Potty training

All three of mine potty trained late. Dry during the day when the started school, but still wet the bed at night. Eldest was nearly 7 before it stopped! Incidentally that happened after I stopped stressing about it. I agree that 'back in the day' We didn't know the alphabet or much at all when we started school. School lessons started with learning the alphabet and learning numbers! Today if your child hasn't started their first novel or learnt about equations you have failed as a parent! So much pressure!

Bribery isn't a good thing at any age.
He should have been taught from a few monghs old, being held on a potty so he doesn't fall off it. Let him walk around in a soaking wet nappy for an hour. It won't cause a rash in such a short time.
Sweets are not the answer.

I really think OFSTED were more concerned with more basic stuff than knowing the alphabet, etc
My sister taught years ago and it was the neglect at home that was the problem. Children not spoken to/with, put in front of tv full time, little comfort or care, etc it's not a new problem but perhaps increasing. Occasionally, this caused behavioural problems and If anything was ever said to a parent you can just imagine the reaction. It's very sad as the parents don't change as the child grows.

The problem is the disposable nappies. They lock the urine away from the skin so child never feels the wee against their skin. With terry nappies the child feels the wee against their skin and does not like it so becomes dry. I would put child in terry nappies and no disposable ones for a couple of weeks and allow child to feel wet and not change to quickly either. he would soon put 2 and 2 together and realise when he wee in nappy he was wet and uncomfortable. Put on potty every 1 1/2 hours. The current trend for not attempting potty training for 3 years is also to blame. My eldest was in terry nappies but my 2nd and 3rd in disposables and 2 of my children were like other posters grandchildren dry day and night by 18 months the other dry in day 18 months and in night by 2. We had a nappy fairy who came if there was a dry nappy in the morning who brought 10p for sweeties.

Until she was 4 one of my granddaughters insisted on using nappies for poo although fine with weeing in the toilet. Like the OPs daughter, my daughter had tried everything - encouragement, special clothes, bribery, read all the articles, parent blogs, asked friends etc. All to no avail.

About 3 months before Christmas gd confidently announced that she would do poo in the toilet on Christmas Day at her aunty's house. On Christmas Day after an hour and a half drive to her aunty's house she went to the toilet and rushed out proudly announcing to all and sundry that she had done a poo in the toilet, right on schedule. She has been fine ever since.

I started trying to potty train eldest at 18 months but DH backs me off every time we have a setback or meet strong resistance.

Perhaps I should have powered through but her father knows better than me so I followed his advice.

But there is a new one on the way in a few months and I refuse to have three in nappies.

They will both happily use the bathroom when it suits them but refuse to do so consistently. I am hoping the removal of all alternatives will lead them to use the bathroom rather than be wet!!

Muffin.........get him to read these posts and make him do every nappy when home!

My daughter drove me to utter distraction when potty training her. She just would NOT give in and use it. This was back in the days when they had to be dry in the day to be able to take up playgroup places, so she missed out on two playgroups.

I remember one day, thinking "right, today is the day that you WILL use your potty" and taking her nappy off at 9am, only to have to give in at 9pm as she hadn't been all day long. At least I knew she had no problems with bladder control.

Eventually it was time for me to return to work and she was by then, three and a half. I sent her to a private day nursery, apologising profusely for her not being dry.

Within two weeks, from watching the other children at nursery going off to the toilet, she was clean and dry day and night.

It's very rare that you will see a child starting year 1 at lower school, still in nappies (that child is my 6 year old autistic grandson, who will still not entertain the idea of using a potty or toilet).

I'd suggest just leaving him to do it as his own pace. From experience, you can't force it.

My DD was just like this - would not countenance knickers until one day when she suddenly decided she would and was also dry at night from that point. My DGS also refused to wear pants - he is now four, and fully trained - but suddenly, just like DD, started to co operate. Your DD is quite right - he will do it when he is ready. I could have written your post six months ago!

