Oh What to do???

Absent! I do and did want the children overnight. The problem was that I felt I was being taken for a ride. I often have them overnight and we all enjoy it. If I can't then I will say so - if I can then I will gladly have them. As Petallus says it is a treat for us all. I didn't make life difficult except in my mind - If you knew my DS and his wife you would understand why I was confused. Its over now and all is well.

Jendurham

Jendurham

I have never found it to be that simple.

In my case, I would be saying 'no' not just to my children but to my grandchildren who love staying with us. There's only one at that age now but I look at his beaming face, confident that it will be as much of a treat for us as it is for him, and say 'yes' even though I might have been looking forward to a rest.

If you don't want to have your grandchildren staying overnight, say "no". If you do, say "yes". What is the problem? Why make life so difficult?

Jen what about the Silver line?

Jendurham home alone, eh. Good that you can 'talk' to us on here. And if you're wondering whether your voice still works - put on a youtube favourite and sing along ...

"Toxic thoughts" are a bit of a problem when you are on your own, with nobody to test them out on.
I always find that when I get them out in the open, whoever they are directed laughs at me and explains why I needn't have thought like that. However, you have to be brave to get them out in the open in the first place.
I actually haven't spoken to anyone for 48 hours. I do not know if my voice still works. That's when toxic thoughts can happen, and when Gransnet is useful.

Always happy to look after all my grandchildren yogagran, it was the imagined deceit that got to me - silly me

Sounds perfect flowers and you'd be happy to do it again I'm sure.
Lovely time with the Grandchildren - that's what we all like

Re 'toxic thoughts' - in the addictions field I sometimes hear it referred to as "stinking thinking". I agree it does help to check it when 'the chatterbox' needs silencing. My son speaks of 'thoughts that exercise squatter's rights in my brainbox'.

UPDATE ON OVERNIGHTER:

The boys are here, just for the afternoon, til lunchtime, they have been a dream. No arguing, polite, fun and funny. They went for a long and muddy walk with grandpa while I cooked their favourite of sausage, chips and beans followed by icecream. I reinforced how very good they were including the 'eavesdropping' method. The little one went to bed at 7.30 and straight to sleep the older one (5) cuddled with me while we watched TV til 9 - late for him but we both enjoyed it. Little one awake at 7.30 am, played quietly, his brother woke at 8.30 - same. I think that children are how you expect them to be. They had a lot of positive attention and were wonderful.

Only just come on Gn after being away and just read all this. I think it is so easy to only have part of the information and assume the worst. Surely it is better to try to gently resolve something than to let it fester? I won't go into details but we had a situation of misunderstanding this weekend and when we all finally got together on Skype it was resolved. I think that one part of the family was trying to protect another part of the family from hurt which inadvertently caused some hurt!

Unfortunately, my problem has happened and continues with not much hope of a happy ending. Having done all I can to put things right, my only option is to get on with my life and refuse to let it be ruined.

I have these thoughts too, usually defending myself against something that hasn't happened..........often at 3am.....I usually read.

When my thoughts start to slide towards the big, black hole I re-live one of my favourite walks and I find I can get to sleep.

anno they're frequently called 'negative automatic thoughts (NATs)', too.

On the subject of worry. Am I the only one that waits for the next worry.
When I tell my DD some of my worries, she just looks at me and says, do what YOU want to do. She is wonderful at this. I don't know where she gets it from as I nearly disappear up my own a..e trying to please everyone.

Glad to hear about this outcome, flower. Enjoy your break.
Tegan, 'toxic thoughts' is an interesting expression. I think I have been in the habit of disregarding them for a long time without knowing that what they were called.

Glad to hear of the good outcome, flower.

Tegan an American therapist who worked mainly with teenagers called those toxic thoughts 'Stinkin' Thinkin'!

Oops, silly me that was supposed to be flower. Lucky I didn't put . think my brain is exhausted.

Very pleased for you [flower] now you can enjoy your break.

Tegan I'm the same, it sort of gets to be a horrible habit (worrying) doesn't it?

I keep putting everything 'behind me' and it is working to a point.

My son's girlfriend was reading a book on cognitive behaviour therapy and was on a chapter about Toxic Thoughts so whenever I start worrying about something or overthinking [every hour on the hour usually, especially when I haven't actually got anything to worry about which REALLY worries me] I say 'toxic thoughts' to myself and blot it out. I think it's working . Glad to hear things have sorted themselves out Flower .