Any ideas welcome

Bluebelle, I am so glad it went well, What a love you are to care so much. Watching Bake off was brilliant!

Bluebelle your kindliness will have made a huge difference to your friend's husband and although your friend may not even remember your thoughtfulness she will know that you made her feel welcomed and cared for.

Well done Bluebelle, You sound like a lovely caring lady & your help will have been invaluable, & was a big undertaking , Glad our limited input helped in some small way .

I am glad all went well bluebelle. You are a true friend.

Hi Bluebelle some excellent suggestions and the evening went well. My MIL had Alzheimer's and she used to love "dressing up" - which sometimes meant we'd have her in an evening dress and make up at 10 in the morning

I also just want to add - "the aggressive stage" is not a given. The doctor who assessed my MIL told us "You could get aggression or 'off with the fairies' - pray for the latter". We got the latter, my MIL was the funniest, sunniest and happiest Alzheimer's patient for 20 years. The most challenging thing she ever did was come on to any man who came close - no exceptions! She died a month ago, at home, in her own bed (not in the UK).

So pleased the evening went well - you put so much loving thought into it. Glad the H had a chance for some respite and the added sense of support because of your time and care.

What a lovely person you are!

Thanks so much I'm overwhelmed with all the answers which I will keep in my head
Norose and Annsixty you were right I kept it really simple We did look at some school photos and she remembered some names but that didn't last very long .... then I made a pizza and coffee which we ate on our knees and she throughly enjoyed that ....Then Bake off came onto the TV (which I d left on in the background something I wouldn't normally do) I don't normally watch Bake off as I m not much into cooking but I used that as a trigger and we laughed at the disasters and said how awful some of the food looked and how good others did and the time passed nicely
I m not new to dementia ( both Nan and Mum) but I know so little about my friends life in between school and now and she is at the inbetween stage not needing 'playing with' but definitely not able to be alone or pass the time or have conversations without help but she is quite mellow and not at the aggressive stage (that I know so well )
Her husband came for her and she was pleased to see him but didn't seem to want to rush off so we had half an hour chatting together (I barely know him but he's doing a great job)
Again thanks for taking the time to give me excellent ideas

Annsixty's post is spot on, imo.

If your friend still has her long term memory, then an old film or old songs might help. Otherwise, no.

But really, if "she can't be left alone," imo, it's time for her dh to seek professional help with her and stop expecting you/an old friend to help. I know this is only the second time and he needs a break, now and then. But it's a huge responsibility and not fair, imo, to put it on anyone who isn't trained/getting paid to deal with dementia.

You're an angel for agreeing to do it though. Best of luck!

My nan seemed to like colouring and jigsaws until her arthritis and memory put paid to those activities too. When she was still mobile she couldn't remember what she did 5 minutes before etc but could still name lots of her plants. I guess what is or isn't retained in the memory will be different for everyone. Play it by ear, see if your friend gives any cues as to something you could do, watch, or listen to together. Anything is worth a try, and if it isn't a roaring success your friend is unlikely to remember anyway. It must be nice for her husband to be able to attend his meeting knowing his wife has a trusted friend to spend a bit of time with. Maybe, if he has time after the meeting you could invite the husband in for a cuppa and a chat to see if he has any ideas - he might also appreciate having an adult conversation if he gets little from his wife now. You are a good friend and that's probably what matters most. I hope you have a nice day - try not to stress

Films that stick in my memory from the 60s are How to Steal a Million with Audrey Hepburn and Peter O'Toole, SummerHoliday with Cliff Richard, early Bond films, early Pink Panther, The Graduate.

Well done for helping. My mother had dimentia, so it was circular conversations, circular country drives and repetitive jokes. It all made her happy and she kept her sense of humour.

I agree with Annsixty, she is spot on.

Be very careful if you decide to go for a walk, your friend may not want to return to the house .

There is a lady who makes 'fidget blankets', I wonder if that would be of use? Here's the link folksy.com/items/6908575-Dementia-Alzheimer-s-fidget-blanket-hand-made-

What a lovely thing to do, for her OH especially. I think a nice tea, soft music, and hand creme treatment sounds brilliant.

To be brutal it is the husband who you are helping,& sadly as there isn't an awful lot that you can engage your friend in It may be best to just be in the room with her doing the few things that have been already suggested but not trying to do much more than that as it sounds as if anything else you try will be counter productive . You are already being a great help by having her for a few hours, he obviously feels she will be in safe hands in a safe environment whilst he has a break.

Offer a hand massage and manicure as this may be something she doesn't get from oh

I would suggest you try any of the ideas suggested. Although the one's using memory probable won't work. With things you wonder are too young get then out ask her to help you eg adult colouring. I'm sure you will realise things that don't work.

When the weather is suitable for walking don't about worry where to go . You might get board with the same route but I don't think she will remember, just point out nice flowers, trees, dogs etc and she will enjoy being out with a friend .
Have a cup of tea, chat gently about anything to her so she will join in as she feels able.
Try some of your poetry(I've just read your poem from the other day).
Try to keep any questions simple with a yes or no answer, eg "would you like tea or coffee" Making choices can be very difficult. Try "would you like tea?" 'Would you like a warm drink"

I should think a film from when you both were young?

I worked in a dementia care home for a while, my lades loved polishing the furniture and pottering about doing bits of domestic stuff like folding laundry.

I found it helped them to have as much stuff from their own era as possible they loves radio 4 extra, with all the old radio comedies on, the Clitheroe kid while we cooked lunch, Hancock's Half Hour etc..........

We are so lucky now to have resources to help us stimulate people and fill the time for them. We used to do jigsaws for charity shops, that way they knew they were complete and could sell them

You are star for helping.

I think you are a wonderful friend, BlueBell The folding one is really useful - when my mum was at the same stage, I dug out about a dozen table napkins and asked her 'to help me'. I could keep surreptitiously replacing them in the 'to do' pile, but as she got worse, she would keep on the same one, smoothing and folding. Traditional hymns to sing along with were good, she had them securely learnt from school days.

Playlist for Life are seeing some remarkable results in Alzheimer's patients whose families have loaded ipods with music meaningful to the person, so I'd give the 60s music a try.

Have you got a button box , been able to sort them out on a table , they love that anything that can be sorted and put into piles or groups ,

Before my mum got too bad she liked to do jigsaws with people, listening to music, films that aren't too difficult to follow, a bit of colouring and painting her nails.

How lovely for you to give her husband a break.

Try singing with her, it doesn't have to be good singing and no one else will hear. Music and songs seem to stay in the memory long after other things have gone. There is a lot of work going on taking music into care homes and also with groups of Alzheimers patients and their carers. Maybe the songs you listened to when you were young? And you could have a dance!

You could maybe have a go at baking a cake or something. A lot of those skills are still there for women, as are folding clothes, cleaning, etc, and they can bring a sense of wellbeing.
Sometimes reading a newspaper and chatting about the headlines can spark off a little conversation.. Its really nice of you not only to have your friend visit, but to think of things to make her time with you enjoyable.