Gone off in a huff

Lilyflower Exactly! Well said! Or fear of flying? not uncommon. I have a friend in the USA but she can't fly here to see me. Do I complain? No! I understand!

Hi DanniRae,
I, too, would have to stop coming here if it is only for grandparents and I'm fairly sure I read, on joining, that you don't have to be. Very glad you made the point, though (and I understand why you did - well said). I am a pretendy junior (but nonetheless very useful) grannie to step grandchildren so don't ever give up hope because love comes to you in strange ways when you least expect it. However, this site has already proved valuable to me in so many ways and I hope maybe to meet up with some gransnetters in future. It has been very interesting to see all the comments here and I know - on line - people sometimes say things they would not say to the face of a friend in need. I still think it took great courage to post such a personal predicament and I am glad that people like you and Luzdoh (and many others posting earlier) are paying attention and reminding us, however gently, to play nice.

luzdoh as a psychologist, albeit retired, I’m sure you know that SHOUTING is counterproductive and never solved anything. It surely isn’t necessary to get your point over?

True, fear of spiders seems to be inherent . The many replies show how fear of dogs was learned and is not inherent, and that is very interesting
That is interesting Alexa

I understand that fear of snakes is inherent too - I wonder if these fears are passed down through generations for very real reasons?

One of my DGC was knocked over by a dog when she was very small - the dog was not vicious but over-friendly; however she remains nervous and very cautious but thankfully does not seem to have developed a phobia.

I saw two dogs out for a walk on leads today, both muzzled, which I think is a good idea if there is even the slightest doubt about a dog.

Desensitisation therapy rather than hypnotherapy would seem to be the best way forward minxie because this could restrict your life.

Caledonai14 I knew you were lovely when I read your other replies! I love What you have said. I am hoping there would be a huge walk-out in solidarity if anyone were told they had to leave on the grounds of having no GC.
A "Gran" and a "Nan" is always used as a reference to someone around 60+ isn't it? I was in a taxi in Paris and the driver was on his mobile phone saying in French, "It's ok darling It's only an old Granny, she won't understand French - anyway probably she can't hear" . So that's what we get called, well, in Paris. By young Taxi drivers!

I don't think they can exclude you or would want to actually.

However, I have noticed how the same people regularly reply here with confrontational and quite disrespectful words. I mentioned my Psych friends' research into Social Media earlier. They have found some rather disconcerting results. They are putting through analysis the frequent users at the moment and analysing their types of reply. I asked them to include GN and they already had.
The data is so vast it might take a year longer before they publish it.

Luzdoh, there are no longer psychiatric departments. People are referred to Community Mental Health Teams. As you say, this is the remit of Clinical Psychology. Some CPs (including myself) sometimes use clinical hypnosis as part of a treatment plan. Psychologists and for that matter Psychiatrists, have used hypnosis effectively and ethically since long before it was used by people taking a course only in that, or indeed stage hypnotists.

I really do have to point out that MawBroon never said anything about not being allowed to post on GN if you weren’t a gran. She said

“Oops, sorry, silly me.
Why on earth should I think someone posting on Gransnet might be a gran? confused.”

Surely you can read in that post that she’d simply made an assumption until informed otherwise.

Can’t say I’m impressed with the way a certain person has stoked up bad feeling and misinformation about this.

Jalima1108 yes, the theory is little children are in more danger of stepping on a spider or snake so have instinctive fear of them. I would say that in children a fear of something noisy and jumping about as if to leap on you, or fear of a big furry animal especially if you see its teeth, would have an instinctive reaction in children and remain in some adults too.

Many of my friends just do not know much about dogs and my dogs are rescued so have some difficulties, such as fear having been treated cruelly. I simply shut them away from visitors. If a visitor likes dogs and wants to see them I usually bring them out to say hello but I still take them to their beds in another room because with their background they are a bit daft.
One man from Trading Standards, was an exception, he visited many farms and took special (posh!) dog treats for the farmers' big dogs! He said leave the dogs to him and he had them all quietly eating out of his hand and the little girl who had been treated cruelly by a man and was terrified of men actually slept on his lap! They are amazing animals. BUT I never force them on other people! The absolute opposite!