What I did with my younger son was to completely ignore the fact that he persisted with nappies. Didn't make a fuss just changed the nappy. Took about two weeks but he was cured and I think now it was an attention seeking tactic.

Mine were both trained shortly after 2 - it took a week both times. BUT at that age I was at home with them all the time, and we were in a warm climate, which did make it easier.

My dd works 4 full days a week, so finding a whole week at the right age was rather harder. Gdd was coming up to 3 by the time she was out of daytime nappies, but by then it happened very quickly - also she had the example of other children at her nursery.

Daddy or Grandpa taking the boy to the toilet and showing him how big boys do it is, in my experience, the one sure-fire method with little boys.

Similarly, when he comes home from nursery school and says he doesn't want to wash because it will make his wee-wee fall off(!) the only thing to do, is like my sister, who replied with a commendably straight face, "I don't think so, dear. Daddy washes his every day" then handed said son over to Daddy. For a while the male members (pun intended) shared the bathroom very satisfactorily. And of course, all wee-wees are still present and correct!

My husband showed our boys what to do for a wee. It was his idea.
We had three boys, no girls.
They were trained before two years of age Night time as well.
Two were in terries the youngest disposables. No difference in training the youngest.
My grandaughter will turn three in a few weeks, no sign of my son potty training her yet.
I am amazed at the "will not countenance" phrase. When did children become in charge?

lollee No criticism from me because I was the same with my children. Theres 2 years and 3 days between my first two and I had 6 months of not having to wash nappies before the second was born.

Please recommend contacting a health visitor.
A good friends granddaughter (Girl on this occasion) had a potty/toilet phobia resulting in her holding wee and poo too long and causing great discomfort.
I'm pleased to say she is now at school and and happily uses the toilet.
Professionals were involved and were very helpful to the parents and grandparents who looked after her during the week.

On reaching nearly three years old, (Both DGS)
the nursery requested that the child only travelled to and from nursery in a pullup nappy.
No nappy whilst at nursery.
My daughter had to provide plenty of spare pants and joggers.

Watching the other children using the potty and toilet and then receiving wall chart stars worked a treat also lots of clapping and cheating from parents, big brother and grandparents!

I think nowadays potty training is not started early enough. When mine were small it was terry nappies which had to be washed/boiled each day. Uncomfortable for the child when wet and lots of work for the mother'. I started potty training mine from around their 1st birthdays and within a few months they were dry during the day. Took a bit longer to be dry overnight but not that much longer. I don,t agree that potty training should be delayed like it is nowadays, the sooner you start them off the easier it is to train them .... at 3 years old they are developing their own minds and this is were the difficulty starts.

My youngest (born 26 years after the omdest) seemed impossible to train to use the potty or toilet. He went to nursery school and after their snack and then after lunch they were put on potties. Nothing happened for a week or too and then one day he jumped up all excited and said I've done one. No problems after that.
One of my grandsons, poor lamb, just persisted in wetting and dirtying in nappies. He was still having problems when he went to school. The teachers were quite horrible to my daughter telling her she must be lazy because he should be clean and dry. Eventually he was diagnosed to be on the ASD. Later it was found he has bladder and bowel problems. He has problems passing urine so now self catheritises. So not all children are lazy.

So agree with you JanaNana. I will not be too critical of today's young mums though as they are often working and I guess if there had been disposable nappies in my day I may have fallen into the lazy trap of using them longer. It was hideous using terry nappies and liners, soaking in napisan in a bucket and then boil wash. I also agree with previous poster that starting earlier is better, it becomes second nature. Health workers etc are not always right.

Yes agree.
I used Terry nappies and sometimes disposables which were no where near as good as today's disposable nappies and very expensive.
They leaked and did not protect the babies skin.

My children were potty trained by 2yrs because..
1, My daughter had eczema and this was aggravated by wet or soiled nappies.

