Taking care of GC and getting ill

As our children had their families at around the age of 40, my husband describes the gap between us and grandchildren as' the lost generation' In our 8th and 9th decades, our energy is not at all what it was and we are indeed thankful that, together with producing children much later, our own children moved thousands of miles away. Skype is good as are phone calls and occasional visits but i feel for those grandmothers who have to cope with small chldren on a very frequent basis.
Our offspring, themselves, being much older parents, are much aware of this age gap and are extremely circumspect when there are family gatherings

Must add. Life would be a bit boring in some respects with the craziness of kiddies.

I too look after my little grandson 3 days a week. But while I get really tired (I'm 68) I know that in a few months he'll be in nursery 1 day a week and too soon it'll be school. Yes it is hard especially when I'm having to look after my granddaughter too, she's 6 and another little grandson, both the same age, different daughter. I do love them but yes it's exhausting.

So many of us look back to the pleasure of bringing up our own children. I think it's a great shame that so few mothers now have the opportunity to spend this time with their young children. Fair enough for those who want to work, but today's mothers won't have the happy memories we have.

I don't think anyone should commit to looking after their grandchildren on a full-time basis. If you work, obviously you wouldn't have time and if you are retired, then you deserve to enjoy retirement and not be tied down by looking after children day in, day out. By all means, do it on a now and then basis, or offer to help out with child care costs, if you can afford it, but the parents shouldn't assume that grandparents will automatically be available full time and they should have childcare arrangements put in place before the child is born.

Sorry, my mistake should read 'I stayed at home until my two eldest were school age then I went to work'.

If some grans think it's exhausting to look after Gc at 56, try doing it at 71 years of age.

Trying to get my 20month old gs into his cot for his nap took approx one and a half hours. He didn't want to go. In the end I laid on bed with him and he eventually went of, but what a performance. At the end of the day I felt quite ill.

I try to avoid long periods of childcare now as I don't want to be or feel ill.
It's not nice.

Always glad to see him, but for short time only.

When my children were young my OH was in the RAF and so we travelled around a lot. I did not have any help from anyone, including my family, when it came to childcare. I worked until the two oldest were school age, then I went to work. When my youngest was born I looked after him myself until he was 7yrs old then I went out to work, and I continued working until I took early retirement. It was hard, but I look on those days as some of the best times in my life.

I have loved helping out with my oldest Grandchild. He lives near us so no worries about travel etc. He is and always has been, a joy to be with. He entertains us now that he is older. It is not a chore, it is a pleasure. I only wish the other GCs were closer so that we could look after them too. Now he is grown up we miss him coming round, because now he is busy with A-Levels and soon, as we know, he will cut the ties altogether and begin to live his own life. Make the most of it while you can I say.

However, if you are not as fit and as well as I am it could be a bit difficult. I understand that. All you can do is your best, and if it gets too much for you then it is time to speak up. Any help you can give would be appreciated these days. Most couples need to go out to work, but even part-time helps doesn't it.

It's all about balance, isn't it? I don't think it's unreasonable at all to be asked to help out with childcare, but I would not want to have full responsibility for it. My mum and mum-in-law, helped us out during school holidays, and looked after the children for the odd weekend so that we could have a break, but it was occasional, and very much appreciated. I spent a lot of time with my grandmother when I was a child, and we both loved it. I now help out when I can with my little'ns, and I feel valued and appreciated for it. I think it's what life is about, the generations helping each other to raise children, and look after each other mutually. There'll be payback, of course, when I'm old.... ?

We have 3 of our 7 GC one day a week and the other 4 usual visit with parents at the weekend. I find the one day a week exhausting now as I'm getting over a severe back problem though I have to say DH does more than his bit and is far more active. Yesterday was a nightmare as I wasn't mobile and the children aren't exactly tidy shall we say! I became grumpy and feel bad about it. I suppose I shouldn't have had them but DD is a single parent and has her own health issues so one day a week isn't too much to ask. The worst part for me is the feeding: I've never known such fussy eaters and it drives me nuts to the point that I generally now just supply cold meats, spreads, salady bits such as eggs and cucumber and bread and butter! The best thing as has been said before is being part of their lives and though they may not think it, I love them very much - but I also have a life too!!!

Looking after my 2 DGD's has kept me going. It gave me a purpose after I lost my DH 5 years ago.DD and Sil are shift workers( police officers) with changing shift patterns, so I'm sometimes out the door @0.430 for a 30min drive.

Fortunately, I'm a morning person, so the early starts are not a problem.

.Girls are now older, 15 & 11 so life is easier. I cover school holidays as well. The down side is I cannot comit to any hobbies etc as no 2 weeks are the same.

I just hope I can keep going as will be 71 in May.

I'm appreciated and loved by all, so that's my reward. Doing this has given me a purpose to carry on with life, so I'm greatful I can help.

Just read the article. How do they know that was the reason?
They ruled out other probable causes, and thought that it might be the reason, but I don't see how they can know.

I'd be very bored if I didn't look after my grandson every weekday during the school term.

