Mental health

It's a fine balancing act isn't it maddy. Feeling you want to support your daughter, but also knowing that you need to protect yourself and your own emotional health.

I know there are many on here who will be able to support you through their own knowledge of the nightmare it can be.

But please have a long-distance hug.

I do hope the the OP can soon see past the stigma, noticeable in some posts here. Mental illness is just that, an illness, in the same way hat bodily illnesses are illness. Drug and alcohol addictions are not mental illness, though they can lead to it, as can homelessness.

The great scandal is the lack of NHS funding going into mental health, including longer spells of training in mental health for medical students. We need good GPs for mental health in every surgery, and sheltered housing for those who can't live safely independently.

Maddy, if provision is not good in your area, have you contacted your MP? There is a good chance that you will be taken seriously, but of course you need to be sure of what help is available to your daughter first.

Thank you for your quick response and kind words Annie. Today I just feel like I can’t live like this any longer. I’m absolutely sure that that my daughter doesn’t love or care for me, I’ve felt like this for a good while. I think she ‘needs’ us in some way, then again when she says she’d be happier living somewhere else, away from us, because apparently we cause all her problems, then I think, no she neither needs nor cares for us. Everything is about her, it’s as we have no feelings at all. We’re simply not really human in her eyes.
Thank you for words of comfort, it helps to know people care. I can’t continually burden my other children with all this, it’s not fair on them.

maddy you are not weak, you are tired. I know how you feel and ache for you . Cutting off would give you a break from the abuse but possibly you would then be worrying how your daughter is coping. In the years my daughter was so ill , she wasn’t abusive but wore me down with other things. I tried cutting off, at first the rest for my mind was a relief but I soon began to question her husband and her cousin who were in contact with her how she was, I couldn’t stay cut off from her. Difference for me was knowing my daughter even in her darkest times loved and needed me. There may be others here who can advise x

Here we go again, I’ve been screamed at and abused again this morning. DH was abused on the phone for twenty minutes during the week. Why do I put up with it, everything I say is misinterpreted, so I go silent. Many tears ( from me, she doesn’t cry) and I feel thoroughly emotionally shattered. Would I be better if I cut ties with her? And then this cycle of abuse would stop. But then there’s the children! I feel like just cutting ties today. My own mental health is being affected. Do any of you ladies who are coping with this ever feel like this, or is it just me, who’s weak?

To be honest ethel, to begin with you want to feel that the person is just moody, or difficult, or anti social or whatever. As a parent, you don’t want to believe that your child is this ill, but eventually you are forced to confront it, the truth is laid bare for you to see. I think we knew for several years, but medical help was only accepted for short bursts, and then the person seems to improve, and you think, whew, we’ve weathered that storm. But the storms keep coming, the behaviour becomes more bizarre and/ or dangerous, and finally you are hit with the unpalatable but inescapable truth. And then you have to act, in our case, to almost force a medical appointment, and eventually, you get a diagnosis. The truth. Please remember Ethel, that it is not just moods, but dangerous behaviour, that often finally alerts people to the truth, and in any case, just being moody wouldn’t even begin to describe what can, and believe me does, happen.

Thank you all you lovely ladies, (and gentlemen if there any) because your support, although virtual, means so much to me. I think we always believe when it’s in a better phase, that it WILL be better, and then hope is squashed by reality and we come crashing down again. I have just returned from a wonderful holiday, and first contacts with family were positive, but today my AC was unable to manage emotions again and succeeded in making today unpleasant for us all, though in reality, probably even more unpleasant for herself. We have had worse times, much worse, but I think I was feeling positive after our holiday and found my hopes dashed. I did a little research with regard to support prior to the holiday, but now we’re home I think I need to do more. I feel I rely too much on my family, my poor elderly mother and other children, not to mention my long suffering husband, who suffers as much from our AC’s actions as I do.
Thank you ladies. I’ll keep you up to date with any developments, and I’m so sorry so many of you are suffering similar difficulties in your own families. It’s all so sad.

Yes you would know Ethel, as Ann has said

Ethel if you had ever had a family member with MH problems I can assure you, you would know.
To say they might be moody or upset is so far off the mark it is is ridiculous.
They are very ill indeed and need lots of professional help and it can last for years or a lifetime.

((( hugs ))) maddy.

I am at the very beginning of this journey and I feel for you.

How do you know someone has mental health probs. They could just be moody or upset about something. Im always confused about this

maddy I sympathise and empathise. My S has serious MH problems.
I don't say too much but he is not able to help me with my other problems.
He feels very guilty about this but this only compounds the situation.
He does not deal with problems and blames me for all the ills in his life.
I will add you to my prayers as I know just how you feel.

maddy a little prayer for you and yours. Hope things improve.

Maddy x

I'm so sorry to hear that, maddy.
I can only imagine what a strain it must be, and of course the worry.
Have you found any support for yourself?
I know talking about it won't somehow make it go away, but at least you can vent.

Things were improving but now going downhill again. I despair at times of ever being able to live a normal life. A lovely holiday followed by moods and unpleasantness. Sometimes I want to wash my hands of it all.

The more people have the guts to talk about it , the better. After all, some people dont hold back when it comes to describing their physical ailments!!!

The hardest thing about mental 'illness' is that it's not like other illnesses. For most there's no cure, though nowadays it's easier to manage. Drugs etc.
My sympathies, maddie. We have it in our family.

illtellhim, Mental health issues affect something in the region of 20% of the population at some time during their lives.

It is incredibly common but unfortunately still has a stigma attached to it and is seen as a weakness.

OP, feel free to pm for a chat.

Sorry, don't mean to sound unkind but the OP is genuinely concerned and asking for advice over serious health issues not transgender issues.

Not quite the response I think maddy is looking for illtemhim I think you would be better off starting a new thread than posting on this one. Totally different scenario and your wording could be a bit less derogatory.

Don't you lot worry about the understanding of mental illness. Is a man who says he's a woman and goes into our changing rooms, mental ill or wot. Please help, this happened at our swimming baths last week, police were called but he\she ran off. Other girls said he\she was sick in the head. The thing is he\she looked like a girl to me, and I was just standing there in my nickers.??

Some improvement today, had a visit from AC and children. Onwards and upwards. Sending support to anyone else who is dealing with these situations. The situation often varies from day to day.

maddyone you will always find support here x

maddy there are many of us on GN who have family members with mental health issues, some with illnesses that are quite severe and enduring. You will find a lot of helpful support on here, so no matter how bleak the situation is please keep coming back to us, if only for a (((hug)) and the reassurance that others also have some experience of the problems and difficulties involved.