Daughter in law problems

If she can explore her artistry to distract her from her pain, she can cook, clean and appropriately parent. People sometimes continue to take from others because they are allowed and enabled to do so. Your son is the only one who can put an end to this although you have every right to set a boundary to protect your home by refusing to watch sick children. Many of us dealing with pain live our lives without the expectation that others should be responsible for our choices.

To be fair to NannySparkle, such auto-immune conditions as coeliac disease are manageable by diet; in fact that is the only way to manage it.

I don't know much about ulcerative colitis apart from knowing that someone I know had to be hospitalised occasionally when it became unmanageable.

Flexible Friend 55+ years of Paw’s UC and PSC(Primary Sclerosing Cholangitis) - up to a point and with the right medication, certainly UC can, allowing for flare ups, the attendant weight loss ( paw could put away 4 hot meals a day and was still stick thin) side effects of steroids and frequent pain and embaerrassment, but YES you can live with it.

How little you know about auto immune conditions NannySparkle because they are not well controlled by drugs, diet or an operation. Mine certainly isn't.

4 years ago my daughter in law treated her pregnancy like an illness and stopped cooking cleaning etc and left work early. My son had to do everything then and it hasn’t changed much now. Consequently his business suffered. I helped them financially and physically when possible although I am in very poor health like you. Now because of stress my son has various autimune illnesses and is struggling. He did put his foot down about having another baby. If she can’t manage one she can’t manage two. My daughter-in-law has mental health issues however and has lots of help from the professionals but manages to have a pretty good life despite this being able to spend her time and my sons money socialising with friends. I suspect your daughter in law manages to do the same as most medical problems these days can be controlled with drugs. Diet or an operation.
How much support do they give you ? None by the sounds of it like mine because the young today are completely selfish and expect someone else to sort out their problems. Time you were.

It sounds like a dreadful illness and so sorry your DiL has this. It can be annoying if grandchild has cold and passes this on to you but it doe sound like your DiL needs the support right now. I retired early and I am at home most of the time now, with repeated bouts of cellulitis in my right leg, but still have a cleaner twice a week. That is my choice. I can't see having another baby is sensible given your DiL struggles to care for one child however your son and DiL's choice. If you don't wish to care for your gc every week then you should say so. Your son is probably exhausted form going out to work and trying his hardest to do household chores to support his wife when at home. If you can help then in your place I would. I might even offer DiL to take child twice each week if she is feeling really bad.

re the hate crime......over the top possibly.

I find the word " cow" very wrong and the idea that a woman who is possibly depressed/traumatised/ill is lazy very wrong.

I have to say, I wonder why on earth they would be considering having another child.

I think some posters are forgetting that there are 7 days in a week and, as the child goes to nursery for 1 day and the OP for 1 day, that leaves 5 days in which the DiL must be looking after the child herself...unless her husband does everything every weekend, childcare, washing, cooking, cleaning etc. I imagine that hygiene would have to be high on the list of priorities with a child in the home, especially having to go to the toilet upwards of 10 and possibly 20 times a day and thoroughly washing your hands afterwards before touching the child. Who minds the child when mum goes to the shops then needs the toilet. She could hardly fit a buggy in a cubicle and who'd want to do that anyway?
I doubt anyone with UC would be foolhardy enough to not see a doctor. Some good advice here about childcare and that's really the only thing that the OP has any say in.
I hope things can get sorted to everyone's satisfaction.
I'm sooo glad not to have the problems and illnesses I read about on here as about 80% seem to have something going on. A shame, when retirement could be a time to sit back and enjoy life.

It is a very unpleasant thing to say about someone, I agree, particularly as we only know part of the story.
However, it can hardly be termed a ^hate crime^; if it was considered to be then GNHQ would have acted.

Nobody does oldbatty but it’s a heck of a leap to “hate crime”.

Just enjoy the baby time, don’t judge, don’t comment. Different strokes, different folks. If your DS is paying & managing it’s not for you to comment. Xxx good luck ?

4allweknow of course she doesn't know she'll be ill those days BUT she knows theres a break on the horizon IF she's ill ,to give her a chance to recuperate .Why areso many on here so suspicious that they are being taken for a ride when it looks perfectly clear that this young woman is trying her best ...she has TWO child free days a week and help from her OH and a clleaner .Is that a lot to ask in the scheme of things?
My daughter has multiple health issues and is confined to be for much of her time ,I'd do anything in my power to give her the help and support she needs .Isn't that what families do?

I'm sorry but who finds manipulative cow/lazy cow in any way acceptable? Please tell me.

manipulative cow/lazy cow constitutes abuse and possibly hate crime so I suggest HQ take another look

Oh don’t be silly oldbatty this is nothing like “hate crime”
Talk about over-reaction! .

I must say (and I have a compromised immune system too) that having DGC does bring a whole lot of joy but also a whole lot of new bugs too.

manipulative cow/lazy cow constitutes abuse and possibly hate crime so I suggest HQ take another look.

Her own parents aren’t very close to their daughter
I think she would find it difficult to be close to her father Kimros, as he is dead.

I have a friend who has ulcerative colitis. Most of the time she has it under control and manages extremely well (she is a bundle of energy). But on occasions she has been hospitalised with it.
It must be very debilitating.

Now my son just turns up with her when she has an awful cold, even when she has been taken to the emergency GP late at night and is on antibiotics.
Doctors don't normally prescribe antibiotics for 2 year olds for a cold. However, I don't think that expecting someone with a compromised immune system such as you have Des to look after a sick child is a good idea. If the child is sick and mum is at home perhaps they would be better just staying in a warm house together and muddling through the day rather than dragging the child out to your house.

However, your DIL does sound as if she needs a good deal of support and perhaps your DS is the one who can tell if she is suffering from PND or is just miserable with her condition.

I really feel for this mother, she sounds like she has depression which is just dreadful on its own let alone the other problem colitis. I would just not say anything and have your lovely grand-daughter the one day a week, even if she is sick. Stay out of it and enjoy your little one so much.

horrible words, horrible message. Misogynist and to compare PND to being lazy is very wrong.

Disgraceful.

Oldbatty I had a post deleted some weeks back when I said ‘ is this a wind up’ and this person uses horrible words and it’s ok Beggars belief

Not belittling your DiL's condition but surely if this is part of the reason for having two child free days with one child how many will be needed with two. Take it DGC goes to nursery and to you on specific days of the week, can't help but query how the illness knows to flare up on these days. Also the cleaner and DS doing a lot of the chores, something doesn't seem to fit. Depression may well be a factor in the behaviour. Your son needs to address the financial situation and his time. Only way you can draw attention to how you feel the situation should change is by not taking GC each week or on such a regular basis. Will be difficult for you though.

I complained to HQ. Its a disgraceful thing to say. Apparently its not a problem.

My goodness who is this Kimrus who is keen on calling people she doesn’t know manipulative cows What a truely nasty person you sound Kimrus was