Toddler who likes to say `NO`

DD spent several days trying to train GS1 when he was getting on for three. By the end he had completely got the hang of it, but within a couple of days he was bored with the whole thing and stopped bothering. We lived in hope that all children get potty trained in the end and one morning he just woke up and said he wasn't going to wear nappies anymore and he never did. We're waiting now to see if his brother will be the same.

GC have gone into meltdown many times, once when we were in a garden centre the eldest lay on the floor and cried
I once copied DGD when she did that, she stopped mid-tantrum, stared at me then started giggling.
(we were at home at the time, not in a garden centre )

Comfort yourself with the thought that there are very very few adults who are not toilet trained! She will get there.

Hi elegant thanks for reply what you are saying is what deep down myself and daughter think she mixes with children at nursery and stands in toilet when her cousin goes to toilet we will have to just let her decide when she is ready hope it's before she starts school. .

I don't remember my children ever having tantrums. I gave up my job to be a stay at home mum and I devoted my time to raising them, they did not go to nursery. DD was out of nappies at 14 months and reading at four.
GC have gone into meltdown many times, once when we were in a garden centre the eldest lay on the floor and cried because I wouldn't let her run outside by herself. She lay on the floor, I turned my back to her and just stood, no attention and she soon got bored.

My DGS as well still in nappies. I haven't dared say what I think to DD. He knows how to produce a wee when he is feeling cooperative.

I want to tell DD to stop pussyfooting around this and act with a little more resolve.
Keep your mouth buttoned NellieM.

inishowen IMO The gran should have taken charge and not given in to that. If the child refused what she has asked for and been given I would not have supplied an alternative. Especially as the child took the granny in and asked for one in the first place.

A quiet and firm talk with her and a no and if still no response just to pay up and escape with the screaming child would be better. That child will just learn her Gran is a soft touch.

I would suggest ignoring the subject completely and putting her in a nappy automatically, then letting her play with children her own age or a little older and younger and see how they deal with it. There is nothing like peer pressure.

Adults exhorting her to "be a big girl" make her want to stay a baby. At that age they want to do what "they" want, not what adults want, and they don't want to give up control of anything of theirs (that includes a poo) to anyone else.

I have mentioned this on another forum one of our granddaughters who is three very bright and cheerful is pee trained but refuses to go on toilet or potty for poo asks for nappy on understands people poo on toilet but says she doesn't want to any ideas ?

I had one of each. placid toddler and tantrummy toddler. to be fair the tantrummy one has ASD so is still melting down.

No, mine were (almost) perfect. [smug]
The DGC are (almost) perfect too, well at least DGDs are
DGS can either be an angel or a little **

No I didn't have such problems. One of the differences is the fact I was the main carer so they were very familiar with my way of doing things. My DGD is very used to being looked after by different people as she goes to nursery along with mum and dad of course and me and DH occasionally. She takes it all in her stride and isn't fazed so perhaps that makes a difference to behaviour patterns.

I must ask a question of you all ..... Did you have these problems (regularly) with your own children or is it the grandchildren that are so difficult?
I can count on the fingers of one hand the times that my own children had a tantrum or similar bad/ awkward behaviour.So as a Grandparent do you notice a big difference.Defiance, talking back, aggressive and demanding behaviour,
Asking for treats all the time etc.?

Sometimes you just have to give in though, don't you? Sitting in the bath my 2 year old granddaughter asked, please can I have my ducks. I said she had lots of toys in there and it was nearly time to get out. The reply was, "the magic word is please, I would like my ducks now, please". We have taught her to say please, which she does usually but if she forgets we say what's the magic word. She got her ducks.

I must say the Thunderous Three Year Old was no too bad at two, whereas her older sister, who used to have terrible tantrums at two, became a little angel at three!

Now - any ideas on how to deal with stroppy, know-it-all sevens?

Enjoyed reading all your comments on this. With ideas I could try. The consensus it seems is that all 2 year old are like that, but I disagree. My DG wasn't like that at all, he was the easiest of children. Have to say he has changed now, but at that age no problem.

