late dads birthday

You have not lost your Dad. He is in your head and in your heart. He is always with you.
My son told me this when my Husband died.

Oh! I'm so sorry and my heart goes out to you. I bet most of us here know plenty about loss. After losing several people I was taken by surprise at the grief following the death of my elderly mum whose passing was peaceful and loving. I finally understood that saying "mad with grief". I felt I was losing my mind. Lining up in M&S with her favourite style of nightie clutched in my hand telling myself "she'll love this" like a deranged person. I lost the sweetest person I ever met. I can tell you now that you get through it a minute at a time. You will miss him forever. It's over 20 years ago for me (and several losses in between) and I can listen to her favourite music and laugh at her little sayings. Some people won't understand. They'll say "oh a good long life then". Yes that's true but grief doesn't work on that "logic". Talk to him - take your time. It's the price we pay for love and I would pay that price over and over. Good luck.

Dawn62 💐

It is true that grief is highly personal, we do all grieve in different ways, I know that.

I have a slightly different take from many on love and grief that is a great comfort to me.
I have lost almost everyone I love.

What I am about to say about grief may sound harsh to many but it is what I intuitively know.
Whether you (impersonal) are religious or not: Death is for the living because the dead don't grieve.

When you truly love someone it starts from the day you start loving that someone and that true love lasts your own lifetime. True Love is a gift you give freely.
You still love your father, as I still love mine although he is not physically here, and neither is mine.

Your father gifted you his true love for his lifetime. He didn't throw that away with his death as true love never leaves. You still have his love, it is within you now.

I lost my father when I was a child, I am now in my sixties, I still grieve his physical presence but I still have his true love.

I know exactly how you feel Dawn62. My daughter passed away 2 years ago suddenly, I am still trying to come to terms with her loss, the circumstances of her death required a post mortem, I still cannot bring myself to to look at the documents regarding it. I understand exactly how you feel.

I lost my dad in December 22. The first year was difficult, second year seemed better - but I’m really missing him again now as we approach the anniversary and have been in tears a few of times, which hasn’t happened for ages. I thought I had got to the stage where I could think about him and smile rather than finding myself unable to stop crying. It’s an individual process isn’t it and it goes in phases? I’m just trying to ride with this - all things pass as they say and I hope I will soon be back in a place where memories of my dad make me smile.

We were not a family for taking videos, and most of all I feel like I miss his voice.
Oddly enough, I didn’t always get on with him and I’m just glad that he lived for long enough for us to have had a much better relationship over the latter part of his life. I have so much to be grateful for. As they say, grief is the price we pay for love and we wouldn’t have been without that would we?

My mum died when I was 14, my dad when I was 21. I'm 68 now and think of them every day still. No one, apart from one friend I see very occasionally, remembers or knew them, but I did ❤️

Dawn62 I am so sorry for your loss. My DH passed away just 3 weeks ago and I am in total shock. Yes he has been poorly for a while but the end came much quicker than expected. It is all so fresh I think you need to allow yourself to feel however you want. Sometimes I want to talk about him other times I just want to be left to wallow. I’m younger than your mom and I hope she becomes able to come to terms with the loss and accept life has to go on though very differently to before. Some really good advice given by others and I’m also taking note. I have found writing down my thoughts in a journal helps me as I can say things I don’t feel able to say to my children. Sometimes angry thoughts. Sometimes I just find it easier to say in writing. It might be worth a try. Virtual hugs to you and your family

Dawn62

Today would have been my dads 87th birthday we lost him oct 22,a big shock to us all at the time.My and i were out earlier and as we do evrytime we are together three times a week talk about dad and the way he died,it could have been today it is so fresh.So here i am at home just sitting going over and over it in my head and i just wanted to share or something to stop me going completely to a heap on the floor,i really cannot get past this,it was three years ten days again so two big dates close together it just seems that the last two weeks have been a nightmare.Mum is 81 and a completely different woman to when dad was here,have a feeling this will be here last christmas,i know she wants to be with him,Losing him was like my whole world ended on the outside i try to keep my self together but inside every minute it seems i think about dad,last night i thought he was here with me and i was talking to him.Sorry just a messy email but hard to be together when i feel so down,have a lovely hubby we talk about dad no issues there i have one child and cannot talk to him about dad as it hurts to much because he was an only grandchild dad adored him and i know i will talk about him one day to him but not yet.I can talk to my daughter inlaw about him and my 7 year old grandson who is so grown up about him and remembers him.Sorry and thank you.

Hi Dawn
Firstly there is no right or wrong way to grieve .Grief is the price we pay for loving someone.It takes time to process the raw suddenness of losing your beloved dad .
Keep on talking to him wherever he is he will hear you .
It’s 12 years since my beloved step pops passed away fairly suddenly, I still find myself talking out aloud to him and asking his advice!.
It does take time to adjust and navigate the grieving journey . The first year is the hardest especially when you are helping your mum come to terms with everything as well .
There is nothing to be sorry about . Don’t bottle up your tears let it out !..
Sending much love and hugs to you dawn

You are in so much pain Dawn62 - I don’t know what to say but give you a virtual 🤗 - this is the price we pay for love - look after yourself

i am so sorry to hear about your great sadness and loss. I am sure your Dad would have wanted you to find someone to talk to - we all need support in grief. As someone else has said you could try Cruse
W ebsite: cruse.org.uk
Helpline: 0808 808 1677

There is also a trust which brings together various support services thegoodgrieftrust.org

I hope you will contact someone to listen to you and support you as you grieve.

Then there is Mind:
Mind – Bereavement Support
Offers mental health guidance for those grieving
Includes self-care tips and links to specialist services
Website: mind.org.uk

So sorry, Dawn62. The grief and anguish in your post is palpable. I do hope that sharing it on here will help you somewhat until you can remember your lovely Dad without such sadness. A big virtual hug to you

So sorry for your loss and your worries about your mother.

A sudden or unexpected death is always such a shock, which it can be very hard to get over.

Our parents were part of our lives ALWAYS - this may seem self-evident, but is part of why losing them can be so hard.

Sorry if this seems trite. I suppose I am really trying to say that we all mourn differently, and it does take time. Perhaps it will help a bit, if you can think of the good times with your Dad rather than the shock of losing him.

Cruise which is a bereavement charity might be helpful to help you come to terms with your sad loss of your dad. Condolences for your loss. Hugs and best wishes ❤️

So sorry for your loss Dawn. He will live on in your heart and in your wonderful memories of him .

Condolences Dawn the unexpected death of your dad must have been very shocking. The love you have for him lives on.

I really feel for you Dawn62 ... it sounds like your Dad was a special man and you must miss him so much
We lost Dad 14 months ago and like you we miss him every day