2, A twin tub washing machine,
No tumble dryer.

3, Winter babies, so needed to train during the summertime.
And lastly..

4 They could not attend play school at 2yrs old if they were not dry.

Amazingly all my friends little ones started
play school on same day!

I know that the modern way is to leave the child until they are ready to be potty trained.
And more than likely it the best way for the child.
but needs must.

I really think it’s wtong to be judgemental about the ‘right’ age. We all potty train in the prevailing environment of the time anD our own individual circumstances. Most parents do the best they can and very few children are wearing nappies when they start school ( which as someone said upthread is earlier than it used to be).

Daisyboots highlights the fact that not all late toilet behavior is due to lack of good training, could be other factors playing out. I can still remember when I starting putting on the potty my two and half year old twins, one took to it easily, the other one cried each time, although often produced a wee. A week into this, I gave up on all the silly pyschological reasons as I realised the poor child had a serious UTI which was causing her pain. Took double dose of anti-biotics to sort her out. My youngest (a boy) became dry during the day at about 4 years old, but continued being wet at night. Nothing worked, buzzers - he slept through them, lifting him before we went to bed, - he slept very deeply and was almost impossible to stir. I put him in pull-ups (this was back in the 80's) and kept a rubber sheet on his bed to help save the mattress. When he was wet in the morning (most), he would just strip off the bottom sheet and put in the washing basket. He got himself upset when it appeared he would be unable to go to Cub Camp, but gradually got better and better becoming totally dry at night by his 10th birthday.
One of my g.daughters soiled herself all through primary school, into secondary school. Took lots of nagging by her mother to the Doctor and tests to discover that she had a problem that the nerves around her anus did not work. She now gives herself daily washouts which has solved this problem.

A friend who is a classroom assistant in an infant school did say that more children seem to be joining school unable to tie laces, dress themselves, wipe their own bottoms and change for P.E. They didn't expect every child to necessarily do all of those things, but so many now cannot accomplish any, and her school had to employ another classroom assistant because getting everyone changed for P.E or dressed for outdoor play in the winter was taking all the time allowed for that particular event.

I’m another one who thinks that toilet training is being left too late these days, and then seems to be more trouble. What hasn’t been mentioned so far in this thread is the environmental impact of another year of disposable nappies by not trying to train around 2 years old. At a conservative estimate, at least 1500 extra nappies will be used- and they’re not that disposable?.

Normally we produce very little non-recyclable or compostable rubbish, but when grandchildren are visiting, heavy bags of sodden nappies accumulate very quickly, which I have to bring to local refuse centre as we don’t have (and never needed) a bin collection.

Much bigger problem than non-recyclable coffee cups but rarely mentioned.

DD used reusable nappies for her two although when they went to preschool they had to use disposables as the staff found the nappies too complicated to deal with (they were rather fiddly - although much more comfortable for the children than the old terries) GS1, who hadn't yet been diagnosed as ASD, had several attempts at training which always ended with him getting bored and not bothering. Then one morning he woke up and announced that he wasn't going to wear nappies anymore - so he didn't!

I’m going to rock the boat here, and say that apart from showing the child where and how, and a little gentle encouragement, it’s best to leave them to do it in their own good time.
My children, all fit, healthy and bright, all graduates now, were TERRIBLY slow at potty training, and DGC are the same.
Late MIL pursed her lips and said all hers were clean and dry at six months (doubtful!) and recommended ‘a good thrashing’
2 DGDs responded eventually to a lovely book called ‘Princess Polly’s Potty’. There’s also ‘Pirate Pete’s Potty’ for little lads. It was great fun, with interactive sound effects. About £10 on Amazon, and well worth it for the fun, as well as it’s effectiveness.
Don’t worry about toilet training - a life time of neurosis isn’t worth it for a year of fewer nappies, so take it easy. Besides, looking at my brood, I can confidently say that being late in this department is an indicator of superior intelligence and ability!