This morning I was in a cafe. A gran came in with her granddaughter, aged about two. She said her GD had dragged her in as she wanted a sausage roll. Sausage roll was served and the little girl began to scream she wanted an ice cream. Gran was trying in vain to eat her own snack while the child went to the counter and managed to climb on a very high stool and ask for an ice cream. Eventually gran gave in, and ordered ice cream and jelly. The sausage roll was forgotten and the child was happy as larry with her dessert. As a gran to three little ones myself, my heart went out to the gran who was finding it impossible to reason with the child. She couldn't allow the child to scream the place down and disturb all the other diners.

Thunderous threes - that's spot on ! We have 2 at the moment, and while you don't want to wish their infancy away, roll on 4th birthdays!!

I love the term "Thunderous Threes" as I thought it was only me having trouble beyond 3 and a half, which is when I remembered my own sons emerging from toddler hell. Three year olds are cleverer, heavier and less distractable! My gorgeous GD, now 3y 9m, has no truck with choice strategies: "Would you like to wear the blue coat or the red one?" "NO" and when in full melt down, won't agree to any bribe or persuasion, and if a bad consequence is mentioned, ("You'll be hungry" " You won't have time to play") just howls the more. It's always the transition times, of which there are many in the 2 hours I have her and her 6 yr old brother after school. (Car, in the house, wee and handwash, snack, play, tea, home).Some little thing like a drawing going wrong or a simple request will start her off Having tried to move her physically a time or two, I've realised that initial sympathy and persuasion, then walking away is the best strategy, but that's hard when it comes to getting her to the table and eating before harrassed parents arrive.

When my 3 year old GS says he doesn't want to get dressed to go out ( and we have to get his older brother to school on time) I find a play fight type rolling around wrestling match on the floor, with me managing to get him into his clothes, is usually great fun, with him giggling and me getting a work out that beats going to Zumba ! Sometimes have to pick him up and jiggle him up the stairs when he doesn't want to go, again causing a lot of giggling - don't know how much longer I can keep that up as he's getting so heavy and I'm a small 5' 2". My daughter says she sometimes takes him on the school run in his pyjamas if necessary !

I find that keeping calm and being persistent works. I make it clear that I am the boss and I am going to win the battle. It's quite comical sometimes. It goes like this .....her 'No I won't do it' Me 'Yes you will, it's time for bed' (for example) This is repeated about 4 times then she'll say 'ok' and trot off to do what I want her to. I don't shout, don't get angry, but am very, very firm.

Never threaten something you can't follow through on.
Never offer a choice which would be impractical/impossible etc
Give the least attention possible for unwanted behaviour
Make the limits clear AND STICK TO THEM. ( Children need the security of limits, however much they may kick against them)
Of course never smack/lose your temper/ give in. Giving in is a VERY slippery slope!

Give loads of attention for good behaviour - doesn't have to be some material reward - your approval/ acknowledgment that the child is valued/ confirmation that he/she is loved etc is the most important.
Be firm and positive and calm; when child is refusing/screaming/misbehaving try and frame your response positively . e.g. when child is rolling on floor screaming you just keep saying " when you stop screaming we'll have lunch/read a book/ go out" - over and over until the child gets bored!
Use negotiation wisely - if you spend ages negotiating/coaxing/bribing then the child learns that this is a way of getting lots of attention. Save it for more positive uses.
Be - or appear to be - totally confident that you are right and that the child will do what you expect.
Above all , NEVER criticise the parents - teach by example!

And no, I don't always live up to these standards!!

There is a trick to getting rigid toddlers into their car seats... tickle them in the middle until they collapse and fasten the straps quickly. Also the knee between the thighs to stop the sliding down the pushchair onto pavement manoeuver...

anyway, in about ten years time you will be looking back with fondness at the range of their vocabulary as a toddler, compred to the teenage grunts..

I'm headed for the naughty step if I don't mange to look suitably unimpressed when DGS is naughty , especially if it's when we're on FaceTime.
It's easier said than done because he's so funny.

I agree with you Trisher.

Bafbaffling? Whats that about?