I can't have both at once

Our DS has five children nine, seven,five,three and one and has always insisted it’s all or none for sleepovers so unfortunately it’s had ro be none as even though I’m a younger nan in my 50’s a couple of hours in the day every so often is doable but five overnight would be daunting. I would suggest doing what feels right for you.

Poor chap... and either way not entirely his doing!

PECS
Yes that too perhaps.
Not looking good either way

gmelon or he will become an insufferable macho little prince with a huge sense of entitlement!!

If there is unfairness your grandson will recognise it when he becomes an adult.
He may look back and remember his little sister putting on her shoes but being refused your time.
He'll think badly of you.

So Chinesecrested - dog AND dgs before your grandaughter?

The putting on of shoes is always going to make you feel guilty.
My DGS when very small did this every time I went to visit, running and getting his shoes, all eager for the treat!

I've got a dog and 2 cats too Viv. The dog in particular is horrified at ANY children coming to visit! I have to put her on the stairs - she doesn't like being chased and having her tail pulled! Guess who does that?

Im a bit late replying to this post we have three grandsons 8,5,2 we have them stay regularly they love it they have done it since they were all babies, I agree it can be a sometimes be nightmare the noise level for one but its only for one night and the joy of having them come into our bed in the morning for cuddles is fantastic. Its only one night and then they go home and we have time to recover. Iam sure they will not want to come when they are older so I am making the most of this time.

I feel really sorry for the little GD - her grandparent favours her older brother and she knows it. You have looked after your gs since he was a baby but his sister at 2½ is not allowed and isn't "old enough". You seem to be expecting the little girl old to constantly give way to the older boy!

It sounds like the GS knows it as well and is trying to manipulate the situation by getting upset so that you exclude his sister even though he is old enough to know how to share and take turns.

If you want a good relationship with both grandchildren you need to solve this and put as much effort into building a relationship with the little girl as you did with your gs. It needs to be fair.

If you continue to play favourites then the parents may eventually step in and not let either stay as it is not fair to the little girl to constantly be left behind and it will not do the boy any favours to be the "golden child" who is able to be mean and get his sister excluded.

Dear VivNE65 do did I! It seems the more effort for acronyms the less instinctively understandable they are! ...plus the fact that my youngest dog would be heartbroken if left out of anything

I feel sorry for DGD too, putting her shoes on.

I've got two pigeon pairs of grandchildren, and I've always had both children to stay. Sometimes I've had all four of them, girls in one room and boys in the other. I'd never dream of having one at a time, but then I just like children , and nothing they do bothers me.

I always have plenty of things lined up to do, which involve lots of outdoors activity, so by the time they get home they are too tired to fight. Then its a long soak in the bath, and a very long story from Grandad, and usually they sleep all night.

Myself and 5 brothers and sisters fought constantly. We were never looked after by anyone but parents. My 3 DS's fought constantly. I never got a break as a single parent. Now I have 3 DGC who fight constantly and have stayed with me several days a week since they were weeks old. I have sometimes looked after 2 other DGDs (who fight but less constantly) since they were weeks old too. I thought all children fought and all carers no matter what age, were exhausted by it!!!

Having said that, on the very rare occasions when I have only one of them what lovely children they are.

Good Lord, After reading some of the posts I am realising just how fit I am. My husband’s 71, I’m nearly 70 and look after our 3 Granchildren 24/7 during the school holidays as their mother is a single parent, has to work as her ex husband will not financially support them and she lives too far away to pick the children up at teatime. I won’t say I never get tired but after reading some of the posts I really do feel full of life. I can’t understand why children arguing causes so much exhaustion. Quite frankly if I couldn’t have the two together I wouldn’t have either of them. It seems very unfair to treat them so differently.

I haven't had both dgds yet, the youngest is just a few months so no fighting!
I have the eldest at least one night week, I cherish our time (and it gives her a break from her baby sister crying!)
I'm looking forward to having the wee one when she's a little bit older & her mum is ready for a night out!

Emily Why should grandson not have to learn that his sister is as entitled to grandparent time and love as he is? I expect he stayed when he was her age!!

I have had all three grandkids over from when they could manage without a breastfeed overnight!
We're in our 60s and the kids do scrap on occasions,but we manage to sort it. We only had the one child so having three was a shock I have to admit, but I do feel for you gd. My husband didn't go to stay at his grandmothers because he was the second child and she apparantly didn't know what to do with boys! Sad.

Emily what about the 'needs' of the little girl? She is not being naughty she is still only 30 months old! We also really don't know if the boy is teasing his sister, not sharing or if it just normal sibling play, learning to get along! Why does the younger child always have to give way to the older one?
Really think some people have very odd ideas about small children!
(ps I am the eldest of 3)

Because Emily, DGS was wellcome to stay when he was small and unable to follow big boy rules.

I would tell grand daughter that she can come on sleep overs when she is old enough to understand the rules. One rule being that that she plays nicely and does not fight with her brother etc. Why should he have his relationship with you spoilt because of the needs of his younger sister. He probably gets enough of having to put up with her at home and perhaps you are the one place that he is safe to be his age and enjoy himself without having to cope with a younger sibling.

Now that the little one wants to come too, why not let them take turns?

The older child should understand that until they both learn to get along and behave well together at grandma's house, they won't be staying at the same time. The younger child deserves to visit too, so having them take turns seems the most fair compromise.

And I agree their parents will think it's favouritism too if you only have DGS.

DB and I stayed alternate weekends with DGPs, due to space considerations, and we were both very happy with that arrangement. The weekend we were there was such a treat for each of us and I suppose it must have been nice for DPs too to have one less at home. We always had a really close relationship with those GPs. If you feel you can only manage one, you need to alternate scrupulously fairly ... and start now. The payoff for DGS, of course, is that when he's at home he gets his parents and toys to himself for a while too.

My guess is we are older grandparents - probably in our 60's or 70's so it is all more stressful than if we were in our 50's
Families having children later i.e. in late 30's are going to have old grandparents - we have just looked after grandchildren for the weekend 7,6 and 10 months we love them dearly and are glad to be able to help out but there is no doubt how shattered we were by the time we got home!!!

My OH is ill and I have painful mobility so the girls know that our willingness to help is not entirely matched by our ability - so they are happy to go along wi th whatever we can manage.