I reallly want to change my life but dont know were to start

I would love to read that book hummingbird and will look out for it. I agree a very good quote.
jo8, you didn't upset me and I love to discuss things but, I would never get personal, I always generalise, well unless you attack my DC and then I would come for you ha ha. Shall we leave it there?

And Lord contentment still I crave
Because thou save st such

To quote John Bunyan

I am content with what I have
Little be it or much

I like Mishap's list idea and Gaga's contentment. Both good imo. I would also suggest find yourself something to be passionate about, sport, theatre, music or whatever. We are passionate about dance and it brings great joy to us. Yes, we like lost of other things but that is in addition to dance.

i wouldn't rule out moving to the 'country' but would suggest that if you think it might be an option you rent for 6 months to help with making the decision. We did it when we retired, a small town in the country and we absolutely love it. Having lived in so many different places it may have been easier for us to adjust than it would be for others and we just love the way everyone has time to be friendly which we didn't find in the London area. We don't think we will ever move again.

Good luck with your search.

That's a perfect quote, hummingbird. I thought that was a wonderful book too.

This thread reminded of a wonderful book I've just finished - 'the Unlikely Pilgrimage of Harold Fry'. Harold makes this observation: 'It must be the same all over England. People were buying their milk, or filling their cars up with petrol, or even posting letters. And what no one else knew was the appalling weight of the thing they were carrying inside. The superhuman effort it took sometimes to be normal, and a part of things that appeared both easy and everyday. The loneliness of that.' He changed his life!

I'm sorry if I've upset you. But a thread is a thread, and often leads on to expanded discussion.

It's what makes Gransnet so worthwhile.

Well that is your view jo8 and we have to agree to disagree. I posted to try and help the OP not to have a discussion with you on Pschology and I actually said that not everyone understands the Pschology of the mind and I stand by that. I refuse though to be drawn into an arguement with you, you have your view and I have mine. Let's leave it there.

positivepam, we can't always control our minds. If it were that easy they would never have felt the need to invent ssri's. And no one would ever be unhappy. It's a sad fact that most people, probably everyone, are more often unhappy than happy. Yes, these moments of love, beauty, humour, come along every so often, and we are always glad of them, but they cannot completely influence all of everyday life.

And it did sound patronising to suggest that other people cannot understand psychology.

Jadey moving won't cure what ails you, it'll just follow you. Unless you are living in an area that makes you miserable it's not the answer - unless you have been brought up in the country or lived in the country for several years it can be a lonely place. Let's face it most of our friends are people whose children went to the same schools as ours, work mates, or people you went to school with - you won't have that connection by moving elsewhere.
I live in an area that has a lot of retirees that have moved here upon retiring. When I was still working at the Medical Centre we had several patients who'd regretted their choice as they were lonely.
Do think carefully, perhaps join something even if you are not a joiner, volunteer. Good luck I hope things improve

People know when they were happy but few say NOW I'm happy. I never felt that I had to look for happiness somewhere else. As many have said, other people are never as happy as you think they may be. Some experts assure you that in South America people with nothing much are much happier!
Perhpas we have too much or simply have too much time to sit and wonder why we are not Happy.

Happiness surprises you. I have joined a computerclass and not one for seniors citizens either! I noticed yesterday that I felt Happy and was quite surprised, happiness creeps up on you when you are not looking. Don't give up hope.

It was not meant to be rude or patronising jo8 it was a statement of fact that not everyone understands the Pschology of the mind. And I have qualifications in Psychiatry but not Pschology, but that hasn't anything to do with what I was saying. I was just saying that we can choose to be happy as we are the only ones in control of our minds, I know that is a very simplistic statement and possibly easier said than done but never the less true. We all have choice, we can all choose to see the joy and beauty in our families and in nature and everything around us and we can choose to be happy or not. Never have I ever tried or meant to be rude or patronising and I hope if you read my post again jo8 you can see that I was making a general statement of fact. Happiness is an abstract and cannot be found but boy we can definately be it. Anyway, enough of me going on, just trying to set the record straight.

positivepam you didn' t mention "default settings". I did.

I take it you are a qualified psychologist. Otherwise your last remark is rude and patronising.

Sounds lovely, Greatnan.

Ana, my daughter and her husband live at the edge of a small village with a couple of acres of productive garden, but they plan to move further out 'in the sticks' because she wants more land for her horse. They would never live in a town, but had to be somewhere practical whilst the two younger children aged 15 and 14, need to be close to schools, friends and social life.

That should be person not erson typo.

Ok then jo8, let me put it like this, who controls your emotions, is it you or have you someone else up in your head. If it is you, then you could actually choose to be happy or not? And I don't actually remember mentioning default settings but I said that it wasn't people or things that make us happy, what it actually is, is our reaction and choice of emotion in connection with the event or erson. It's Psychology really but, I realise that not everyone understands it.

Oh, sorry - I had the impression it was going to be a granny-flat type of arrangement.

NO, I will be looking for a little place in the country, not too far from my daughter - prices are much lower out of the towns.

Nonu if it's not a cheeky question, how long of you been married for?

Wtf does captious mean?!

Won't you be in a town in New Zealand, then?

Nonu - are you going to give us a word every day? I like 'captious'.

Susie - we are all different, thank goodness - I have chosen to live outside a very isolated little village amongst beautiful scenery in the Alps and it makes me very happy. I would be deeply unhappy if I had to live in a town again.

My happiness knows no bounds , why would not it , what with the lovely time I have with my DH .

Think one can be happy , but still be captious .