How do you tell a loved one that they need to loose weight

grandetanteJE65, I would certainly ask about a dramatic and sudden loss of weight in case of illness but not one mention of over imbibing. People who indulge in the latter obviously have a problem without me adding to it. I would also assume and be very surprised if medical advice had not been sought on a non explained loss of weight.

I am considerably surprised that so many of you think that OP should do and say nothing. Would you give the same advice if the issue had been drastic loss of weight or someone who had begun drinking too much?

I agree with you all that it is very difficult to broach the issue without hurting or offending the person concerned and that unless they themselves want to remedy the situation no good will come of having brought it up.

Nevertheless, surely one ought to try? It should be possible to express concern about someone's health without it being seen as unkind criticism.

First you have to make sure that you have no faults of your own...........

I'm not sure you can. If you're too subtle they won't see what you're getting at but if you're too blunt it'll hurt their feelings. The only possibility I can think of (which may well fail) is if you say that you'd like to 'get healthy' and would they like to join you?

You could ask him what he would like for his birthday? Gym membership? Running machine. You could get a dog and ask him to walk it for you. Perhaps you could go on a fitness regime and when you are more slender he might be encouraged.
Perhaps make the food you make for him at home low carb high fruit and veg . Or perhaps just ask him to go for walks with you. Perhaps buy him a new shirt.
But I know it's not easy!

My opinion is that bringing up the fact that you've lost weight may sound a bit judgemental. Well, to someone a bit touchy about their weight (and who isn't, really?) it might.

Serkeen, the relationship doesn't actually matter. I say this as someone who is in exactly the same boat. Nothing you can say or do will prevent him from having diabetes if he doesn't have a mind to do the fix himself. I've decided not to waste our precious time together by criticising (in total love) him in any way. Not easy. I'm quick as a flash to pile on the praise if I see the occasional bit of streamlining. He's just a joy to me otherwise.

Serkeen does your son live with you?
How old is he?
Assuming No to the first and “grown up” to the second, you will have to allow an adult young man make his own decisions if you are not to be seen as a fussy mum.
If I have got it right (and apologies if I have not) I believe you have posted about relationship difficulties in the past.
All the more reason.

Pagzy my DH lost weight by stopping snacking and eating sensibly accompanied by daily walking. He weighs every day. If it goes up he cuts back. He now walks 6-8 miles a day every day regardless of the weather. He feels infinitely better 2 stone less.

I know your concerned however really it's not your business! Bringing this up directly to them is going to make matters worse. They will get defensive and isolate if you are direct about it. However you are clearly concerned so I suggest this

Look for an opening in a conversation to say, that you think they aren't very happy these days and if they need to talk the person knows where you are. Leave it at that.

If they ask what you mean I would just say again " perhaps I am wrong but you just don't seem happy" do not say you noticed they have put on weight. Even if they deny they are unhappy you have left them an opening to talk with you if they wish to in future

People who are going through stuff often turn to something external to short term fix the way they feel

You can’t! So I would suggest starting with a sentence such as ‘ I know you probably won’t like me saying this & I expect you already know, but I m here to help with suggestions if it will help you to eat a bit healthier,( or words to that effect, )good luck

Serkeen you can 'do' anything you like but if your son is not ready it will all be for nothing.

This is his problem , and even as the most loving mother in the world, you cannot fix it. HE must want it. Need it. HE must fix it.

Once he is in that mind-set you can help but you have to do the hardest thing ever - you have to wait.

The only thing you could do is to only serve healthy meals in your house, have no snacks for grazing etc. You don't say if he lives with you or if you cook his meals but that is all you can influence at this time.

Good luck.

Well, my opinion is on the other side of the fence here to most and I think that pussyfooting around problems often does no good at all. If you're fat, smelly, dirty, take drugs, waste money and then plead poverty or whatever then I don't know why concerned people wouldn't comment that they are worried about you. Whether you choose to do anything about it would be up to yourself but I think many people are blind to their own problems and often it needs something to kick start them to making different choices.

