Christmas Presents for Grandchildren

I bought my DGs lots of Lego this year as it seems to be the only toy they are interested in other than their 'gadgets'. The Lego will stay at my house where they spend time most days. They have loads of toys at their own house, too much according to DD. I took them for outings with the rest of the money which I would normally spend on toys. It seems to have worked out better for all. . I would be asking, no telling, that DG to keep at least some of the toys in her house.

My grandson aged 11 got from us : a new onesie (£11) as he’d outgrown his old one....a game for the children’s game console (£38)... a watch , his first (£15) ...his Beano annual (£5 )... £70 in all , and he was ‘over the moon’ with it all. Very easy to please boy. His sister aged 7 ( 3 days before Xmas) had.... a new onesie (tiger) ( £11 )....two books Stig of the Dump and Secret Lake ( £10)...an Operation game (£12)....a ‘build-it-yourself-dragon’...(£7).....and the inevitable game for children’s game console (£40). Much appreciated and loved it all. £150 on the two of them and I don’t think that’s OTT,...although of course granddaughters birthday just before Xmas makes life a little difficult ...hardly her fault!!

HurdyGurdy, you have entirely misinterpreted the conversation and the intention. The very loved children chose the three items they wanted from the 'gift mountain' and understood that they would be sharing the remainder with other less fortunate children. Not even a whiff of Joan Crawford.
PS. Disclaimer. They are not my grandchildren.

at boot sale ? money to charity of your or your children#s choice ?

We give each grandchild the same amount of money, in the form of gifts or gift cards. If parents let us know what they want us to buy, provided it is within the budget, we are happy to oblige. Whilst the kids enjoy opening a present on the day, they really love having their own money to spend too.

Kids get so much from everyone and it’s hard. Reading this made me feel very guilty of buying my grandkids too much this year as first Christmas actually with them. Son gave off to me for buying too much not just at Christmas but through my whole three week stay. Normally do just send money and it’s put in their bank accounts rather than presents. At end of days kids want your love and attention and not all the presents .Buying things does not buy love or as my son said the children’s respect in the long run.

I don’t understand this need to give so many presents. I give just one, usually, though this year I gave a small gift to be opened on Christmas Day, and took another with me when I saw the GChildren on 27th.
More is not better. More is clutter.

I'm glad to hear that your son-in-law exploded. She's his mother after all, and in your place I would stay right out of this and advice your daughter to leave it to her husband to deal with his mother, as he obviously has started.

In the young parents place, I would return as many gifts as possible to the shops where they were bought and get money back, which can be put into the children's accounts. Then allow the children to choose a suitable number of presents from that grandmother and simply hand the rest back stating that there is not room for them all in their house, so will she keep them for the children to play with at hers.

If handing them back isn't possible, then throw them out if charities or hospitals won't accept them.

Next year, if they are on speaking terms with your daughter's MIL they should simply ask her to pick one present out for each child and refuse to accept more.

I only buy one present for each grandchild and a night before Christmas bag with new pyjamas a book for Christmas and some other things for the family

Probably three years ago I bought the presents requested for the twins by DD. It’s a financial struggle for me and I was pleased to have bought each twin the soft toy they wanted. They were very happy. Then the other GPs arrived with the biggest box of gifts. I don’t know how it fitted in the car. The happily laughed that there were more at home that they couldn’t bring. My DD was already fuming. The first presents opened were the exact ones I had bought. They had been told that I was buying them, but apparently were worried that I hadn’t and the twins would be disappointed. There were so many presents that they were still being opened the next day and two three year olds were bored with it all. Strong words were said, thankfully when I wasn’t there by my DD and her now XH. It’s never happened again. They have another DC now and I understand she gets the vast box of presents whilst my DC get one toy each. It’s definitely worth speaking out.

apricity - "The parents had discussions with the children this year saying they could choose a very limited number of the gifts before they were unboxed and the rest would go to various charities as not only brand new items but still in their original packaging so they could be distributed later in the year as needed."

That sent shivers down my spine. It put me in mind of the film "Mommie Dearest" and how Christina Crawford was treated by her mother, Joan Crawford.

oh dear..granny seens to be equating love with stuff! One gift of a toy etc, a piece of clothing and half a dozen silly bits in a " stocking" which stay st my place for use during the year. More than enough and nobody loves their DGCs more than I do ?

I have 4 GCs and my daughter and I discuss what i buy each of them for christmas and birthday, usually a main present that she knows about then a maximum of 5 smaller, inexpensive presents, like toiletries, stationary etc. The same applies to my DD and SiL, they tell me a short list of what they'd like, in a price range I can afford, then they also get 5 small presents. I am not ashamed to say that I often buy from charity shops, especially gift sets and toys.
Back when my daughter was around five, she was inundated with presents from my mother, 3 sisters and two brothers and assorted aunts and uncles. What child needs a toyshop for christmas or 30 easter eggs!
I put my foot down, very forcefully, and insisted on a limit of 2 presents per person, talk to me about large presents, and buy clothes etc.
After the first year I noticed that this would apply across the family, at christmas, birthdays and easter. My daughter would get clothes 3 times a year, current fads in toys were kept to a minimum and I didn't need an estate car to get her and her toys home! Result!
As to charity shops, as a volunteer, and ex manager of a charity shop, new, good condit ion toys, clothes, shoes, books, media and bric a brac are always welcomed with a smile. Clothes, shoes, bags and soft toys not suitable for sale are collected and the shop is paid per bag. Bric-a-brac, and broken, incomplete toys are, unfortunately put in the skip.
(To be fair, this represents about 1% of all donations over the year!).

