Morbid Thoughts

I agree with the others that it is normal to think of death more as we get older and I too think of it more as I age and contemporaries die but we have to try not to dwell on it. Is it the actual dying you are afraid of or are you just sad that your life will have passed? I have been present at several deaths and I don't think most of us need worry too much about that aspect as most deaths these days are peaceful.
Our deaths affect our families much more than us and I can understand too if it's this aspect you are sad about but unfortunately all we can do is to leave our affairs in reasonable order and hope to leave our loved ones with happy memories. You are not old at 71 and probably have many, many years ahead to enjoy.

I think that a certain fear of death is entirely normal - we are biologically programmed for survival, and acknowledging that this is going to come to an end is bound to be a challenge.

I am forced to think about it quite a bit; my OH is slowly fading away; and my DGC always come out with things like - "If you are going to get a pet you had better do it soon before you die!" - don't you just luv'em!!

The only time that I really think about it is when I wish I could be around to see more of my GC's achievements as the become adults.

I have had two weird collapsing episodes on the last couple of years (the last time left me unconscious for 40 mins) , and once I was out I was out and knew nothing. I found that a comfort in terms of thinking about death.

I would guess that most of us on Gransnet have fewer years ahead than we have behind us. I would guess that most of our families will manage when we're gone, but if they loved us in the first place, they won't stop the loving. I would also guess that some us will go gentle into that good night and some of us will rage, rage – and, sadly, some will have no choice.

It's inevitable that you would think about it. I'm 70 and DH is 81 ....I'm aware that in the natural order of things, he'll probably go before me. It's sad to think of it, but there's nothing we can do about it. We've organised things so that I'll be as comfortable as possible if the inevitable happens. In the meantime we treat life as an adventure to be enjoyed each day.

My friend died last Thursday and it really shocked my DH and me. It made us nicer to each other for a few days as I suppose we realised that one day we wouldn't have each other. Getting over the shock now and getting back to normal. Makes you think though.

B9exchange a bit frustrating must be the understatement of the year!
As you get older it's impossible to not think about death. All you can do is get your affairs in order for some peace of mind. Then enjoy life as much as possible and try to not dwell on it. It's difficult if you have health problems that stop you going out and mixing and doing things you like.. Then you have to really fight to stay positive. (I'm so glad we have Gransnet.) People don't like to talk about it as they might depress their partner. Getting old is not for the fainthearted.
Sebstar what I do is try to book some treats like theatre or concerts. I don't always make them but something to look forward to helps. When you get a sunny day take a picnic and go somewhere nice like a NT property.
I don't actually know what doctors can do about this?

Yes, Sebstar I have the same thoughts too.

I have lots of ailments, some more serious than others and with every scan I have I wonder if the doc will tell me it's 'curtains'.

I also worry that something will happen to my chap. We have been so happy for 15+ years. He's been my knight in shining armour after a dreadful marriage and a life of such anxiety and fear - decades of utter misery which tested me to the limit. He has his faults, we all do, but he is my hero.

I never take him for granted, or indeed the days granted to me. Live for the day is such ise advice but it's so hard to do. I do try to capture and appreciate all the magic moments, all the bits of happiness, and know I am very lucky and appreciate having them.

I try not to worry about what tomorrow will bring either. What's the point. Two things I do

1) Live in the moment, treasuring all the good things - a sort of counting of my blessings.
2) Keep my mind occupied, otherwise it overthinks absolutely everything.

Please try to find enjoyment in life, blessings, rather than fearing tomorrow. We cheat ourselves of precious life otherwise, don't we?

Like some of you others, I don't fear death now. I think of it as a transition between this world and whatever follows.
My concerns are more for my family left behind. We're not well organised. Work needs to be done.

I think I understand Sebstar, not least because I have now passed the age at which my parents died. Is there something like that which is worrying you? Have you heard of Death Cafes? There are lots in the UK now, they are intended to be places people can gather to have tea and cakes and to talk about any aspect of death which bothers them. There are two near me which meet monthly and I've found them very helpful, all kinds of people and all kinds of discussion. Here's a link to the UK website where you can read more or see if there's one near you:

deathcafe.com

That’s an interesting thought, Framilode. Yes, I would like to know when I’ll die.

I’m more worried about living too long than I am about dying.

It's not death itself but the manner of death. I read somewhere that every year we pass what will be the anniversary of our death. If you could know the date of your death would you want to? I would.

