Travel plans

Did you want to go and are you sorry you didn’t go? I think you should have sat down and planned it together. But if you didn’t want to go then you achieved your aim.

Oh gosh, I love trip planning, and DH is happy to follow along. But that is the way we operate as a couple. If you found it a chore to plan, and he was indifferent, then you should have communicated that you were about to give up unless he offered input.

Another option would be to go to a travel agent and let let arrange, given some criteria.

I’m hearing more in this.
A few days in York is hardly a major expedition, why didn’t you just book somewhere - anywhere- reasonably central and worry about what you both wanted to see nearer the time?
The demarcation of labour sounds weird to me, why didn’t you not sit down together and talk about it?
He may find organising things difficult, you presumably do not.
Strange behaviour for a couple who do not quite sound to be on the same page.

Planning a trip to York 18 months ahead is a bit odd.
Presumably you knew it wouldn't happen, if you didn't want to go you should have said so. If you did want to go you could have made it happen.

A city trip in the uk wouldn't take me 18 months to plan....maybe I would book 2 months before ....I do all the planning...my DP would be clueless.... its just mot his thing

Sound like he changed his mind……maybe forgot to tell you.

He said he wanted to go about 18 months ago, it wasn't going to take 18 months to plan.
Yes I wanted to go but it was mainly his choice so I wanted to have an idea of what he wanted to do while there.
I would have done the booking, etc, if he'd taken a bit of time to look at some hotels, I'm happy with travelodge types but he implied he wanted something more traditional.
I asked him several times to sit with me but he didn't make the time.
Since retirement he spends a lot of time away in our caravan helping on the site, I'm left home with granddaughter duties, so it would have been good to go away together. Never mind, I'll have to see if he still wants to go and try again for next spring instead.0

I think you should pick three very different hotels (or whatever) and say "which do you fancy" - definitely get it booked in for the spring.

Yes, it seems unreasonable to not go when you would have enjoyed it.
My (lovely, engaged, lively, chatty) husband can't get very enthusiastic about the details of travelling anywhere but given a few options does know what he likes!
Good luck.

And have fun in the spring!

PS. I am planning a trip right now for about 18 months time, ideally... though if I wasn't looking for so many people it wouldn't take so long.

Like CanadianGran I love all the planning

Eighteen months seems a long time to plan a few days in York. I could do it in couple of days. I would have chosen accommodation and got information on places of interest, if he wasn't snore where he wanted to visit, wait until you are there, he could look on his way up whilst being driven.
A lot can change and happen in eighteen months.

Gosh, he sounds like hard work. If he wasn’t interested enough to put some time in helping to plan the trip he suggested I would have given up too. Next time let him do the planning.

I think you have to decide what is most important to you. Time away together or .involvement in planning.

If the joint involvement is the thing you really wish would happen and are missing in your relationship, then I’mnot sure there’s a solution.

If however, what you would really like is a few days away together, then I would just make sure he was free, book a hotel you like the look of and tell him to put it in his diary.

And then just go. Plenty to do in York once you get there. No need to pre-plan. And actually I’d go now, not in 18 months.

To be honest, you both sound like people who keep putting things off🙂

Thanks Gransnetters for your responses. As I arrange 99% of things, including birthday cards and gifts family and friends, Christmas presents, food, cards, packing and sending, booking and payment of all holidays for 40 years, I'll accept that I was unreasonable in expecting hubby to give me 2 hours to decide on a hotel type he fancied and some ideas of what he particularly wanted to do in the area of his destination choice so I could book and plan some sort of itinerary that would include all his choices and make the best use of our time in the area

Not at all but unreasonable but sometimes we have to live with what we’ve got😬

I would never have gone anywhere or done anything with my husband unless I organised it so I do remember how fed up I used to get with him!

At least he was usually quite amenable when I told him what he was going to do though. So I did.

Ironically at work he as known as a real go-getter that made things happen 🙄

It sounds as if he wasn't planning for you and him to go to York together.

We're the opposite - I have no interest in planning, DH plans everything. Sometimes I am grateful that he does, other times I would prefer to just go and see what happens.

As suggested above, I would pick a couple of hotels, tell DH the prices and let him choose. Then just plan around that. I would just prefer to wait till the day to decide what to do - on a nice day I would prefer to amble The Shambles, if it rains pick something indoors. Just have a list of possibilities.

butterandjam

It sounds as if he wasn't planning for you and him to go to York together.

He wouldn't be going on his own, that's for sure and I'm pretty certain he doesn't have a bit on the side, unless he pops in on his 10 minute walk to shop.

I do all planning for holidays and breaks, my other half just finds it hard to decide on all the places to go and stay. Once we're off he does any driving involved because I really don't like driving. I usually have list of things to do but it's not rigid and will depend on weather and mood. On the other hand he is very good at financial planning and investments and decisive about it, I am a bit more wary of making the wrong decisions. All in all there are lots of divisions of labour made around who is best or enjoys a task more.

Lathyrus3

Not at all but unreasonable but sometimes we have to live with what we’ve got😬

I would never have gone anywhere or done anything with my husband unless I organised it so I do remember how fed up I used to get with him!

At least he was usually quite amenable when I told him what he was going to do though. So I did.

Ironically at work he as known as a real go-getter that made things happen 🙄

This is my OH. His preference would be never to leave the house. However he knows I love holidays so comes along. He doesn't have any involvement in planning or booking, doesn't mind what it costs and is good company and enjoys it wherever we go. I've arranged 7 trips this year from one night in York (planned two days before) to a recent ten day trip to Mallorca. If I left it to him I would have missed out.

For Welsh Poppy - and any other readers having a similar quandary.

York is GREAT for a short break, lots to do, and very scenic. Re 'advance planning', well, beware half-terms, and obvious busy times like Bank Hols, (and there's a big 3 day racing festival), otherwise you should be OK booking at quite short notice.

Hotels and B&Bs of all ranges there, so lots of choice. Also, if you wanted to swerve driving, I daresay lots of coach firms run trips there, it's such a popular destination.

Oh, and there's a big shopping mall place on the edge of town, if that floats your boat?!