Your Biggest Regret

If I had my time over I would have done things very differently. I would have recognised that I had problems with depression together with low self esteem much earlier and sought the help I needed. I would have avoided the father of my first two children who not only had a personality disorder but the same genetic condition as me so it was inevitable my children would end up with it. Of course, neither of knew about the latter so even if he'd not had the former, there would still have been problems. Indeed my third child has it too and his father is not a carrier.
However, I wouldn't be without my kids and although the violence with my ex was horrendous, what has happened has also shaped me. Now I am out of the situation, I have an appreciation of my privileged life and feel very blessed.

I don't really have any regrets.
I have tried to be kind, done what I thought was right. That's good enough for me.

Norah, raising a family is about the biggest thing you can do! Be proud ?

Great poems I wish I had found out more about my parents families before they died .

My Aunt thought that Hell was looking back over your life when old and wishing you hadn't done things that hurt other people. I am now her age and have the same regrets, if only we could turn the clock back and be nicer.

Well we really do only have this moment in time and to me, regrets are about getting time muddled up. What we did in the past was how it was then-we can't overlay it with the present moment. So, it is what it is. We can't change the past. We can only affect this moment. That said, I do occasionally wish my present life was a little different. I feel at odds with the madness of the world sometimes!

Not insisting or forcing my husband to give up smocking more than I did . Not noticing sooner how ill he looked . Not dragging him to that doctor when he refused to go no matter how much I nagged . I regret he died and not me.

The comments made by Imperfect 27 reflects how I view regrets. Life throws everyone curves and we act and react related to that situation or for that moment in time.
It is a powerful lesson to learn to focus our energies on living in the moment - for today - because it can hurt to revisit past events and cause unnecessary anxiety because you cannot change the decisions that led up to that hurt. Let go of regrets - it may not be easy but it's a life lesson of such value to us, particularly as we age.

Look on regrets as a learning curve!

Lovely poem ethelwulf
My biggest regret is not having my baby in my arms when he died.
Next biggest is, like others on this thread, not asking my parents about their younger lives.
Both my daughters gave up careers to bring up their children and I am so happy they did, but hope they won't regret it later. Motherhood is surely the best 'career', but having only one income does restrict their lives.

I agree with the sentiments in Ethelwulf's poem. Nothing wrong with regrets as they help us realise what we really want & help us learn for the future. What is destructive is not learning from them and dwelling on them so they nest in your heart & stop you living in the present. If you have none you have probably had a very lucky or boring life & never taken any risks or have always been very confident in your own decision-making.

My regret is not dumping my ex husband after the birth of my first child. What a loser he was but I was determined that having our child would change him into a devoted family man. Leopards never change their spots and two more children, plus twenty five years down the line and I find I am dumped for a younger model. My children are my blessings though and my dear husband of 3 years has made up for a life I should have had all those years ago.

pinkjj27 No girl don't wish that it was you.. whyyyy!!

It is not your fault that he died.. by the sound of things you tried your best.. Men are the biggest and worse at taking care of themselves!!.... and that is why he died.. because he did not take care of himself.

What you have to remember is that he would not want you to be un happy, he would want you to get strong look to the future.

Sounds like you two were close sounds like you were a stand by him loving partner in life.. I don't think you have anything to regret.

Some people go their whole life not having such a love as you had, focus on how lucky you were to have him for as long as you did.

Please PM if you want to talk

x x x x

I still have a huge hankering to tread the boards, write a best seller and complete a painting Saatchi will buy!

I am content with my life and I count my blessings but I wish I had more confidence when I was young, because then I might have pursued a career in the creative arts instead of choosing a profession which was safe and steady. I never really liked my job, but it paid me enough to pay my mortgage and bills, and I have a pension.

I just feel I wasted all those years. My sensible head says I might have been a wannabe actor/painter/writer who starved in a garret. More unfulfilled dreams than regrets I suppose. No - I DO have regrets that I spent so long (35 years) in a job I didn't really enjoy.

Water under the bridge now. I too look forward.

My regrets.... not taking the 10 O levels I had worked for because my mum needed me to 'earn my living'. She didn't believe in education for girls. Not becoming the History teacher I know I would have been good at. Drifting into the obligatory marriage at 21 and all the crap that comes with men.Marriage leads to a wasteground of shattered dreams unless your husband is a courageously modern man.Marriage is useless for women...give it a wide berth.

First pregnancy trouble free, then went onto have 2 late (20 week) miscarriages. Regret not having the courage to keep trying for another baby

Having found out so much about my family history, I so regret not being able to tell it all to my late mother and sister. They would have been fascinated but the grandchildren haven't the slightest interest. My mother was brought up in an orphanage and there were so many questions that she wanted answered that I've gradually worked out, but it's too late to tell her now.

'If only' are the worst words in the English language as far as I'm concerned. If I do something I later regret I might cry about it or worry, then pull myself together and get on with life - hopefully not making the same mistake again!!

Serkeen Thank you I am just having difficulty coping with the grief and today was a bad day sorry just feeling sorry for myself. thank you for your kind words.

“The Moving Finger writes; and, having writ,
Moves on: nor all thy Piety nor Wit
Shall lure it back to cancel half a Line,
Nor all thy Tears wash out a Word of it.”

I love this poem - puts it all in perspective.

gillybob in the future you can always volunteer as a Peer Counsellor,you are in a much better position now to listen and assist people as you have life experiences behind you,I always told my girls "there is nothing a woman can't do"so go for it ----best of luck you sound a lovely person.

Not being there when my son died will always be a big regret for me, I do not think I could have saved him but at least he would not have been alone.

Won't be able to retire until I'm 67.5
(unless the goal posts move yet again) loopyloo so that's another 12.5 years of doing this job that I hate . DH and I have an almost 11 year age gap so technically he could retire now but we couldn't live on his state pension.
Never mind as the saying goes "you make your bed so you have to lie in it" .

I was inspired to listen to My Way by Frank Sinatra when I read your post Serkeen
"Regrets, I've had a few...... ". well a lot more than a few in my case, and ".......The record shows I took the blows
And did it my way". Often the wrong way but I don't look back. I tend to think that had I not made that set of mistakes I would probably have made worse ones.

Norgran, what a tragic experience. I have a similar feeling about the death of my younger sister. I was on holiday (before mobile phones) when she had her accident and still sometimes feel, irrationally, that things might have been different if I had been there to be with her.