Also some of my friends think dogs are dirty. It's not their fault, they were taught this. If a dog is properly cared for with all vaccinations and more importantly regularly flea and worm prevention treated, then you are at a lot lower risk of catching anything from that dog than you are from its human owner.

So glad you agree about systematic desensitisation. It's probably the only way.

Oh - I used to muzzle my previous two miniature poodles as well! Reason? To stop them licking all the children who kept patting them! Also prevented people giving them unsuitable treats! My current very small rescued dogs hardly go out as I have a big garden. Only the two very calm ones do. Because they are small they attract a lot of oohs and aaahs, but if someone is nervous I just pick them up and move them out of the way. (The dogs not the people!)

I would say to any parent that, if you possibly can, do introduce your children to animals. If possible let them have a pet when they are about 8. There are so many advantages to a child having a pet I can't list them here. I grew up on a farm -lucky me- and although scared to death of one of the dogs when I was small, I adored all the animals, even the snotty nosed cows!
Gotta go, bye for now!

^However, I have noticed how the same people regularly reply here with confrontational and quite disrespectful words. I mentioned my Psych friends' research into Social Media earlier. They have found some rather disconcerting results. They are putting through analysis the frequent users at the moment and analysing their types of reply. I asked them to include GN and they already had.
The data is so vast it might take a year longer before they publish it.^

Well, if that is indeed true then it is very worrying indeed. Some posters are quite open about their RLs, and, if usernames were to be published as part of this research that is even more worrying.

GNHQ - are you aware of this research, of GN posters' responses being part of these analyses, who are the researchers and where will the results of the data be published?

Knowing that threads were also on FB and Twitter upset a number of posters but this is a more disturbing revelation.

Thank you Old Meg as you say I clearly made an unwarranted assumption
Excusable though!

^ I knew you were lovely when I read your other replies! I love What you have said. I am hoping there would be a huge walk-out in solidarity if anyone were told they had to leave on the grounds of having no GC^

Let’s not let the facts get in the way of a good (over) reaction, eh?

I love what you just said MawBroon

Good points, Jalima Let's hope GNHQ picks up on them.

Stella14 THANK YOU! I'm so glad you have responded! I was hoping so much someone with current knowledge of the NHS Mental Health system would explain things!

I retired at the end of the millennium (early retirement due to car accident, was doing research into Health Psychology) I did Post Grad at the Institute of Neurology and worked at The Institute of Psychiatry,Vhild and Adolescent Psychiatry (Prof. Sir Michael Rutter appointed me.) which is joined to the Maudsley. I had to learn to diagnose Autism and to recognise other disorders especially Personality Disorders.

Recently I've done some voluntary data collection and information gathering for some research on behalf of some charities who were concerned about issues to do with Mental Health and public protection.

About 10 years ago I went "undercover"and learned what was taught on these self-styled "hypo-therapy" courses. It was horrific! You would have been so upset! They did not screen people for mental health issues for a start. The more people the more money (over £1000 per person and then they said you can't use the certificate without buying our insurance, doing our ??? courses at £500 each etc.
I can't list it all here.

I tried to say in my first letter here that only qualified Health Practitioners should do Clinical Hypnotherapy. I knew CPs and Mental Health Nurses and Psychiatrists did it. But with you people the sufferer is in safe hands! It was much too long a response so I don't hold it against anyone who missed it, here's what I put;

"You should never let anyone hypnotise you who is not a health practitioner or working under the auspices of one and insured by them."

I should have made it clearer, so thank you so much for doing so and explaining that now people are referred to Community Mental Health Teams.

Best wishes with your very important work.

"saying cruel things especially when hiding behind a secret persona"
Secret persona? Mawbroon's persona has been very open ever since she joined GN. That persona is clear to all who read posts, and includes the fact that she is not a mother or a gran - so the post that has caused Luzdoh to rear up in horror and threaten to leave should have been taken as it is meant, with a large dose of self-deprecatory humour. Even for a new(ish) poster the reaction was over-dramatic - your Psych friends analysis will surely contain an insight into the perils of reading in hostility where it doessn't exist.

