New Partner/Old Partner

While sex is a big thing in relationsips, especially new ones, even I suppose if they are recycled, many men do have reasons for not being able to perform........and sometimes when people have been together for ages it does just wither on the vine......doesn't stop people loving each other.

If the lack of sex was due to an illness or accident how would you feel about him then?

Very easy to suppose that there is someone else out there and all that,....... but equally possible 'better the devil you know'. If he is only 53 he may recover his libido if that is the issue ......only you can tell if what you have is worth what is lacking, not sure that you could just swap him for someone who performs better who you love love and feel safe with, if you have real feelings for him they won't just disappear.

Thank you for all for taking the time to respond - I have to admit that I'm pissed at you stillalive for making such huge assumptions. Thanks Welshwife, you seem to have got it. You have all raised lots of questions which I will seriously think about and act upon.

My own first thoughts were a bit similar to SAAK has he come back for the familiarity and the comfort as he gets older and perhaps less of a stud
A few questions to try and get the bigger picture
You were married 14 years and divorced 13 ...a divorced doesn't happen overnight so the marriage must have been in trouble well before the 14 years
You don't say why you broke up, you obviously still love him you say he's always loved you so something catastrophic must have made you divorce
Do you know what's been going on in his life in the 13 years you ve been apart I think that's quite important Has he been in other relationships ? Have you? Have you been in touch over this period have you been hankering after him how did you get back together I think there is so much missing in your first post that it's really hard to help you..... if he truely believes he's not up for sex because of lack of it you'd think if he trusts and loves you he'd want to try to practice

My own take is to be very very careful and cautious about going back to something especially if that something caused you pain the first time it's rarely the utopia you are wishing for but I hope it will be for you

I'd read mumofmadboys post carefully again.

Impotence is very demasculising for men, and they are very sensitive about their inability to perform. Does he have medication for high blood pressure? This can have such side effects.

I'd be more wary about restarting a relationship where you get your 'head bitten off' for trying to talk to someone than about his actual lack of interest in sex.

It might be wiser not to have him as a live-in companion but just as a good friend.

phoenix, I spotted that but didn't mention it for fear of lowering the tone!

I feel for you letting this man back into your life. More grief again though OP? What do you think OP, are you happy?

The definition of madness is repeating the same cycle expecting a different outcome.

I see that she is worried and would like to get to the bottom of it all.

The Op is stating a huge problem after 3 months of getting back together.

Doesn't sound like it here though Welshwife does it. My friend kicked her long term partner out after 15 years, they got back together after 3 apart and they're great together again. My friend is not on a website stating a huge problem.

Sometimes the becoming an Ex was a mistake! I have a nephew and his wife who divorced and a few years later remarried and remained so for at the latest count over 30 years and I also know another couple who did the same.

An ex is an ex for a reason.

A doormat is not one of them though huh or is it?

There are other things in life SAAK and love has many forms and changes for lots of people over the years.

Even if that's the case a man that comes home due to not being able to perform isn't one I'd want.

Whatever he says I would still think the prostate should be the first thing to have looked at - a simple blood test will give a good idea if anything is not right. Our surgery gave the test to men over 50 as a matter of course every so often.

Ohhhps Phoenix, yes I see what you mean ?

53? That is not old

Are you sure he has just not managed to find anyone else and is looking towards retirement/old age and someone to look after him?

However, if you love him and are sure he loves you then you need to sort this out and ask him gently what the problem is because it does not seem to be the norm in the re-sparking of a relationship.

norose4 , loving your suggestion that the OP should "probe him a bit more" !!!

Sorry OP but this is going to sound harsh.

I personally think he sees you as some sort of comfort rug. Has he been "burnt"/rejected in his last relationship? You're the sure thing. He doesn't fancy you, he just wants to lick his wounds.

40% of forty year olds have problems with impotence. 50 % of fifty year olds and so on. Does he still have early morning erections? May need some medication to help. Suggest chat with GP. Men find it such a difficult area to seek help for . Good luck.

aint that the truth jollyg?

I refer to my OH as an ostrich and have done so from the first year of marriage

.Half a century on and we are still together.

Men and truth are not happy bedfellows.

Thanks norose, I appreciate it

{blush} I had two boys & had many an embarrassing moment making sure they took responsibility!!they still tease me now ! Good luck with your situation xx

Kittylester, I think you're right. Norose, you did make me smile with your honest squeamishness - and yes, you're right, I do need to get him to be more truthful about this