How do you tell a loved one that they need to loose weight

Sometimes medication can promote weight gain, difficult one to tackle but informing a family member that you are concerned with their weight issues may not be the best action to pursue.

What sort of family member?

I am inclined to agree with most posters that you're better to keep quiet because the person will already know they are overweight.

Perhaps it is different with a partner or offspring. Much depends on their general health, personality and how you get on with them in the first place.

With some people, home truths work but I really would think very carefully. You don't want to have a terrible argument.

I told my husband, after trying to gently nudge him into losing his tummy, that he looked more pregnant than I did when I was at delivery point. I also pointed out that not only was this not very sexy but it was extremely dangerous for his health and I wanted to keep him for a bit longer.
It is now half the size and shrinking!.
Maybe this approach only works on husbands

I would take this person out for a coffee and ask them if they are ok. Do they need any support....are things OK.

Weight is connected with emotions.

I would think a close relative is probably the last person to get involved in talking to one of your children about them being overweight. There can be a whole lot of old issues as such between members of your family.

We are all challenged by body issues. Maybe you are slim, but have a big nose. Maybe you are me, and have slim legs and an apple body no matter how much you walk etc. Still an apple.
Maybe we should learn one thing from men. Stop. Stop comparing and measuring ourselves on shape and size.
Let's say, "that woman is very smart, a great cook, fun to be with, a supporter of every charity," NOT, "she is just fat, thin, old, young, etc." Let's change now for the good of the next generation.
YOU cannot tell anyone they are overweight. They may be perfect in someone else's eyes, and you are not to judge unless you too want to be judged.

Personal weight goals need to be for health reasons, not just for aesthetics. There are many reasons why a person is overweight, but no matter that the root cause is emotional, hereditary, metabolic or some other reason, the outcome is not by choice!

Our society already imposes unrealistic standards of an 'ideal' body image and so to varying degrees overweight people are discriminated against by strangers, employers, industries (i.e. airlines, retailers etc.) because they don't meet the 'requirements'. Even overweight children are bullied in school. My point being that the last thing overweight people need is to be reminded yet again!

Most people understand full well what their weight issues are, so no matter our best intentions, commenting on someone's weight ends up being pointless and unnecessarily cruel.

I received much unwanted advice from both my DM and my MIL as I was very overweight. I found their comments hurtful and like Nandalot simply ate more for comfort. My MIL even suggested to her son that he should find someone younger and slimmer than me, before we were even married. (She probably didn't know that he told me!) Now with a change to my medication I have lost a lot of weight which had the knock on effect of making it easier to be more active. In 2016 I asked my kids to buy me a fitbit and that has really helped me to be more active. I've still a fair way to go but am fitter and more active than I've been for many years. But I had to want to do it for me, not for other people. My DD has also lost lots of weight as she has taken up and really enjoys walking. I used to worry about her weight but vowed I would never say how I felt as I know the effect my mum's comments had on me. If eating is a comfort, being told not to will never help!

These days there is a big emphasis on the weight is not your fault and can be fixed with attending counselling sessions and talking it all over. Unfortunately, as nice as this might seem it won't work unless the person concerned grabs the bull by the horns and tackles it themself by cutting down their food intake.

So that makes it all the more appropriate then Maw - she needs to lose weight herself so asks an overweight family member to join her as a slimming partner.

I have been on both sides of the fence. I was slim and started to put on weight with the birth of each of my children. Family members commented on it , only about half a stone at that point and it had the opposite to the desired effect and I turned more and more to food and now about thirty years later have lost two and a half stone. DIL has put on weight with her children and is massively overweight now with blood pressure problems. I don’t mention directly but when she is here cook some delicious slimming World recipes and leave the mags around, along with others so not too pointed, I am hoping that will encourage her. I don’t want to push her into the negative area I was in.

My son is morbidly obese and he knows it, when any one suggess he loses weight he gets very defensive . I'm overweight to but losing weight. In his case he is also depressed and I'm sure it's part of the problem. His landlord has just put his rent up to a level he can't afford so he will be moving back home. I'm hoping we will be able to control what he eats a bit better, and help me exercise.

www.gransnet.com/forums/ask_a_gran/a1243366-How-do-I-stick-to-me-regime

I think serkeen is already addressing this issue

Just a thought after starting the Frugal February thread, if you need to lose some weight yourself serkeen perhaps invite them to join you in a time-limited diet asking for their ‘support’ - even if you just have a few pounds you want to skim off?

Make it seem that you are the one who wants to lose some weight and they are secondary and mainly helping you.

I’ve done slimming world lost two stone, brilliant plan, excellent leaders, lots of support, superb on line menus motivational help. Can’t peak more highly of them. Excellent cook books, and proper food!

If it's a family member, could you write a note to their GP explaining that you are concerned but worried that if you say anything it will make things worse, and ask if they could (if they also feel the person is fat) bring it up in relation to their health at their next appointment?

You can't tell them, not even under the banner "constructive criticism" without setting up a grudge atmosphere, and would it be worth it?

Besides, I'll bet any money they're well aware of the state of their weight but maybe have joined the Fat Acceptance Movement which I believe originated in the USA? (where else!)

It became a matter of public debate last year that the claim that it was possible to be obese AND healthy too was utter hogwash.

In any case, just leave it until someone outside the family points out their outsize problem to them..........they will, and it's cruel but why should you make a rod for your own back?

Being overweight is not the same as being stupid. This person will know so don’t patronise.

If your son's overeating is a recent change in his behaviour it might be that he is compensating for some other problem in his life. Is he experiencing extra stress in his work or relationships? People who are "fat" are not always just greedy and lazy, there may be underlying issues such as depression. Confronting him will only make things worse.

My daughter was a slim child and teenager . Then gradually through her twenties and thirties, she's now thirty eight, she has piled it on. She is now fat. There I've said it that horrid word, fat. She has a lovely partner , also tubby I'm afraid , they both love to eat and watch t.v. neither do any exercise other then the odd walk. It's so sad as she knows this, I don't need to tell her , I know she is sensitive about it. If I say anything it will cause a huge row so I don't.

I have just realised that my DH is 2ins taller than me and weighs 2 stone less. This has shocked me into starting to lose weight. Sometimes you do need a bit of a 'slap' to make you change your ways. And I am a diabetic so I know it needs to come off.

Serkeen We worry because we love them. I'm one of those lucky people that don't put on weight but my wife's brothers are big men and my two sons have taken after them. I look at what they eat and the amount of exercise they take and it worries me but I know if I say anything it will cause trouble. So I do see your dilemma.

grandtanteJe65 If an mature adult suddenly had a drastic, unexplained weight loss it would surely be due to a serious health issue, not a chosen life style. Growing steadily more overweight, due to lack of excercise and over eating is a completely different issue and has to be handled in a completely different way. As I said upthread, this very subject became a huge problem in my own family very recently. The way it was approached, by one close family member to another, caused no end of upset that still rumbles on to this day. And, as the "fat family member" succinctly put it, "do you think I don't bloody know I'm overweight? Don't you think that you telling me how fat I am just makes me feel worse about myself?" If OPs family member is a fully functioning adupt, they know what they weigh and what they have to do to alter that. Meddling will just make it worse.
Oh, and "drinking too much" is a whole different kettle of fish altogether.

You can’t. They are probably aware already and feel bad enough as it is without someone else “confirming” it.

All you can if its a DH is state how worried you are regarding their health.

My daughter had some baby weight.
I mentioned I was considering going to a slimming group, (without alluding to my concerns re my DDs weight or health)

My DD responded that she would be happy to join me.