Holidaying with my daughter, son in law and 2 and half year old grandsons

My kids owe me nothing! I chose to have them and enjoyed bringing them up. My mum helped me out when I needed childcare /babysitting and enjoyed developing the relationship with her DGDs & I in turn pass that on.
Life is different nowadays and, without my help with childcare, it would not be financially beneficial for my DDs to work. I love the relationship I have with my 4 DGC and manage to have a full social life of my own, work p/t and do childcare. We took our 2 DGDs away for a few days to give my DD a few days rest/relax time last week. We had fun and so did she! Win Win!

I'm so glad a read this. I've been upset that my daughter doesn't want me on holiday with her ,husband and grandkids. I had a rosy vision of watching the kids playing happily on the beach and me relaxing with them all. Thank you for making me realise that other people's kids will be there. I don't even like other people's teens much. I now know a few days here and there will be best. Thanks all.

Alwayslookonthebrightside ...

Thankfully your dd's idea of a holiday isn't that of my DS and DDIL.
We've been away with them and dgs1 twice, self catering in the Italian Dolomites and had a fantastic time. We planning another one with both DGSs next year.
Our collective idea of hell would be a hotel surrounded by umpteen other children ?

Unless they were offering to pay,that would be a 'no' from me. If they WERE paying,I would accept gratefully and go as I can ill-afford that sort of money for a week's holiday. But to be brutally honest,spending a week in the company of young families and other people's screaming kids is NOT my ideal holiday. I adore my 10 year old DGD and love spending time with her but everyone else's kids? Nope.

Why would you expect them to offer to pay when they are offering you the opportunity to be with your family I don't get this at all

I understand we re all different and I totally accept that not everyone especially old people want kids running round on holiday but what I don't understand is if they are offering you a holiday with then why would people expect them to pay for you unless they said " Could you come along as a babysitter and au pair " if they are just trying to be kind and include you of course you d be expected to pay your way unless they are loaded and you are limited in your cash then it would be a bit mean

Why are so many on here coming across as anti other people s kids you ll be telling me next they shouldn't be allowed in planes or restaurants

I don't think you should judge all young parents. What's wrong with helping out and caring for your grandchildren to me it's a pleasure to collect them from school and enjoy sometimes hilarious conversations over the tea table. Also such a privilege when they tell you the odd secret and worry that they might have. I am certainly not taken for granted but valued for the help I give.

Wow. Since I commented this morning about the flaming this poor DD has had for daring to ask her mother to go on holiday with her, it's got worse! She's asked her mum to go with her on holiday, not demanded that she tag along as an unpaid servant. The mum has declined, she feels a bit guilty, she's (rightly) been reassured that she has no need to go if she doesn't want to.

Why all the hostility from some posters towards her daughter and, from a few of them, towards what they see as a whole generation of apparently selfish, moaning, irresponsible, layabout parents? That's certainly not how I view my children and their friends. And what's all this about only liking your own grandchildren, but not anyone else's? How odd. Your grandchildren are the "other kids" to everyone else!

Thank goodness for the recent posters who have a more positive outlook.

I think you might be missing the point, those who can't understand not wanting to go on holiday with the grandchildren. I would gladly go to a villa for a week and enjoy spending time with my grandchildren. They stay with us on a regular basis.... But NOT in a 'child friendly' hotel. That would not be a holiday IMO. BlueBelle not everyone's children are a pleasure to be with! A few hours on a plane or in a supermarket with cross or overactive children is one thing. 24/7 is quite another. I can tolerate a lot with my GCs but with other people's children, not so much.

I have raised 4 children. I'm getting on a bit, not in the best of health and tire easily. Many of us on here would be in a similar situation. Especially those of us who do a lot of childcare. Really we do deserve some time to ourselves. I think that is where OP and others are coming from.

Maybe I'm just a selfish old bat though

Firstly we are programmed to care more for our own family so it is quite natural, but either you have led a sheltered life and never encountered the sort of children who enjoy the sort of holidays we are talking about or you are amazingly tolerant. Of course there are some lovely children and many of my GCs friends are delightful, but hoards of children high on sugary drinks and junk food, running riot around the hotel and the pool whilst their parents sleep off the alcohol of the night before isn't acceptable to most of us. My GCs (and I know many others) have been taught good manners, unfortunately there are a lot of kids out there who haven't.

