Grandson’s nursery time

oldmeg whilst I agree teaching especially in High school can be stressful your point about once a nurse police etc signs off from their shift it’s done is far wide of the mark They very often don’t get off when their shift ends, many have to take report writing home with them to even start to catch up, the other thing they take home with them often is the visions of a dead child or a dad being cut down from a tree If a firman is is the middle of cutting a family out of a mangled car when his shift finishes do you really believe he looks at his watch and down tools Teaching has its own stresses but you can’t compare it to the things I ve just described
I have no notion of why someone has a child then puts their career first its a blink of the eye when they are off to school at 4 in most cases.

When I return to work (3 days a week) DD will be at nursery. I work in a school (although not a teacher) DD will still be attending in the school holidays (probably 2 out of the 3 days, it's a 45 minute walk from home and I'm lazy!). It's good for the child to have the continuation of the routine of nursery, rather than unsettle them for a whole 6 weeks then resettling after.

As for the teacher aspect of it, most the secondary teachers I know do a good 2/3 weeks in the holidays of marking, prep and going in to work to organise classrooms and displays and workspaces. So it's an awful lot still to do.

Also, if she does have PND the break in the day may be good for her and give her the head space to be more attentive once her DS is home. And it may not be PND, I know someone who seemed very detatched during the newborn to 3ish year period, but once her DD got older and more able to interact they became almost inseparable, some people just really don't like the baby years.

well said Blubelle. I would have responded to old meg the same. I can’t believe she believes those other professions can just simply switch off! Obviously blinkered and only thinks teachers have a stressful 24/7 job. Not in my experience. Not knocking teachers either just cannot compare with scraping people off pavements or finding child’s charred remains in a burnt out building.

BUT we digress - the OP was asking our opinions on her situation and I have given mine.

One of my DiL's is a teacher and the only time during school holidays the two children were out of nursery was when my son was also off and they had a family holiday. My DiL didn't enjoy babies and, although if I am honest I didn't agree with it, what she did was best for the children in her circumstances. It did make her elder child clingy and she had a tendency to overseek her mum's approval but as she grown up she is now a confident child. The younger is fine. Both children love their mum and dad. I have never remarked on how I felt to either parent. I see a grandparents role as helping when requested and only ever intervening if its obvious something is very wrong. Being a parent is hard and even when young mums don't mother they way we would have its better to offer help than criticism and ever feel slighted if the offer is rejected.

All your comments have been very helpful, thank you. Getting a teacher’s perspective is particularly useful. This is when this site is at its best ie, it’s like chatting to your friends and getting their opinions. I have no desire to ‘slag off’ anybody else and the choices they make, nor do I wish to enter into any arguments on here.

I can completely understand your disquiet Sielha. I also find it odd that a mother of a young child would voluntarily opt not to see more of that child during the long holiday and I don’t think that the profession of the mother mitigates against that oddness. At the very least, the child’s time could be divided between nursery and mum so that the child maintains an element of routine and mum has ample time to herself to do prep work at home.

I’m not a teacher but my sister went into teaching at secondary school level after years of running a small business.
She didn’t say that teaching was a doddle but couldn’t quite understand why her fellow workers seemed to find it so hard! Just saying really , like quite a few others that teaching is not the only demanding occupation.
I admit that by the end of term I would imagine that most teachers feel like having a little lie down. Surely the fact that the mother is young enough to have a very young child means that after a rest, maybe a week, she would have got some energy back.

I think it is sad and I was a teacher. However you just need to let it go and keep quiet.

I work as a nursery nurse . It depends on the child but for any very young one it is a long day . Maybe half days would enable the volume of teachers work to be addressed then take the child out in the afternoon . Even pick up early ? We have high tea at 3.15 pm so by 4pm all are fed .

Keeping small children in existing routines helps them. 6 weeks away from nursery at 18 months of age is likely to make it very difficult to go back to the previous long days when a teacher parent returns to work. It's likely this mum will drop off later and pick up earlier but it's up to her and her partner, not to any judgemental grans here to decide.

There is still satisfaction and, dare I say it, fun to be had in teaching. The sooner we lose the tick box mentality and constant meddling by government the better.
Interesting that OldMeg has such a high opinion of teachers. I was reluctant to stop after over 50 years and am still a Beanstalk Reading volunteer in a school.
If Westminster loosened the reins and trusted teachers to use professional judgement again things might improve all round.

