When is the right time to retire

Retire when the time is right for you. Perhaps try part time if possible. My decision crept up on me. Ill health had me going part time, redundancy had me working bank hours but six weeks off after cataract surgery showed me that I didn't miss work. I was very lucky that I had my state pension and NHS pension so retiring was about me with no need to continue.

I retired at 61 from a job teaching Essential Skills to adults. Glad I did because my DH and I had several years of driving about and having fun. I paid my NHS stamp all my working life despite having three kids.

I think Retirement age should still be 60 for women and 65 for men - with flexibility. We are living longer but the future can be uncertain as I know too well. I do feel for people who now have to go on working longer before they receive the State Pension.

yes ana, you are right, so I guess I cant say anything about that. I just got a lovely winter coat the other week for a few quid and yes I can ask contacts from the past as Im going to arrange some therapies as part of my treatment.

ethel, as you already have reiki and reflexology skills, couldn't you find a good recommendation re aromatherapy from your former teachers?

As for charity shop clothes, weren't you the one who wondered why anyone needed more than a couple of pairs of trousers and shoes on a thread a while ago...?

I want to learn aromatherapy but Im scared that online courses may be a swindle. If anyone can recommend one I will be grateful, I need a professional course though.

There are some fantastic free on line courses. DH has just completed one run by Newcastle uni about Hadrian's wall. It has been so successful they are running it again. There are pages of courses in all sorts of weird and wonderful things if you google them.

Ethel through circumstances totally out of my control I had a difficult and dysfunctional childhood. That was resolved and I am ok now but I am realistic enough to know that can change in the blink of an eye and like you I feel I have done it before and I can do it again.We must never be complacent

I negotiated ESOL training as part of my redundancy package. I enjoyed the course and loved the teaching. Unfortunately I began to fall apart after a while -physically, not mentally. I did an OU course in creative writing and now help to run a U3A writing group, NWR and associated book group. Keeping one's mind active is vital.

I always thought I would never be able to retire, I don't have a private pension so I imagined that I would go sort of semi retired when I reach 66, just earning a bit to help manage pay the bills.
However recently I have been thinking that life is short enough, I think that I will probably not have enough to have holidays/nice lifestyle but time is what matters so if I can work till 66, get my state pension, I will consider myself lucky. I guess I will just have to go to the previously scorned 'old folks' outings/tea parties etc. As long as Im fit enough to see my family then I will be grateful. Sorry if that sounds pious but life changes so rapidly thanks to the big C.
A few ,months ago I was independent, not well off but not owing anyone, with only me to care for financially and thinking it would never change, I saw myself as an older worker scorning slightly those frailer contemporaries (yes I see my failings) and seeing myself as invincible and infallible. It was not to be so It will probably be charity shops and bargain basements for me (done it before can do it again).

I like languages. I learn them in the way most people do crosswords or Sudoku.

It's early days yet. I do hope you find a routine that suits you both - but this is a dreadful time of year anyway. I have choir tonight, knitting club tomorrow, but honestly I would rather hibernate. that's not the way to keep friends though, I realise that. Men don't seem to.

Retiredguy - interior design Diploma. Completely different from anything I did in working life.

When Easter comes, would you consider say working in a cafe or restaurant part time?
There are often seasonal jobs at the seaside so long as your town is big enough.

That made me think Retiredguy, my DH doesn't have any friends other than his BiL but does have acquaintances of a sort, none of which he would call a 'friend', so should he retire it might be somewhat interesting....... Maybe I'll suggest he keeps working (we have few interests in common ) in order to preserve what sanity I have left!

Most women can't afford a guardedness when they have had their legs up in stirrups for one medical thing or another, smears or babies. So much of women talk is about their experiences of these things because most have been through them and we empathise with each other. Most men don't do that, they maybe would only share intimate stories with a friend they had known some time. I can talk to a woman for five minutes and she has told me her birth stories.

I'm not talking for all women or all men. It's just an observation and in my own experiences.

Bill Bryson reckons (Notes from a Small Island) that the best way to strike up a conversation in this country is to go into a pub and ask for directions. Mind you I don't think that would work more than once!!!

It's possibly a guy thing is having acquaintances but far fewer close friends than women make.
I do keep in touch by email with some former colleagues ( I was the union rep so have had to in some cases) but not many.
Was in a lawn bowling club where we used to live so that was spring n summer Saturdays sorted but again, more acquaintances than any close friends.
Mrs Retiredguy back from sewing bee this morning and full of gossip and crafting tales.
She's only been a couple of times but she knows everyone's name and some of their interests.
I could imagine a new group set up for chaps where it might be six months or more before people began to 'gell'.
I have no idea why that is the case though.
Maybe there's a guardedness about male interactions or maybe we're more shy than we give ourselves credit for.

That's a good idea. I have a male cousin who has taken early retirement from being something mysterious high up in the civil service. He is in his mid 50s, his wife still works and he has taken over all the cooking, because that is what his wife hates doing most. The only problem is, he likes to bake and make sweets, and she is on a permanent diet as a result. Things are getting quite heated. She told him to make something less fattening for that night's meal, and he still made a pie - but with vegetables in it!