Of course I know kids even our own can be terrible but they re just kids yes I think I am tolerant I don't have any problem with other people kids I have 8 live next door to me and I m often having to get their ball they know I will tolerate three times then they have to wait till the next morning I have 7 grandkids and have never been on holiday to anywhere like villas or cruises just ordinary self catering apartments around pools and yes kids running and screaming and jumping in the sun sometimes having paddies it's all part of life's rich pattern and interesting to see all the different ways they act and react and no I haven't led a sheltered life haha far from it Most of the kids are just enjoying life and I have not seen many parents drunk or sleeping of drink fuelled nights
I used to live next door to a 90 year old lady once I said to her do tell me if my kids are too noisy her answer " my darling I love to hear them I know I m still alive "

I wouldn't want to go whoever was paying and respect to the OP who has said 'No, thank you', she has absolutely no reason to feel guilty. If it was me I probably wouldn't have the guts to refuse and would spend a thoroughly miserable week feeling put upon. We oldies need to stick up for ourselves.

Don't let them fool you they will want you there to share the child care stick to your guns I can't think of anything worse or more stressful as much as I love my GC I need a holiday from them .

Hear, hear, harrysgran!

Even during the wet week in a gite in Normandy, I was never commandeered for child minding. On caravan holidays we all spent the evenings together, as the GC were able to sleep late the next morning. They always made sure that I had as much fun as they did.

Just say no.
No need to feel guilty.
we are surely old enough to say what WE want.

I am at the moment trying so hard to avoid going to my son's for Christmas!!
Note to self ,read the top 3 lines.

Didn't the OP say that she would be saving her daughter £350 if she went as her being there would give them a free child place? Was she asked along to indirectly help out with funding the holiday?

I haven't read all of the replies here thoroughly so forgive me if I am repeating what someone else might have already said. However, I'm absolutely with Jenn on this one, but would go one step further to say our generation needs to get a grip with what's going on here. This will not be popular with some I know but it seems to me that there are many (not all but many) of our kids generation who are running away with the idea that our primary function in life now is to provide child care for their children. And I emphasise the word 'their'children. They are their kids, not ours. And I have been accused of not loving my two small grandsons because I didn't want to provide childcare for them. No thank you, been there, done that, this is my time now and if that makes life a little less easy for you then I'm truly sorry because I love you all. But a nanny I'm not. A 'holiday' with a lot of other people's children, no thank you but there again a holiday in a hotel full of just older people, no thank you. Life is about happy mediums and compromise, for me anyway, we just need to go out there and find them.

I think the OP has every right to say no if this is not the kind of holiday she would like. Let the other gran go if she wants to but don't have any feelings of envy if they come back with tales of what a wonderful time they had, and if you find you are not asked to go along on activities so much in the future.

Like others, I'm surprised, even shocked by the widespread criticism of the younger generation as selfish users who just want us for what they can get. I see a generation of parents who are struggling, just as we did but with even greater pressures. As for these horrible children that many on here don't want to spend time with, that's my grandchildren you're talking about, thanks very much.

Each to their own, I love spending time with my grandchildren and I love helping their parents. Perhaps my children do take me for granted sometimes but so what? I'm big enough to tell them if I feel that way without falling out about it. But then I had a good role model from my mum, who did an awful lot for me without being asked. I have tried to be the same role model to my own children, and that doesn't stop now they're adults and need my help more than ever.

Speaking as the mother of 2 DSs, where both DILs' parents are always first in line for family time together, you may find that the 'other' GPs are delighted to be asked. Never mind if they weren't first choice, I bet they'll be pleased just to have the opportunity.

I can relate to where Blinko is coming from as I am in a similar position to her but each to their own and the OP must do what she feels is right for her

BlueBell Self catering apartments are a long way away from what I think the OP is talking about. I think it's the All inclusive, child orientated hotel she is talking about, and that's a world away from self catering and the things that go on are different as well. I only did one of these- got a really cheap deal in Crete and wanted to travel about anyway so it was just a base- but the antics revolving around the consumption of alcohol, ice cream, etc were a revelation in themselves. I can only say I vowed never again-no matter how cheap!!!

For many years we'd go on a three generation holiday with my parents and sisters family too. They were the highlight of our year. The hotel was well organised for children with lots of activities and child care included. It gave us the chance to be with the children at times and a civilised dinner with the grandparents too. They enjoyed seeing the children without having to do too much themselves. Win win! We're now trying to replicate this now we've moved up a generation.

Hello Londongirl My daughter asked me to go with her, her fiancee & my baby granddaughter, along with her friends same trio. I, like you didn't fancy the child friendly hotel in Spain, geared for young families with small children. I will be going on a Yoga retreat instead, my daughter is fine with it. You won't enjoy it if you go and that in turn will put a dampener on your daughters holiday too.

Trisher thanks for the reply they were totally child friendly places I have stayed at with the appartments close enough to hear everything and in three or four storeys high Many families were on all inclusive (we werent)so the bars and restaurants were probably the same as you would experience in a hotel full of kids and 'free' drinks, alcholic and not, ice cream and food queues, also packed pools ( with all the towel on beds stuff that goes on LOL) I m not sure what is so different do tell me as you are right I havent stayed in a hotel with the grandkids