My daughter in law is also a teacher. Our grandchildren will attend nursery two days a week over the holidays. They enjoy it, and mum needs a break. If it has to be paid for anyway why not send them full time if that what she wants. She will be a more relaxed mother that way.

I agree with Bluegal re teachers. After working in a school some year's ago (not as a teacher) I get a bit fed up with reading the moans about stress. What other occupation is there where you never work longer than six weeks before having a week off? And before I hear that they work during the school holidays, I did know a teacher who had another job during the summer break, hiring deck chairs on the beach! Another young teacher I know has just gone camping in France for six weeks with her family. Nice work if you can get it.

My DGS’s lovely teacher goes to visit family in America at every school holiday . She’s there for the entire 6 weeks this summer . I don’t begrudge her in the slightest she’s lovely. But she obviously doesn’t work during her holidays . Having said that as OldMeg said up thread I’m “not a professional “ so probably shouldn’t have an opinion .

Off thread I realise but believe it or not running your own Engineerring business really is a 24/7 job . I can’t remember the last time I was completely away from work.

Returning to thread I really can’t think of an excuse for putting a child in nursery full time while on a very long 6 week holiday from work . The poor child.

Bluebelle I am with you. No matter how I try I cannot fathom why people have children knowing they will be farmed out for looking after and costing a lot of money . Part time would be a compromise. School teachers are not the only workers who have work to do out of hours or holidays. I worked for a local authority and can assure you my day did not stop at 5 pm, weekends or holidays. Most work nights it was 12.30/1 am got to bed and that was DH making dinner etc. Perhaps DIL could have GS on a Friday and Monday making a long weekend together. Is the family having a holiday together at least? How DIL manages life is her choice, to me though she is doing a thoroughly awful job of parenting.

Why bother having children?

I don't see it as much different to the many threads I see here about parents needing date nights, etc, and expecting the grandparents to do the bulk of the running around after their children, along with babysitting, school runs, and so on.

Mind your own business.

Am curious to know - has everyone just dismissed attachment theory now - ie that babies need a consistent relationship with one or two people for their emotional well-being. This is something which cannot be provided by daycare. I am always surprised by the dash to nurseries for young babies rather than using childminders, nanny/nanny shares (or dare I say it - grandparents!) under the spurious notion that babies need “socialising” - they don’t - they need one or two people who can give their full attention and love to them. So in answer to Sielha- however tired her DIL is from teaching I think she needs to dig deep and give that baby what he won’t be getting in term time.

Cannot for the life of me understand a mother not looking forward to spending time with her baby in her holidays. Doesn’t matter if she’s a teacher a baker a candle stick maker, she’s a mother first and foremost.Maybe she can only cope when your sons around ie evenings and weekends.Clearly not that maternal, if she was she would be enjoying quality time with him watching him develop. Could you have a word with your son and get his views on how he feels about it.Feel sad for little baby really as nothing better than mother’s love.

I agree with you Sielha, it does seem strange for DiL not to want time with her baby. But whatever her reasons are it’s not up to you to question them - just be there when needed, just as you seem to be now.
Gillybob I really, really hope your DD decides to go into teaching if this is what she wants to do (not because it’s a “profession” by the way ). My DD is a single mum and she did just that and loves it and it means that she can be freer for her daughter because she does all her preparation in non-contact time at work or at home when DGD is in bed. It can be worked out.
DS is a director in a firm that has offices all over the world which he has to travel to, he has a commute everyday and he brings work home everyday and is always “available” even on holiday.
IMHO both of my children have stressful jobs.

I see no harm in what your D is doing. In fact this is preparing your GS as he grows older in building his confidence for when he goes into what will be the educational years. I presume his mummy has him at weekends ? How I wish this child care had been around when my own were small.

Personally I find it odd. I do understand the stress and pressure of teaching which is immense and can at times be intolerable. My SIL and DD are teachers but would never entertain putting their children in nursery full time in the holidays. They enjoy family time with their children. However it has to be the parents choice and presumably it works for them and their child.

Perhaps she doesn’t want to disrupt his routine. She may have had a difficult time settling him in to nursery when he first started and just wants continuity for his sake. Just speculating.

Maybe thats her plan as at the moment, she is tired and knows he enjoys where he is going, maybe in a week or so she will change her mind. If not then she is happy he is happy and it has nothing to do with anyone else.