No visits allowed

"It has got to the point now where I don`t want to visit or see my grandson. I don`t feel I have one"

That could be read as being a little bit petulant.

I would hate to tell you to grow up, tempting as that may be. Think of the baby and the mother.

Your grandson is going to be part of your family for years lizzyr it has only been two weeks which is hardly anytime at all. It is good of you to be doing her job, but surely you are doing this for the sake of the business as well as for her. Either she is a rather unpleasant anti social person, or she is feeling totally overwhelmed and probably tired and depressed and just not up for visiting. At this point with my first baby it was all I could do to get out of bed in the morning.
As everyone else has said the first move should be a quiet word with your son. It is possible that she has pnd and he hasn't noticed yet.

Please don't feel you don't have a grandson, lizzy.

Try to put yourself in her shoes and empathise with her.

I rarely see my DGS as he lives on the other side of the world but I love him dearly and I think he loves me (at least he behaves as if he just saw me yesterday when in fact it has usually been 12 months since we had a hug!)

Thank you all, yes the birth was difficult and I understand the would prefer to have visitors but it was the way that she publically castigated relatives. I did give her a present and I have been doing her job in the family business while she recovers so I am at a loss. It has got to the point now where I don`t want to visit or see my grandson. I don`t feel I have one. Thank you all for your support.

I would be worried about this. Being rude and aggresive is not good. Feeling aggresive is not good when you have a new baby.

Think you should talk gently of your son as to how she is coping. Or even perhaps, talk to her own mum. Make sure everything is ok.

It's these weeks that they need understanding, love and support.
The way you behave now will speak volumes in the future.
If you treat them with respect then you will get it back, they will remember how kind and thoughtful you was at a time they really needed it.
They will want to see you often and spend time with you!

Do the total opposite and ruin those first weeks.
Try and persuade your son to do what's best for you, what you want and how you feel.
They'll remember that and you'll wonder why you only see them once every 3 months.

Hear, hear! susie and rhm. If she says people are harassing her and to piss off that means she's feeling harassed and pissed off. Pretty clear message, I'd say. Maybe people just weren't getting the sorry I don't feel like it at the moment one and that's what made her sound stressed and cross. Being pestered when I didn't want to be pestered would make me sound cross too.

Sorry
Susie!

Agree with Suzie 100%
I'm not a gran, i have 2 DDs.
DD2 is 1.

My MIL had a very entitled attitude towards both my DDs.
She didn't care about us. How tierd we was, how much pain i was in, how over due i was, etc.
She didn't care, aslong as she got what she wanted.

My husband got sick of it.
1 whole year and he's ignored her because of the way she treated him, me and our DDs.

Its been 14 days. Relax. Don't pester, just respect what they want
He is 2 weeks old, the only person he needs is his mom.

I do agree susie.

I could have yelled 'go away' at all the visitors my poor DD had to contend with after DGS 's arrival, but was too polite to do so.
lizzyr I am sure you are quiet, polite and considerate, unlike DD's MIL, but I think you will have to bide your time.

I do hope it all works out well now you have something in common with your DIL - both mums! Congratulations!

Personally I felt like crap when I had my first - and we used to stay in hospital for 10 days, so could get all the visits out the way before we had to cope on our own, with stitches, and a screaming bundle - think about the new mum and not yourself perhaps? sorry to be blunt !

It sounds to me as though she is feeling very fragile at present. This must be very stressful for you son and he certainly does not need any more pressure. I would back of completely and hope that your quiet support will ring true rather than be misinterpreted as indiference.

The idea the grandparents have "rights" never helps, when a new mum is having to cope with feelings that she probably does not understand herself.

Sorry, have now jings Even more reason to tread carefully I would think. Why is she concerned about them?
It sounds as if she is telling everyone on FB to leave her alone, not just the PILs - just turn it off!!

Can you talk to your son (carefully and gently) Lizy? Perhaps she needs some p&q at the momentand to get into a routine. As I said earlier, SIL's sister refused to see anyone for a month (apart from her mum).
It is only two weeks though, early days yet.

Why would I be joking? Why wouldn't the OP talk to her son about it?

And dud you read Lizy' s second post?

Ps don't suggest a visit, ask your son to let you know when they are ready to start having visitors and is there anything they need in the meantime.
I hope it is not too long before you see them again.

If you've seen him once and he's 2 weeks old, you've only gone 1 week without seeing him.

14 days after giving birth is a very short time. They both probley havn't slept, the house will be a state and your DIL will still be very sore, hormonal, still be bleeding and oozing liquid.

Don't take it personal, it isn't about you or anybody else. Its about her, him and their newborn.

Things will calm down.

I hope you are joking, jingls

DILs and eggshells come to mind. Plenty of time for GPs to bond when DIL is less traumatised and realised she just might need some help.

It's diabolical! Have you spoken to your son and told him you want to visit? What is his take on it?

You need to bond with your grandchild as well as the parents.

When our first grandson arrived we went to see him in hospital and then booked into a seaside hotel nearby for a few days so that we could have some R & R before returning home.

The next morning we received an email from our DS with a schedule of what they needed us to do, visiting, helping, cooking meals etc., we only had a few hours to ourselves.

Sorry for the hurt you are experiencing lizzyr. You have to tread very carefully with DinLs IMO.

I remember when DGS was born DD was absolutely overwhelmed with visitors (all SIL's side and friends, as DH and I were the only ones nearby from our side.) She was ill, having had a traumatic birth, exhausted and absolutely at the end of her tether. DH and I wanted to take charge and say 'no more, can you give her some time to get back on her feet, but we didn't like to interfere with SIL there.
Afterwards she said that she wished we had, she just felt overwhelmed with it all.

SIL's sister was more assertive - she simply said no-one except her own mother for the first month (not even her father).

Firstly, congratulations on your new grandchild! As Galen says, it seems to be the thing these days for some new parents to want uninterrupted time in the early days to bond with their baby. Might it be worth raising the question on Mumsnet and seeing what other new mums think of the situation? I hope everything works out for you soon.

Wise words Glamma

Perhaps ask your son to call round and pick up a little gift for everyone? Parents often get forgotten so as well as something for baby, how about a little something for Mum and Dad too. My DiL was very touched when after her first, I sent her some of her favourite Liz Earle body cream and my DS enjoyed the Jack Daniels. So much so that I've always send the parents a gift too after each GC.

I didn't see either of mine until they were a month old. They wanted to have time alone to "bond" seems to be the 'in' thing to do

I wouldn't take this as personal when she has requested for "everyone" to leave her alone,but I can understand you wanting to see your grandson just leave her at the moment and don't have her more upset than she is,get in touch with your son and just gently ask is there anything you can do to help even offering to go and do some housework whilst DIL rests with baby for a few hours,don't push it as things said in the heat of the moment can escalate into other problems at a later date do what all good MILs do and keep your thoughts to yourself.

Lizzy

It does sound as though it is one of two things.

She is either a new mum and not a particularly kind person.

Or she does have Post Natal Depression.

My guess without knowing her is the latter.

What is the take on this from the daddy?

She will be very hormonal and whilst I make no excuse for bad behaviour it can be a nightmare to cope with.

She could be scared of being a new mum and thinks everybody already don't think she will cope.

She might simply be thinking I'm a new mum just give me and the dad time to adjust.

We do do forget childbirth is like having major surgery, not for all but for some. Did she have a rough time giving birth.

Not easy and it is of course easy speak from the sidelines, you are in the middle of it all. I genuinely hope things changed for the better soon.



PS

I come from this as a mum who's DD had PND, it is quite horrible.