And I do hope that GNHQ were consulted before these threads were used as the basis for a study in social media psychology.

Jalima1108 Have no fear!
The research was granted ethical clearance.
It's international.
I'm a minion and not involved, just fascinated by what I was told!

No names are ever reported/used, even pseudonyms.

"Types of response" are not what you might imagine, I did not study discourse analysis so can't actually explain but no one needs fear anything. Nobody would have a clue who wrote what or when etc and even whether it was on GN, since social media sites are not named.

When you joined did you not read something to the effect that you must be aware that what you write goes into the public domain, could be repeated say on FB and all replies are the property of GN?

But rest assured, the research is a very anonymous thing and no quotations are allowed from any replies, everything as far as I can see gets reduced to numbers; how many, say, defensive words, supportive words etc , by the way, I made up defensive and supportive, I don't know if that's what they will analyse.

I think it's going to involve something in America and in my experience that means it will not be completed for years. They might put out little bits at a time. you might see something in the newspaper if it's interesting enough.

There's already research done and published (different people) about Social Media use, I think it was mainly about FB. I'll try and find out....

Pres. Trump's prolific tweeting stirred up interest this time as far as I know!!

Main points though -
-nobody will be recognised,
-no quotes are used,
-the material is in the public domain so anyone is free to sit and count how many times a word is used, or whatever they do.
-all the social network domains seem to be being looked at
-even the source - GN - won't be recognisable.
- i don't know the time scale of the data collection, whether its a whole year (wow, that's a lot of data!) or one month of the year... It's kind of hush hush!

If I for example, wanted to see if there were a seasonal difference in the use of the word "love", on Social Networks, no one could stop me counting how many times that word appeared and graphing it against each month. I could do the same by comparing, say newspapers and the way language is used. All I'd have to do would be to buy the newspapers concerned. This is what is meant by "Public Domain".

But I won't be, believe me!

I’m tempted to quote something from Hamlet Act 3, Scene 2, but I won’t ???

DanniRae Crumbs! Surely MawBroom" or anybody cannot refuse you access because you didn't become a parent?!!!! IS THAT LEGA?

Get the name tight if you want to have a go at me - and “calm down dear” don’t put words into my moth

No, you might give her butterflies!

“Right” not “tight” !

My 22 month DGS is currently mid - meltdown but frankly some people on here (no names,pack drill) are putting him in the shade
Could we just ?Let it go?

Sorry Elegran I hope I have not misled you or anybody over my Granny/Mum status, not that it makes any difference but I do have 3 DDs and 4 DGCs.
But who cares and why the heck is anybody getting steamed up over it?

True, fear of spiders seems to be inherent. I understand that fear of snakes is inherent too - I wonder if these fears are passed down through generations for very real reasons?

The very real reasons being that human beings evolved in the tropics and sub-tropics where a lot of spiders and snakes are venomous.

When my DD2 was a baby she was sitting in the kitchen watching her dad mending a puncture on his bike. He put the inner tube around where she was sitting at one point (so she was sitting in its circle). She was terrified and utterly distraught until he removed it! Inherent fear of snake-like things!

She didn't mind it when he was holding it and patching it up, only when it "trapped" her.

Everybody mends punctures in their kitchens, right?

It must have been someone else, Mawbroon but I could have sworn your first username indicated that your "offspring" was canine. Not to worry, the principle is still the same, it is well-known, and stated in "About GN " that "Though the majority of our members are grandmothers, we pride ourselves on our inclusiveness" so there is no danger of a member being slung out if it is discovered that they are not grandparents.

My sister in law hated spiders and I didn't realise how powerful a phobia was until one day there was a titchy money spider in the windscreen and she was opening the passeger car door to get out at 30 miles an hour!
So do try to get help from a psychologist. And stress it's not because because of your mother in law.

Everybody mends punctures in their kitchens, right?
Where else?

I have been taught that if I am gardening in the tropics and spy a snake in the garden bed the right thing to do is to back away very slowly - not turn and run. Or, if out walking, the stand very still and wait for it to slither away.