I only buy 1 main present from a list of suggestions which DD gives me, 2 books (Nan always gives books) & a stocking with silly bits & pieces. My DM (Great Granny) puts money in their Building Society Accounts which she set up with my DD. I adore my DGSs but DD has a very small house & lots of toys, my time spent with them & occasional treats during the year are just as important as presents at Christmas & Birthdays

This year I paid for a year's subscription to a magazine called Aquila for my two grandsons (aged eight and 10) one of whom lives in Australia, where the company will deliver. These have been received enthusiastically.

For my granddaughter (6) I’ve paid for some of her dance lessons this term, which delighted her. I sent her an email to explain this which she read with relish to the family on Christmas Day.

All three also received a few small personal gifts from us to open. DD1 in Australia says that DGS (10) appreciates these novelties almost as much as the larger presents he has.

DD and SIL suffer from this not listening and over buying then DGD ends up having to choose what to keep either from existing toys or new one and they are all distressed or stressed but it.

It is space that's the main issue in their house but also they don't want DGD to grow up thinking she gets everything she wants.

They do leave lots of gifts at Grans and we have toys here too but even so MIL's continuing to over buy is still as high after nearly 8 years.

I leave it to SIL to say anything to his mum, they do keep asking her to keep to DGD's list and only pick a few things but ...

I do try to calm things down by telling them I think in this case his mum is trying to give DGD the childhood she wanted and couldn't have.

Then DGD and I go through her things old and new to sort out what goes in what directions.

I have a friends who is involved with a Woman's Refuge so I can almost always find a home for any toys/clothes with some use left in them.

It is a difficult situation and sadly the people who don't listen to the parents don't realise how hard they are making things at the time and how much damage they do to their relationship.

But I do think leave it to the AC to deal with it and just manage things as best you can.

Rather than buy things that would be looked at for a day or so and then set aside, this year we brought our grandchildren a falconry course each. It's one day a month for ten months through the year. They learn how to handle the birds, make the jesses, how to feed them and so on. they had the first day yesterday and loved it. A present that will last nearly a year and won't clutter up the house. In previous years we've contributed to different things like swimming lessons.

Absolutely Daffonanna - just like us - presents kept to a minimum and usually clothes, books, or an outing - all 3 DDs and their other halves and the outlaws are onside and for the past few years Christmas has been brilliant. This year we have started reusing wrapping paper or using brown paper with pretty ribbons. The smallest children have always preferred playing with the boxes more than the presents anyway. Adults get food or bath goodies - clutter is forbidden!

Our family operates a secret Santa for adults and for children . This year DH and I joined in . We gave the grandchildren each a book and some clothes but then only had to get one present each for one child . I really enjoyed putting some real thought into buying my one present , under guidance from dil , rather than trying to second guess what they already had and add to the mountain .

Hopefully she will have realised that the glut of gifts went down like a lead balloon ......

I give each of my grandchildren just 3 gifts each, none lavish or particularly expensive. Having seen the amount of clutter they each possess, I made a conscious decision not to add to it! Mean??? No!

Am surprised by this grandma's lack of real thought. Premium Bonds are the way to go. I did that for their last birthdays with a token parcel to unwrap. The children don't even notice as most of them receive far too much.

I'm guessing she's bored and perhaps lonely so gives her something to do! Maybe next year ask for receipts and return for a credit note & put the money in a bank account . Far more useful ......

www.buddybagfoundation.co.uk is a lovely charity providing a bag for children who have been displaced with no belongings of their own - those children in a women's refuge, refugees, children who've suddenly removed from their home/taken into emergency care etc. In the bag they put toiletries, pyjamas and a soft toy.
If with all these extra presents there are some unwanted soft toys, please do pop them in the post

The Buddy Bag Foundation, PO Box 8229, Swadlincote, DE11 1GA

Suggest she pays for an outing or classes like I do.

The fact that there was no room for you in the car gave them a good excuse to say that they couldn't fit it all in. I would have been a bit miffed about that - although I agree with people that are saying that you need to leave it to them. At least them seem united and it is her own son who has challenged her which makes a nice change from many of the situations that are posted here.
She seems a bit obsessive and it is very hard to deal with that as buying the presents is obviously a big part of her life. The whole thing is very sad but I can't see any kind way of stopping her. It will be overwhelming for the children though and for their sake, they can't just get a living room full of toys.

Another charity is the Baby Bank, a bit like a food bank for stuff that babies and young children need. Plenty of them around

I agree with Bluebelle about the donation of gifts to charity shops - I do not think they would ever refuse brand-new toys - toys seem to sell well in our local charity shops and those that are not sold are apparently sent on to shops in other localities.
I do know though, Apricity that some of the donated clothes etc are not fit to be put out in the shop but then the 'ragman' comes to buy them by weight. The same with books, especially cookery books apparently - I saw bags and bags of books being taken away probably to be pulped .

It's now up to your SIL and DD to sort this out with his mother, Lyndiloo and I agree with you - I would stay firmly out of it.
Perhaps they could choose the very best of the toys and put some on one side for later in the year, then bring them out, and send the rest to the charity shop.