Certainly, I wouldn't facilitate their poor choice of lifestyle in any way for example by giving lifts when they could walk and only offer them healthy foods if entertaining them.

My eldest daughter put on a serious amount of weight. Before during and after her first pregnancy. She went up a size 24 and was 18 1/2 stone. Nothing anyone could say made any difference. Her partner accepted her as she was. Then one day she decided to go to slimming world. She lost 3 stone got pregnant but didn't put a pound on during the pregnancy and then after the birth lost another 4 1/2 stone. She is now a gorgeous size 14 and looks stunning. Anyway...A person has to decide themselves. Just be there and support your loved one whatever decisions they make x

I helped my daughter lose 2 1/2 stones in 2016-2017 and she looked gorgeous low Carb high protein sending her to work with packed lunchs took time and cost more as well but it worked. Until she and her boyfriend bought their own place now she has slowly but surely started to put the weight back on, so I told her I wasn't mean or nasty but I felt after all that time and effort and cost I should mention it! She knew and is now back on it.
I won't be there to help this time but I will give her encouragement. It does depend on who they are and how they will take it only you know that.

If it at all makes a difference, the family member is my son which is why I am worried, there is diabetes in the family..

What I have done so far is bring up the subject whilst he was in the room of my own wins with loosing weight, he may have picked up that it was slightly targeted at him and so now after reading all of your posts saying DONT mention it I am doubly worried.

I am not sure why he is over eating maybe he is compensating for something I don't really know but I am very very worried that he is now a ticking time bomb for diabetes and what kind of a Mother would I be to sit back and let that happen

What can I do .. ..

serkeen
Unsolicited opinions/advice is not recommended.
Been there and suffered the consequences

Loose weight?

I always think people are their own worse critics, so I would never comment on someone's appearance unless it was positive. People who have put on weight (I am one!) know.

A previous poster made a good point about medication contributing to weight gain.
Steroids can do this, as my DH found out. Doctors didn't admit it, when asked, and just told him to cut down on red meat and alcohol (he was vegetarian and rarely drank alcohol).
Fortunately, his medication was changed and, in combination with careful eating, he lost the weight over a long time.

Some years ago my mother asked me' Why are you so overweight?' not in a kind way. I wanted to say because you have made me bonkers but I didn't. I said 'because I eat too much' - that satisfied her. Coming from a woman with a very strange relationship with food I wasn't impressed.

kazziecookie, VERY well done you! And don't just 'hope' it stays off: make it. Terrific! I'm truly happy for you.

Many years ago my sister (a tough lady) gave me a dress as a thank-you gift for baby-sitting. I let out a yelp when I saw the size - it was a size 20 - and she said sternly, "try it on". So I did. It fitted. I didn't go on a diet, but I did cut out the over-eating. I'm happy to say it worked.

I agree with those who have said try to encourage them to go with you for whatever exercise you think they will enjoy. If you are at all overweight yourself, gently refuse the biscuits when you have coffee with them and, again gently,let them know what you are doing to lose weight.

I have a friend who for years was very overweight, also had type 2 diabetes but always maintained she was happy with her weight. I don't know what made her decide to suddenly lose weight but she started taking care what she ate, went on long walks every day and is now just overweight rather than obese and feels loads better for it.

I have a DiL who seems to know a lot about nutrition and is happy to advise me what I should be doing whether I ask or not. It is meant kindly so I don't mind but I find it hard to reconcile that with her own mother who is nearly as wide as she is tall!

Please don't mention it. I have a close friend who is very, very overweight though she carries it well. She's had various serious problems with her blood pressure and yet not even the assorted medics dealing with her complex problems, have mentioned her weight. I only know this because she mentioned it. I acted surprised. The point is she's fully aware but chooses to do nothing ..... So I say nothing!