He has just started a course with the OU on military history, that's not the exact name of the course, it was something that sounded quite intriguing, and seems to be thoroughly enjoying it. However, I do think that he, like you, needs to get out more and make more male friends. Men seem to make work friends rather than life friends, don't they. I know DBH does, he rarely bothers to seek out a person in real life, although he is very happy to communicate on facebook. Once he leaves a school the friends he has made there seem forgotten. I am the one who stays friends with them - and I didn't even work there!

What did you study J52?
Nothing pops up for me at the moment but time will tell.
Last 15 years of my job was spent in 'teacher training' for Further Education so I've observed any and all sorts of sessions when assessing the student teachers.
One of my own 'hobby' subject areas taught was QiGong ( TaiChi for non dancers) and we had some quite successful summer school sessions up to last summer with that.
Going to a Village Hall open afternoon this coming Sunday so may trail some ideas.

How about a distance learning course in something you are interested in?
Rather than something you must do to better yourself, you now have time to do something that you enjoy, but might gain you a qualification at the same time. Horticulture could be an example.

I am coming to the end of a distance learning course in a subject that I enjoyed, but thought it would be nice to have a qualification in. I doubt if I'll use it professionally, but it's fun!

Time Team is on in the afternoon.
Positively ancient episodes with Tony looking to be about 12 years old.
Seen 'em all but didnfind myself watching afternoon TV last week in the bad weather.
Is that the beginning of the end do you think janerowena.
Sport I don't watch ever.
Cleaning up I do-do plus washing up handy person jobs as directed and c.... but Mrs.R. Won't let me cook ( wisely I suspect).
There's only so much we can do though.
Garden will start soon and we've already done some pots so that's to look forward to.
But all these things only take up so long and you can't garden all day every day nor craft nor read nor TV-watch.
I shall maybe attempt to write a magnum opus....
Fifty Shades of Grumpy
Perhaps

OMG! Perhaps better not yet retired! DH not retired and thought of 24/7.......[heaven help me emoticon ]

The café sounds great, it should be regular so that Mrs R. knows that she will have that bit of time to herself.

I would value that time too. As a teacher, you must know how it is when both of you are suddenly thrown together for many weeks at a time. I have always tried to hide from DBH how much I resent him disturbing my routine and not clearing up after himself, and the extra cooking and cleaning that is involved. Also, the interminable sport and Time Team on tv.

The fact is - his term-time is MY holiday. You are unwittingly making extra work, and I think maybe you need to ask her what tasks she would really like you to take on. Obviously I don't know what you do, but I know that as I stopped work, I fully expected to do absolutely everything in the house and garden (after accountancy I retrained in horticulture) and the only thing I asked him to do, apart from DIY jobs, was cook one meal a week and clear up after it, and empty the dishwasher on occasion. When he retires he won't know what has hit him, and if he doesn't pull his weight, it will be more than the kitchen towel that does! I rather suspect that Mrs. Retiredguy has been working on the same principles as me and is now getting rather tired of making lunch and dinner every day on top of finding you under her feet all the time - DBH objects to me vacuuming for example during a programme. I have to vacuum when I don't feel tired. I want to pile the footstoll up on the sofa out of the way, but he is sitting there. Little things like that can cause huge cracks in marital relstionships unless they are properly discussed.

Not sure Mrs Retiredguy would want me at WI.
She values some time away.
Apart from being out as described we are rattling round just the two of us and that's been a bit problematic to say the least.
We had evenings, weekends and holidays together prior to me finishing but now it's almost 24/7.
I suspect that I am getting on Mrs Retiredguy's nerves now and again.
One of the clue's being the kitchen towel roll she threw at me yesterday.
Could have been worse, it wasn't in a holder, just the towel.

Breakfast club sounds good.
There's an informal get together at the village cafe most mornings.
Smokers outside braving the elements non smokers inside and I've enjoyed popping down there a time or two.
There's generally someone to chat to.

I do sympathise, retiredguy. I am 'retired' only because DBH is a teacher who likes to move around. It became impossible as I aged to get jobs, so I had to learn to join clubs and make friends. I'm not religious, but to add to Mishap's excellent advice, the church is a very good way to meet people initially.

The other thing I would suggest is, you have a village hall - start your own club. You would probably make a lot of other very bored husbands very happy. There is a monthly breakfast club in our village. They all go to a large hotel in the next town and just talk. Our pub has closed down, which was a huge loss, but it became a restaurant and eventually an Indian. Another group decided to meet there once a month for a curry.

I realise you have to first make contact in order for these events to take place, maybe you could pop some flyers into people's letterboxes? You have a village hall, maybe you could hire the hall for the initial meeting, see what other men would like to do.

If your wife has some interesting speakers one month, go as a guest. It may start other men turning up. I know of one WI whose audiences and outings are regularly made up of men and women equally. Ours often has men in the audience, maybe half a dozen.