Problems ex daughter-in-law

Thank you Blessed Art, I know I needed to hear your advice.
Boundaries are so important and I do know I overstep sometimes. My son is so passive at times but I do need to talk to him and impress on him how important it is to protect his daughter from the mother. Dramatic sounding, I know.
I have such a fear of my GD being abused by all these BF coming into her life. My anxiety does stem from my line of work, where I do come into contact with children who have experienced life changing traumas in childhood.

*feelings are

Being a concerned grandparent is not easy. I would absolutely push my son to find out more if I were you. I too would have the same concerns if a grandchild of mine were in a home where a parent had multiple partners in and out. Please know it’s only the actions I criticise. Your feelings and are 100% valid.

Thank you Blessed Art. You make very valid points. I feel so protective of my GD - and truly feel she needs protecting from her mother. There are many, many instances where I have felt concern about how she is raising her - I have recently noticed some sexualised behaviour too - but you are right - it is not my place to deal with it but my sons.
I will take your advice, thank you very much.

Please stop interrogating your granddaughter. You are making her uncomfortable and she reported it to her mum. Next step may be reduced contact.

If you are concerned, speak to your son so that he may speak to his child. That’s his job, not yours. It’s really not your place to put the child in a position to report back to you on her mum’s personal life. It’s really baffling you do not see how inappropriate your behaviour is here. The child is fully aware that you detest her mother. She doesn’t like what you are doing. Stop putting your feelings before hers or she will want to spend less time with you, and rightfully so. Whatever you feel about her mother’s choices, her mother is more important to her than you are. You are risking ruining your relationship with your grandchild, as children do not often maintain fondness of people who hate their parents. Never underestimate a child’s love of and loyalty to her mother.

Your GD is the important person in this situation. Just for her sake, ask a few polite questions. It is not manipulation. It is being pragmatic, for a good result