I am not too worried about the actual moment of transition, volunteering in a hospice I am aware that for most people that follows a period of loss of consciousness. I do hope that pain relief if needed will be sufficient. But I suppose I do mentally keep counting down - will I have 15 or 20 years left? How much of my savings can I afford to spend this year? Will my DH go first, and will I cope if he does? Will I keep my mental faculties?

When we are younger we have big events to look forward to - careers, marriage, birth of children, even birth of grandchildren. But after a certain age there isn't that long term view, we have to be content with a limited amount of time left, and not looking that far ahead, which is an adjustment. I don't think this is morbid, it helps to plan, decluttering, making wills etc. For those of us who have a bit of a tendency to want to control everything, this is the one thing we cannot control, so naturally a bit frustrating!

Gilly I feel exactly the same, if I went tomorrow I worry how my family would manage.
As I'm also very hands on due of various health problems in my little family

I know they will cope because I did when my lovely Mum died at 54.
But I also know hard it was

I think that reaching 54 years of age actually caused me contemplate my own mortality.

My other fear is what Lovebeigecardigans touched on, which is losing my mental faculties.
My maternal grandmother suffered from Alzheimer and my Father Vascular dementia.

I think it’s natural to think about it as we age, either for ourselves or our DH.Since we have never been old before (!)
We don’t really know what to think, how to think, or if it’s only us who think this way ( it isn’t.)
We can make a will, and think about funeral plans ( if needed) but other than that, and that death is inevitable, it’s best not to dwell on it, especially in the wee small hours.

My post there was in response to NotTooOld.

I think about death from time to time and what worries me (if I allow myself to think about it too much) is either dying alone or losing my faculties.
We have to try to make the best of living so that when death comes we have no regrets, or not too many - and can say we've had a full life.
If you worry about it obsessively perhaps you need to talk to someone. Hope you feel better soon.

'what if I can't do it?'

Suit me fine that would.

I sat and held his hand as my Jim died , he was very peaceful

I, too, often worry about the actual transition from life into death. Will I be conscious right up to the end, will it be painful, even 'what if I can't do it?', the latter being the most stupid. I find it best to stay as busy as possible and not allow myself to dwell on it.

I had a friend who would tell me briskly that the graveyard was full of indispensable people!. I do hope you feel better soon.

Thank you for all your replies.

Sebsrtar I have my moments when I do think how it will happen, if I ll be a nuisance, if it ll be painful, will I know what’s happening, will it be a scary transition I also worry about my family I leave behind I don’t have the comfort of believing in an after life, I hope, but don’t really think

I don’t think this is depression it’s catastrophing Are you thinking even in company or when you re doing nice things I do think it’s fairly common as we get older

Try to keep your brain occupied with other things and when the thoughts come into your brain chuck them out and think of something else they will come back so throw them out again, keep doing that until they die down to an acceptable level which is now and then

Sebstar you are describing what many people experience. I think about death very often because I'm a Chaplain and I often meet with dying people. I have found that many, many people keep their thoughts to themselves and then it becomes, as you describe, a great weight they carry around - left unaddressed it may even become a phobia. When I give people opportunities to talk about their fears and worries they are often able to manage or even let go of these thoughts. I suggest you ask to speak to a friendly local vicar/minister and if you don't feel you could do that then maybe just talk through your feelings with a friend.
This link may help you to understand a little of what is going on:
timewith.co.uk/blog/i-cant-stop-thinking-about-death-why-it-happens-and-when-to-seek-help

I will myself to stay alive and tell myself that I must be around for certain events and before you know it, you're still here and so many years have passed !
I AM very lucky and realise that there aren't that many great-grannies looking forward to the 13th birthdays of twins in June this year.
I do have a few medical problems going on but try not to worry about them because I want to look ahead and I think that if you go down that road of wondering if you'll still be around it affects both your physical and mental health and you start feeling " down "------I've done it myself and it doesn't do you any good at all.

It's not in my nature to sink into a decline for long anyway as I give myself a good talking to and snap out of it. I haven't reached my years for nothing so I can carry on for a few more years yet----for the sake of everyone else. Having the family spurs you on and the dogged determination that nothing's going to beat you ( illness )

I used to inwardly get the fears in the past when I was hospitalised a couple of times for atrial fibrillation but even then took it as a " blip " and blamed old age but I've survived and kept taking the tablets. It's all about attitude.

If thoughts of death take over your life, talk to the GP !