x 3 hours, (I don't drive) or two trains x 2 hours and double the price.
After a fraught afternoon trying to get to do the school pick up because of unforseen problems, I'm now seriously considering moving to their town whereas before i would never have considered it. Times change and we need to change with it.
Have you considered moving closer, maybe an hours drive away so that you are still in dependant but closer, maybe in a rural small town or on the coast? Maybe go on holiday in and around the area, for weekends at different times of the year?
It's a huge step to take and I know I'm reluctant to move but can see the benefits. Hard, hard decisions ahead.

Go for it,Tenacious B
I wouldn’t give it a second thought.
There are two excellent reasons for doing so -to be close to your family and also to be close to public transport ,hospitals and shops because as you say as you get older you may not be able or want to drive.
You can take a sleeper up to the highlands about this time of year when it is so beautiful if you feel like it.

If you do it you also need to build your own life too, separate from your families. You cant make them your all.

If you do you will be left wanting and lonely in a few years. Doing something new is always scary. Pros and cons lists are a good idea.

At the end of it it is questioning whether you will regret not doing it if you dont. Pro and con if can you live with the consequences if things dont work out. Thats where building your own life comes into it too

I'd rent a place for a month in the area to which you are thinking of relocating.
Explore it and the local areas, theatres, libraries, shops, dentists, doctor surgeries (do they have a waiting list) hospitals etc.
Look at house prices and council tax charges plus average energy bills for the area and type of property you might purchase.
Are there hobbies you might want to pursue? Is there a good social scene?
Write a tick list and find out as much as you can. You don't jump into a ditch without first calculating it's depth.
Good luck.

My sister stayed in her village because she did not want to leave her friends and social life. The lack of shop and buses didn’t bother her. She could drive or walk the two miles to the nearest small town.

Eight years down the line most of the friends have moved, died or are busy with new grandchildren. The community she stayed for doesn’t exist anymore. She can no longer walk any distance or drive.

She is trying to sell the house and move closer to me and her son but is finding it incredibly stressful now she is older and unwell.

I think I’m saying, if you think you will need to do it at some point, do it now?

Do it! We did a similar thing 4years ago and I have no regrets.

We moved 5 years ago - Midlands to East Sussex. Pleasant surprise - it is much sunnier - unpleasant surprise - the roads are awful. People friendly, (house prices good at the moment). It is an upheaval and tiring, but you do have the chance to remake your life more as you would choose. And of course there are the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune. In our case DH had a cancer diag and treatment the year following the move - some people seemed to suggest a sort of 'Oh if only you hadn't moved...' - What? It would not have happened? - Actually we were near a good centre and had 'the best'. It's a gamble but so is life - have a good look round, but I'd say go for it while you can.

We are in exactly the same position. Whether or not our advice will help is doubtful. However, we are in the throes of relocating from Evian-les-Bains in the beautiful Haute Savoie back to the UK after being absent for 44 years!!! How everything has changed in that time. But at 75 and 74 years old, both of us dread being left on our own [in a foreign country] so we are in the process of buying a property in Dorset. Our children live in Hertfordshire, but will be now in striking distance, whereas before it was a hurdle for them to come to France, and cope with the language difficulties. We are rising to the challenge. Many people have voiced the opinion that we must be mad! But the best advice is to listen carefully to what others have said, and follow your heart = you will know whether it is right or not.