Grandson’s nursery time

OldMeg Doesn't a teacher's salary take into account and include all the hours they put in for marking and preparing?

It takes a professional to understand what I’m talking about

Eh?

I don’t see the financial advantage of your daughter working either Gilly.

So why is she making that choice? I think I’m derailing the thread but it is a real question.

Not sure if that was meant to be funny but it made me smile OldMeg .

You have no idea Gillybob and I’m not getting into that arguement with you either. It takes a professional to understand what I’m talking about,

I’m not having the “poor old teacher” argument with you OldMeg.

My DD does get paid for working (around £8.20 per hour) she works 38 hours ( any 5 from 7 ) plus 2 hours travelling everyday . Do the sums . It will just about cover the nursery fees. Can’t see the point to be honest . But that’s a whole other argument .

Teachers don’t work all weekend and at night . Okay so they do some preparation/ marking but all weekend ? Every night ? Really ? At my DGC’s primary every teacher gets one whole day every week to mark and prepare ( split into two half days) This can be at home or in school . My DGS’s teacher last term is going to America for the entire 6 weeks . Good for her I say she’s lovely , but she won’t be taking marking with her . None to do anyway schools out !

To do the very best for your child, does not necessarily mean you have to be the care giver. For what ever reason the mum feels that a break away from each other is In the child’s best interest.

I think that between 1 and 2 is the most difficult time. The child is mobile enough to be active but has no sense of right and wrong, I would imagine a very unhappy child who is with a mum who cannot relate to his needs. In a good nursery, he is socialising and learning behaviours that are not always easy to teach at home.

When she is with him she will be refreshed and able to give him all the love she is capable of. Please don’t condemn her for not being maternal. Some women don’t relate to babies but can be superb mums when the children are older.

I can't understand a mum not wanting at least a week or two with her child, teacher or not.

Presumably your daughter gets paid for every hour she works though?

Though I do understand Gillybob that unless you’ve personally experienced the demands of teaching or had a member of your family in that profession it is almost impossible to understand the stresses and the amount of unpaid overtime teachers put in.

Not sure what you mean OldMeg but my DD works from a possible 7am start to a 10pm finish 5 from 7 ( always at least one Saturday or Sunday) 4 weeks holiday plus BHs which can’t be taken on BH. Not exactly family friendly is it ?

Jobs not just

Neither would most other just have you working all weekend and at night gillybob

I really can’t understand why any mother could want their child in nursery full time to enable them to “enjoy a 6 week break” Sielha it just doesn’t seem right ( to me) . My DD will have to go back to work soon (she works in a coffee shop so her shifts will stretch over a 7 day period and 15 hours per day) and her little one us only 11 weeks old . It’s breaking her heart . I don’t know how we are going to manage with nursery as her shifts will change week in and week out. I intend to do most weekends ( dependant on her partners shifts who also works 5 from 7) and at least one day / overnight during the week .

I just can’t understand why anyone with 6 whole weeks summer holiday would not want to enjoy their time with their child. Maybe it’s just me ? I agree with Bluegal plenty equally stressful jobs as teaching. Would any other job enable such generous holidays of 13 weeks over year? Most people get a measly 4 or 5 and they not always so family friendly either. My son and DiL almost always have to take their holidays apart to look after the children. How rubbish us that ?

Harrigran was specifically referring to the time when the children are babies and toddlers. I agree it's best not to do a paid job then unless it is absolutely essential for financial reasons.

What a load of #&*85£+ harrigan what century do you live in? Where would we find our teachers, nurses, doctors, shop assistants, etc. if mums didn’t work.

You’ve obviously never taught then Bluegal and no one said that teaching was any more stressful than the other jobs you’ve named. Yes, it’s up there with the doctors I imagine who don’t just sign off at the end of a shift/day.

Police/fire/ambulance also very,very stressful but when they sign off at the end of their shift their day is their own.

I am old fashioned and believe a child belongs at home with mother when it is a baby/toddler.
If you do not want to put your career on hold do not have children.

I am assuming that when your son takes his holiday entitlement he has his child out of nursery and with him full time?

Well basically it is not down to you - it is the parents' choice. So definitely zip the lip.

When I was a social worker I used to tell Mums who had the money to do as much good parenting as they could and to farm out the rest to professionals. Sounds a bit crude, but at least the child gets something good in both settings, rather than a tired disgruntled mother.

Presumably he is happily settled at nursery, so there is something to be said for keeping the routine going.

Wouldn't suit me, but we are all different.

Like others have said I would have wanted to be with my children in school holidays too but best to say nothing!

FWIW why is teaching considered any more stressful than other jobs? I appreciate it the day doesn’t necessarily end at 3 pm but what about Doctors/police/fire/ambulance men and women? They are parents too. Also many parents do not get time for themselves because they can’t afford it! So I don’t quite get the “she must be stressed because she’s a teacher angle”.

I can see she may not want to disrupt his routine. But as has been said kids are only kids for a very short time and I would want to be as much a part of that as I could (and was).

I would keep your thoughts to yourself, I wouldn't do it (MIL says I should leave son elsewhere as isn't fair) but if she is worn out from teaching and still doing her prep for next year maybe she needs some me time? My sister is a teacher and it doesn't stop in the holidays, they still need to prep and a child in nursery is 3 or under so would be a lot of work? And maybe son likes nursery? If I was paying for entertainment for my son I might begrudge taking him out of that to then pay to entertain him another way?

I would share your concerns Sielha but best not to say anything. She may just feel exhausted at the end of term and be desperate for some recovery time. In a week or two as she recovers she may change her plans.

I agree with Bluebelle and Beau. It sounds extraordinary to me. I know teaching is a tiring job and prep has to be done, but it doesn’t take all day every day for six weeks. Couldn’t the child be at nursery in the mornings and at home in the afternoons? Or at nursery for three weeks and at home for three weeks? It sounds to me as if she simply doesn’t want to look after the child herself. That’s very sad.

Surely the father must have holiday time as well, so he could look after the baby at home during that time.

I accept that in dire financial circumstances it is sometimes necessary for both parents to work, and to put babies in full-time nursery, and I accept that it is nice to have the occasional break. However, a child is a full time job, and should be a priority, not an extra in your life. I’m very glad I was able to look after mine myself.

I can see where you are coming from, OP, and I would probably have similar thoughts in your position.
However, in addition to your dil's wanting a 'break', I think there might be another argument in favour of not changing the arrangement over the holidays -routine. Particularly with such a young child, it might be less traumatic overall for him to stick to the usual routine, rather than having to re-adapt in September.

That said, like you, I find it very surprising that his mum doesn't want any extra time at all with him over summer!