How do other's cope?

I haven't posted for a while,thanks for all the replies. I have little contact now with my DIL,my son struggles since the break up,and its so hard to support him when he is thousands of miles away,apart from messaging each other daily. My grandson is growing so quickly,I feel heartbroken every day,especially with another Christmas looming and his 2nd birthday. I send gifts,but just need a cuddle.

Two of my Granddaughters live 300 miles away from me in Wales, Not quite Australia, thank goodness,BUT I still haven't seen them since August last year,due to distance, school, parents work (shifts) etc.
They haven't been back here ,where two grandmothers and my SIL's sister live, since Christmas 2013!
Their other Gran goes to Wales sometimes, but I don't have a car and it's a very long journey by train or coach .
I miss them SO MUCH, especially as their Mum was my late daughter, so they're all I have left .
I sympathise totally with all grandparents who rarely,or never see their grandchildren. I don't even see a great deal of my two grandchildren who live 4 miles away! Again shift work (both parents are nurses) school. playgroup , swimming lessons etc mean they have little time to include me.
This situation seems all too common and I admit to feeling envious of those who DO see their families frequently.

There's a lot going on here!!! I do hope that when Heartbroken feels better she will change her user name and won't always feel "heart broken".

I can't find words effective enough to say how sympathetic I feel.
I am so sorry, and fervently hope you somehow learn to cope.

This is why I say it's better not to know,ignorance is bliss.
Heartbroken,time is the only healer.All the very best to you.Why don't you speak to your doctor,

I was devastated when my son told me he was going to live in Dubai as my DIL has found a good job there. I used to look after my beautiful grandchildren, aged 2 + 1 whist they were both working so I had a very strong bond with them. My house ( and heart) are so empty now they've gone. I cried all the time when they went and ended up having to see my Dr.
We Skype but as others have said, it's not the same. My little Grandson used to look behind the computer for me and he kept kissing the screen. It used to break my heart. I'm on anti depressants now as I couldn't cope.
They were going to visit at Christmas but the flights are so expensive at that time of year, so they're not able to come. They've invited me and the other set of grandparents to visit in the New Year but I don't know how I'll cope having to say goodbye. It will be lovely to see them but part of me is dreading it.
I totally understand the other sad Gransnetters, who are in a similar position and send you my love and lots of hugs.

Him
I am a global grandparent too.
My eldest daughter moved to California 16 years ago with her husband and my grandchildren.
They were 3 and 6, they are now 19 and 22, I remember that awful day like it was yesterday.
My youngest daughter met and married an Australian and is now living in the Gold Coast
They have 2 daughters who are 6 and 2.
I don't have any other children. I miss them terribly and like some have said, it's the physical contact
I do Skype when we can. I also send parcels, write letters and have Viber on my phone and IPad.
My daughter in oz sometimes calls me on her way to take my grandaughter to school, so I can talk to her before she goes into class.
It is the little things that they remember you for.
I have also made up photos on canvases and covered them and made them unique.
Yes I cry a lot as I want to spend more physical time with the little ones and everyday I feel that sense of loss. But at least they do know who i am and my daughters are very good at keeping in contact with me.
My 19 year old is now very American and she has just travelled Europe with her friend. She has become a very independent young lady and I am so proud of her and her grandparents and parents instilled this independence in her.
She also told us whilst she was here in June, that her and her brother feels it too.
As their American friends have family close by and they at times felt lonely too.

My heart goes out to you.

Through Gransnet I learnt about www.gingersnapadventures.com a website where you can interact with grandchildren by sending them adventure stories in which the grandparent is the star. Your picture is the face of one of the characters and grandchildren can send you pictures and messages.
My grandson was very impressed that Nanny was in the story.

Suitable for children under 9

I suggest all long distance grandparents look at the sight an also those that are nearby as I am sure their grandchildren will enjoy it.

It's getting more and more common for families to be split like this. It is something I am terrified of and I fear it is coming because two of my three children are quite serious about exploring Australia and New Zealand with a view to living there. I've got several cousins on my mother's side who live in New Zealand and they absolutely love it, wonderful lifestyle, not so great for those left behind.

I didn't see any practical suggestions in the posts above and I just wondered, heartbroken, whether you had thought of finding someone to talk to. Cruse are a bereavement charity in the widest sense of the word, any kind of loss is a bereavement and it certainly applies to losing family to distant shores as well as through death. I had a very good experience of them and I know others have. They don't charge for their services but appreciate a donation if you can afford it.

Other than that, is there a branch of Mind where you are or a Befriending Service or some other kind of support? You do sound heartbroken and talking to someone who will listen and be supportive without comment can be very helpful.

I used to watch those Wanted Down Under tv programmes about families moving overseas and they always foundered on leaving family behind. It's not easy and I always remember one programme where someone realised she couldn't really afford the fare home for her mother's funeral so she made up her own little ceremony in Australia. Seemed a bit hollow to me but of course, it's such a long way. Funny old world we live in now.

