Husband hates kids

Oh come on! Unless you are running an air b'n'b (and sometimes even then) it is rude to not be welcoming to guests in your home.
It actually takes more effort to sulk upstairs than it does to come down and say hello even if you take a backseat in proceedings. He doesn't need to be the life'n'soul.

notanan2 I cant see it stated that he is rude to them.

Its not compulsory to like children, and not doing so is different to hating them, I would say.
I'm surprised these kind of things weren't discussed before getting married.

I don't know what to say, if he doesn't like children, he doesn't like children. At least it sounds like they're not banned from the house although if I were you I would feel a bit hurt and embarrassed, and be thinking he could at least pretend to like them, I would, but, perhaps thats my thoughts as a woman. I think if my husband didn't like someone or something he would perhaps be the same. All in all if he is good to you and your happy living with him I would try and ignore his behaviour and enjoy your day.

What does LBT stand for Maw?

Better that he stays out of their way than be horrible to them. If the children had to put up with him they might not want to see you either. Let him stay upstairs so that you can enjoy them until they leave.

I could not cope with this if it was my Husband , my Husband loves my Grandchildren as if they were blood related , he is wonderful with them . It must put a strain on your relationship .

I agree with notanan2 this sounds like he is jealous and wants all of your attention he may think by treating your family this way you will see less of them and eventually isolate you from them. My ex did this whenever my sister or brothers family visited I made, lots of excuses for him but they both have told me they knew what he was doing and my sister in particular was adamant he wouldn't keep her from visiting me marriage is all about give and take and sometimes putting your partners happiness before your own he is behaving like a selfish child

My DH always spoke as if he was very wary of children and babies, yet he has turned out be the best grandad going (as long as he doesn't have to change any nappies)

Wasn’t your husband ever a child himself? Did someone hate him then? He sounds very selfish and obviously doesn’t consider your feelings. Just let him stew on Christmas Day and spend it on his own . Wouldn’t even buy him a present or cook his dinner. Chilren are what make Christmas. Maybe,underneath this he has jealousy issues that you have a family who still matter to you.

I rather agree with M0nica.

If your husband is genuinely not a ‘children’ person, let him go upstairs and say something along the lines of ‘Grandad is reading upstairs in the peace and quiet, that gives me loads more time with you, which is lovely’.

My husband adores his adult children and dotes on our grandchildren but in small doses. He doesn’t ‘do’ any of the hands-on school pickups, swimming, etc. But he is a huge financial support to both families, and loves to cook meals for us all.

I think there have been threads on here and on Mumsnet where the second husband or wife, more or less wont allow any contact with the previous spouse, children or grandchildren.

Your second husband doesn’t seem to be in that terrible camp. While it’s tempting to say LTB, there may be a reason why he feels uncomfortable around children, and it might come to light or it may not.

Have a wonderful Christmas whatever happens, enjoy yourself and if he chooses to hide upstairs, then so be it. ?

My father had no time for babies - he was 75 when my son was born and 78 when my daughter arrived. When my son was 3 Dad did enjoy showing him how to hammer nails into wood and 'man' things like that (out in his shed in the yard) but he had no patience at all with my newly born daughter, in fact he told me one evening that either I left and took her home (she was crying) or he would leave. It was just the way he was with babies. Sadly he passed away in the December of the year my daughter was born so he didn't get to see her as a 'child' rather than as just a rather grumpy baby. It is true that some men just don't like babies - hopefully you knew this before you got married ? I do think he could be asked to make the effort just for their Christmas visit though, one day a year won't kill him

Oh good old GN! The only place where in one thread you can see a quote from the Dalai Lama and 'Frigging in the rigging'! (Hope you know what that means grannyknot! as I wouldn't tell my children my husband was upstairs frigging in the rigging'!)

Ah (wipes away tears of laughter!) back to the point..

Notsthecatsmother only you know if you want to spend your life with someone who hates your children and grandchildren. I guess you have to work out whether the qualities you saw in him that led to marriage can outweigh his dampening of every social occasion or visit from your family forevermore. A lot of people have said just let him get on with it and sulk, but as he is your partner, I expect you would want him to be with you, joining in, having fun and enjoying your family occasions. Is he worth it. Only you know. Wish you well.

I'm not good with kids even though I've two sons four grandson kids the youngest is 16

Is this post real? Have not seen any replies from the OP, hope she is not sitting in a corner wishing she hadn’t said anything, poor woman. Although I have always said ‘you can always replace your man, but never your children’, so he wouldn’t have lasted long with me!

Presumably two babies.
Like buses, you wait for ages then two come along at once (not twins!).
Are they even walking yet?

I m still confused my 2 kids from my first marriage made me a gran this year How does that work ? did both children make you a gran meaning two babies and do they always visit together
I would like Notthecatsmother to come back and explain her post
However when I put Notthecatsmother into the search engine nothing comes up at all ??

and what does LTB mean
I think it is an import from Mumsnet fluttERBY123 and means leave him (I won't spell it out!).

He doesn't like kids , and it's hardly your business to plague him about his likes and dislikes unless they are dangerous or illegal.

I agree with MOnica - and what does LTB mean?

Perhaps he hasn't had any experience of babies and children

I am rubbish around babies (mine were different) and feel awkward about it. I also dont act like a bratty teen if DHs rellies visit with a new baby

EthelJ - yes, my thought is 'Well, you were a child yourself once'.

I hope he joins you at some point for meals and that you don't pander to him by taking his meals upstairs on a tray.

He is not "banning" them but he is making them not want to come in a manipulative way where if he is called out on it he can say "well its their choice not to come" but its not really if he has created a situation where they feel unwelcome

Making your children and grandchildren feel uncomfortable when visiting your home may be a way to isolate you from them - watch out for that!

I would never dream of leaving him unless he was unloving to me or openly rude or unpleasant to my family? which is exactly what the OPs husband is doing.

You cant force yourself to like someone. But you can go through the motions of being polite to them