When my grandson was born my daughter asked for help when she had to return to work. Both her and ex son in law worked shifts so arranged their rota so that one was home but there were times when both had to work. I was working full time then and managed to switch to working my 5 days over 4 days giving me a 3 day weekend. Originally I had Mondays off so was available to babysit from Friday evening to Monday morning. I usually had GS at least on one overnight/daytime stay during that time, sometimes more. When GD1 arrived things got more complicated but we managed to work around it as I was still doing 5 days over 4. With the arrival of GD2 it was more complicated again. Ex s-i-l decided he wanted to go part time so he could attend college to get his final year of his teaching degree that he didn't finish in his 20's (before he met my daughter). I found it was getting very tiring working full time (10 hour days) and looking after all three children overnight at least once a week and usually all the next day too. I reduced my hours at work so I only worked 8 hours instead. Although ex s-i-l passed where I worked on his way to the school he was training at he refused to give me a lift to work (he also refused to take DGS who had just started Senior School near to his teaching placement). My daughter was not well after the birth of GD1 and her mobility issues steadily got worse although she continued to work full time. I ended up dropping my hours once more to be able to look after the children after school as my daughter couldn't afford to drop her hours and ex s-i-l made excuse after excuse about needing to stay at school later and later. Was it hard work - yes, bl--dy hard work. Did either my daughter or ex-son-in-law think about how tired I was - no, I don't think it ever crossed their minds. Was it worth it - yes, of course. Would I do it again if I could go back in time - probably not to the same extent. I am now almost 62 and early retired and live with daughter who is now a single parent. Despite her mobility issues she has continued to work full time and has been successful in her career. I look after the house and before/after school care of grandchildren, it is still hard work, especially as GS is now 13 and a royal pain (as teenagers seem to be these days). What keeps me going is that they are getting more independent each day and eventually I won't need to do as much for them as I do now, GD1 has one more year left in Primary School then she will be off to Senior School too leaving me with just my youngest GD to take and bring home from school.

I also read the article online yesterday and was horrified at the expectations of some adult children. I completely agree with Christinefrance post. My husband and I did the same with our two children and shared our own childcare between us working different hours and making material sacrifices until they were older. There are obviously some exceptions to this for example in an emergency when urgent help is needed. I think you do not realise just how tiring young children can be the second time around.The difficulty of then having to "let your adult children down"when you realise it is all too much is the worry that keeps grandparents continuing.Sometimes you have to be brave and say" can we have a little chat about the childcare arrangements" .

I have just broken the news to my fabulous DIL and my Son I can't continue to look after my beautiful GS because my Dh is being made redundant and I need to go back to full time work. I'm devastated and really wish it wasn't the case but I've done my bit for the last 14 months having him 3-4 times a week and overnight to give them space to work and have time out. I'm a young nana only 48 but even I feel shattered after 3 nonstop days and nights with my curly tot ? - it's my time with my husband now and as sad as it makes me I have to let them feel the reality of parenthood. So I am heading back out into full time employment as soon as the work comes along. I console myself with the fact that I'll be able to enjoy my GS and have money to go on adventures with him and my DH. Nobody said it was easy.

No shouting down from me CF as I stayed at home to look after our three boys for 17 years, oncemy youngest was in higher education I went to university myself to train as a nurse. when out GD was born we looked after her two days a week, even though my DH and i both worked full time. We continued to look after her in the School holidays when we retired. I love her and have a good bond with her the only thing that upsets me is thatI've never had a birthday card for 'Grandma', I just get a generic one from all three of them. I shouldn't let it upset me but it does niggle when I see all the lovely Grandma cards in the shops and I never get one. I did tell my son once but he just said that DIL buys the cards. Her mym died before they married so I often wonder if that is the reason but I do invest a lot in my DGD, I think my DIL doesn't like they way that they have needed childcarefrom us and would really have liked them to be an independent unit. We also never get invited to their house for a meal. Oh well rant over, I choose to look after my DGD and would hate not to have the bond with her.

Downtoearth . Your DGD is now a young woman and you've done an incredible job bringing her up. Hopefully she'll be independent soon and start to support you!

downtoearth - you are wonderful to have taken on the parenting role. It is something that has crossed my mind a few times in the past 5 years, for various reasons and I can only imagine how hard it must have been / must still be for you. I hope times get easier now and you get some time for yourself.

I am constantly amazed at the amount of people who want free child care while they go off on a 'much needed break /holiday' don't have kids if you are not prepared to raise them yourself.

Many people now seem to have kids and expect to still have cars each and designer handbags, new clothes and furniture and home make overs. If children are not your priority don't have them, the planet is over crowded as it is. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

One of the reasons I won't have either grandparents look after our children. Many grandparents feel like you do, especially when it's all week (and some weekends when parents want to go out). I'm a stay a home mom and it is exhausting. Three boys, one who is at school and the other two still at home. I know how it feels, and I'm probably a lot years younger than you are. I think if you live on the same property as your children, it seems to become like a given that you will be around for childcare purposes and it's not fair. Parents are giving up the responsible role for someone else to deal with and grandparents are becoming somewhat "resentful" as it's no longer seen as a treat to spend time with the grandkids but a chore.

I'm expecting my GD today. It looks like it will be for the whole day and perhaps overnight. She's five and I love her to bits, but I get so tired. Her mum is pregnant and says she is tired. I wonder who's tiredness is the worst! I have a few health issues and I'm 64.

This is an excellent reason to live 100 miles or so away.

I look after my three grandchildren and have done since their birth. Admittedly this is only for three 12 hour days per week and I am only 68 so don't find it hard. I drive over to pick them up and return them bathed and pyjamad at night, pop them into bed and hear their reading. I also organise their music lessons and practice. I don't feel I'm doing anything out of the ordinary. I was a working mum to keep a roof over our heads so now can pay back being not there for my own children by being there for the grandchildren. I also look after my own vast menagerie of animals and all my children's animals when they need it. Apart from gardening, what else would I be doing?