You WILL readjust again to living your life with your DS abroad, Heartbroken. It happened to me too. It just takes time when you've seen them again as all the old emotions and memories are stirred up again. Sometimes I used to wonder if it was worth seeing them at all for all the upset afterwards.. But of course it was.
Other Gnetters have given very good advice about keeping in touch. Meanwhile be gentle with yourself and try to occupy yourself with things you enjoy so that you don't feel so empty.
������ to you

Not easy when your kids and family are abroad. My own daughter and family have been back from Japan for 2 month hols and only saw my daughter for 2 days but got my elder 2 g/ children for a week, it makes you sad but also stronger just to get on with your own life. My neighbour says I expect too much from both my daughter and d/ inlaw and maybe that's right, it's still sad tho. Son and d/ law live in Ireland, I go every 2/3 months as love seeing the kids, but although never made unwelcome always feel I'm in the way a bit, hardly any conversation always on phones or iPads, just different to my day. Both sets are into church, one in a huge way, so priorities are different. Have no other family whatsoever, but luckily have great female friends and a very supportive male friend , so am lucky.

heartbroken it doesn't just feel like grief, it is grief,for the life and the relationship you had which has now changed.I realise your situation is different as they are away but they were still a family, your family, and now that has been taken away. When my S and his wife divorced I was the same, but lucky as my ex DiL wanted us to still be in my GD's life and also in hers. It does get better with time but you have to work very hard and bite your tongue many times and difficult as you say it is you must keep communications with them all going. All good wishes to you all.

My worries are no different to anyone's,I really appreciate all your posts to me,and I'm sorry any of you are struggling.
I started this thread because I found it hard after they left to go home,if only I'd known how much worse it would get. Trying to keep communication going is difficult,I so want to help them,it feels like grief,I cry all day.

My sister stopped after I think 4 attempts - doing it at all was very risky as she had had breast cancer and the hormones used are not a great in that situation. My niece had 4 tries too - and was pregnant once, but lost it quite early - it was difficult, as my DD was pregnant at exactly the same time, and she was lucky and carried to term.

It is such an emotional journey for everyone. I do hope that there will be success this time.

I don't want her to go for it again but I will support her, last year was just awful, she did become pregnant , she telephoned me on Mothering Sunday and said - I am a mother really now, two weeks later she miscarried , went to the clinic they did several tests and she was still pregnant , ten days later snother miscarriage, that was hard to accept and find words of comfort, she has had several miscarriages, but last year her husband was out of the country whrn it happened , she was very brave, planted teo rose trees in the garden bless her. This time they have had new tests carried out, it meant sending blood samples etc to America, they did find a possible cause, we will know this Autumn , I just pray she will not try again , she isn't hysterical about it, has discussed never having a child , but she says she still has hope that she may . This has been over a twenty one year period and yes, it is hard for me to listen, support, hope etc but she is my child . Yes a lot of money which is not causing them to struggle , but!

Thank you for the kind words, I will let you know how things go for them, for us I suppose , I am dreading it to be honest

15!! - that must be so soul-destroying. And expensive. Both my niece and my sister have been down this route and it really wore them down. How ever you are able to support her through this I cannot imagine Anniebach.

heartbroken - I am sorry to hear of this further unhappiness.

Fifteen attempts can not be good for her body

Fifteen attempts at IVF

And I am troubled that if my younger daughters 15th attempt at IVF works the baby will be a five hour drive from me, other three are in the same toen

I am so sorry for all who have an ocean separating you

As a long distance Gran I too feel for you. My DS travels all over the world in his job and his family are based in Taiwan. It sucks. I agree with jing, it does get easier but now you have the added worry of the marriage breaking up. I am so sorry for you and hope things get better for you.

Oh no heartbroken

Please try to cope with the skyping. We find it is a great time even though not long enough. Our GS learned to switch on the PC at about 14 months old and shout "Anmaa" when he wanted to talk to us. Since we saw them a month ago he is still delighted to speak to us and kiss the screen but he flatly refuses to say goodbye!

Things are worse,their marriage is breaking up

To all those that don't feel part of your children's life, sending a big hug. Try to keep positive because it can bring you down and affect your health and then the trouble starts. Things can always get better and my answer is keep as busy as you can and keep hoping.

It's 5 years since my son was home. We visited him and dil and new dgs last year. They do childcare between them and this eats up his annual leave. Ds had asked for us to plan another visit as he didn't foresee it working out for them (annual leave) to be able to get back until dgs started school and annual leave was no longer used to supplement childcare time.

Great news..... Ds has just emailed to say they will try to get back in the next year or so, he wants family to meet dgs and will sort it some way. I am so happy and hope it works out. If not we will visit but it would be lovely to see them back on home turf albeit only for two weeks.