Has anyone out there ever tried to find a child that was adopted?

Do you know the adopted daughter's present name, or maiden name?

If so, try the Salvation Army - they are usually the quickest at finding "lost" relatives.

Going through the adoption authorities might well take longer than the time your sister- in-law has left. Would you consider promising to see that her daughter gets the information regarding the genetic condition if time runs out for your sister-in-law?

An association for sufferers from that particular condition may exist. If it does, get in touch with them. They may well have members who have specifically mentioned that they do not know the names of their birth parents due to being adopted. The society cannot give you their details, but might undertake to forward your sister-in-law's to women born in the same month and year as her daughter.

A new thread might be a good idea as the lady in question who wanted to find her daughter was dying 5 years ago and this could cause the OP, her Sis-IL, distress.

Why? Relevant information on a general topic is relevant, whatever the date.

Sorry, i hadnt realised the thread was so old, my fault.

Apologies.

BlueBelle

This is 4 years old please start a new thread to comment about any on going problems such as this

Let’s see how long posters ignore this information and keep posting ?

This is 4 years old please start a new thread to comment about any on going problems such as this

It may be too late now since this thread is old. If the mother is dying and wants to know her daughter is okay please honour her wishes! I do not live in the UK but know many who have connected even in the final phase of their lives it is a great gift to all. There are different circumstances to adoption as in many young girls years ago were sent to Homes for Unwed Mother's and honestly had no choice over what happened not even being given permission to see or hold their newborn and have worried daily for their whole lives about their child. In many ways it is worse than death. In Canada records are now open and it only takes a few weeks to get the results. In the event of a life threatening illness it can be faster. This is not the same situation as a child being removed from a home due to neglect or abuse. We all deserve to know where we came from no matter what or where!

I am on the other side of the fence regarding adoption. I was adopted at 6 weeks old. I have recently found out the name of my natural father through ANCESTRY DNA .

ElvisD4 Perhaps you have not noticed, but the thread on which you have recently posted is actually over four years old. Sadly we don't know the outcome.

Unless her daughter has registered with one of the adoption registers, I will counsel your friend to lodge a letter with the adoption agency if she ever comes looking and leave it at that. In her state of health, how would she cope with the rejection that often comes from such approaches? Which should be expected, really. I foster 2 kids through fosterplus.org. I want to adopt them. If their real parents ever come looking for them, I will personally kick their asses. It's not ok to abandon your children, especially in this kind of foster care.

Well MargaretX would you like my SinL’s telephone no. so you can tell her that?

I thought that the mother can be sought but not the child.
If the child wants contact there is a case but many don't want it.
I feel it would be cruel to be introduced to a dying mother. Leave the young woman alone, let her live her life without that worry. Later if she has been found you could send a letter or a ring etc.

I am trying to keep my own feelings and opinions here under wraps.
A difficult one as I’m generally full of opinions.
I don’t think That there will be time now for them to meet and can only hope that the knowledge that her mother did try to contact her will be positive for the daughter. As, hopefully, will the chance to meet her brother and cousins.
We are in England grandtante.

Are you in England or Scotland? Everyone here seems to be assuming England, but things are rather different in Scotland.
If the person you are looking for was given up for adoption before 1970 it can be more than difficult to trace them, but in Scotland New Register House, 3 W Register St, Edinburgh EH1 3YT, +44 131 334 0380 may be able to help.

Unless her daughter has registered with one of the adoption registers I would counsel your friend to lodge a letter with the adoption agency in case she ever comes looking and leave it at that. In her state of health how would she cope with the rejection that often comes from such approaches. On TV we only see the happy endings and I always wonder what percentage of the cases they follow declined the invitation. Also as grannyactivist says, think about the effect on the daughter of meeting and then discovering that her birthmother is in fact dying. My daughter found that her birthmother had already died and that was devastating enough. I was just thankful that my daughter didn’t find her in time to watch her dying. My friend found her son only to be told thanks but no thanks and go away. It’s all a bit of a minefield.

Firstly it depends on whether the person wants to be found. Secondly, Davina McCall and Nicky Chapman have just this week or two been advertising for people to take part on the programme Long Lost Family.

I do so hope she finds her daughter. Please give updates as I am sure everyone will want to know the outcome. Good luck x

All of these suggestions are excellent. I had to go through the adoption services of my local county council to find details of my birth mother so they would certainly help and advise. The Adoption Search Reunion is definitely worth a try. Good luck!

I know that my mother would have loved to have seen her mother and hear her say her name. Perhaps as well as a letter a short video could be made while she is well enough just in case the search takes longer than expected.

Facebook sounds a far from ideal way of making contact but I also wonder how successful it would be. Unless she knows the adopted names of her daughter she won't be able to find her. So much depends on how long ago this adoption was because the rules have changed so much and adoptions tend to be far more open these days.

As a social worker part of my job was to offer the statutory counselling required for adoptee reunions. Your SinL's health is something that both she and her adopted daughter need help to deal with; can you imagine being the daughter and having to deal with a reunion with a dying birth mother?
My very strong advice would be to go through the 'proper channels', i.e. the contact register and/or the adoption agency that placed the daughter. Definitely NOT FaceBook.

Hi - I would caution against using Fb - you need to think about the age of the adopted person and how much information they might have been given about their birth family and the circumstances around the adoption. The birth mother needs to speak with the adoption team based within the area where she pays council tax - they will probably be unable to offer a tracing service within her timescales but will signpost to the voluntary agency they have an contract with - it will probably cost if birth Mim goes down the voluntary route but social services and social workers can be trusted and are
more likely to deal with issues sensitively.

Is the internet unavailable or is has she just chosen not to be online? Maybe you could get her a smartphone and show her how to use it.

My friend used a private detective and it cost £250 and was almost immediate, certainly same day.

That was about 5 years ago.

I suggest a contact to the agency who handled the adoption.
Church of England Children's Society, local authority,etc.

I traced my birth family this way.