posie I'm so sorry to hear how difficult life is for you at the moment. I had counselling after a second breakdown and found it extremely helpful. The counsellor was non-judgemental and always seemed to ask just the right question to open the floodgates to discover what was troubling me. I still take ant-depressants and will do for the rest of my life but I have discovered why my problems occurred and can now accept them. I wish I had had counselling sooner. Please seriously consider it. It will do no harm and hopefully will make you feel better. 
Early reading v continental custom - teachers’ thoughts sought


