Daughter &Husband won’t let anyone see newborn

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Fleurpepper

It would be great if GN had a button to see all responses from OP without going throught every post, 15 pages of!

Has OP responded in any way?

Of course if is the parents choice- but as a mother, if my daughter refused for us to see a new baby and/or give any news- I'd be concerned as to why. In particular about her partner/OH being controlling and somehow attempting to isolate her from family at such a time when support could be invaluable.

ThanksFleurpepper
You've posted what I was thinking but didn't dare to.

As a mother, I'd be worried too, especially as mother and daughter seemed so close just prior to the birth.

Of course, it could be that they are just following the latest advice which does change as we all know. I hope so.

There was a post from Cookieof4 on Thursday 8th August 20.35 saying the situation had not changed.

This is primarily about a mother/daughter relationship.
The baby was born on August 3rd and as far as I am aware the family have heard nothing further from the new parents. Names and photographs are not important but the welfare of the child and new mother is, and if it were my daughter I would be sick with worry, as they seemed to have a good relationship prior to the birth. I too wondered if the father was controlling in some way; speculation yes, but this is a very strange situation.
If of course, it is true; always that fear on social media.

It would not be just one phone call, there could be other grandparents, siblings, and friends, sending texts would start text conversations and phone calls can be difficult to end.

One call probably would not be enough if the OP had a call it opens the door for the when can we visit conversation that means others would feel they could visit too.

MissInterpreted

Dickens

MissInterpreted

Some people are like a dog with a bone on this thread. Jeez, let it go...

'Some people' like to debate the matter and respond to other posts on it. It may well become repetitive, but isn't that the nature of social media?

It is indeed, but some people need to learn where to draw the line. There's a fine line between repetition and it turning into a lecture.

Why not address those people individually then?

Fleurpepper I agree with you. Coercive control is real and extremely damaging. I would also be concerned if I was not allowed to see my daughter in these circumstances.

Of course it may not be coercive control, but as mother had been with her daughter only the week before, if she was unable to see her daughter within a few days, alarm bells would be ringing.

Dickens

MissInterpreted

Some people are like a dog with a bone on this thread. Jeez, let it go...

'Some people' like to debate the matter and respond to other posts on it. It may well become repetitive, but isn't that the nature of social media?

It is indeed, but some people need to learn where to draw the line. There's a fine line between repetition and it turning into a lecture.

It would be great if GN had a button to see all responses from OP without going throught every post, 15 pages of!

Has OP responded in any way?

Of course if is the parents choice- but as a mother, if my daughter refused for us to see a new baby and/or give any news- I'd be concerned as to why. In particular about her partner/OH being controlling and somehow attempting to isolate her from family at such a time when support could be invaluable.

MissInterpreted

Some people are like a dog with a bone on this thread. Jeez, let it go...

'Some people' like to debate the matter and respond to other posts on it. It may well become repetitive, but isn't that the nature of social media?

I truly hope that Cookieof4 has managed to see her daughter and meet her new granddaughter by now and is feeling much better. To not be able to see her daughter after such a momentous time as having her first baby will surely be very distressing for her. A mother wants to see that her own baby , her daughter, is okay, because there’s nothing worse for a mother than not really knowing.

NotSpaghetti

Missinterpreted
Not sure what you mean here at all.

I think we all hope the new grandmother has had more news by now and is feeling a lot happier. Many of us are not criticising the new family either.

Your dog and bone message seems ambiguous to me...

Quite!!

MissInterpreted

Some people are like a dog with a bone on this thread. Jeez, let it go...

Some people don't like it when some posters don't read their posts or the full thread and twist what others say.
It's unfair and a form of goading.

The difference with grandparents not seeing their new-born grandchildren in the past was due to circumstance, not wilful withdrawal without explanation. And people actually wrote letters if they didn't have access to telephones.

As an aside, I am amused to note that it's increasingly common for families to "welcome " a new baby rather than the woman give birth to the child.
Maybe the stork brings it?

I'm not talking about the OP - I think that's been adequately covered. I'm talking about certain posters who just have to keep on having the last say, repeating themselves almost ad nauseum. We get the point, honestly...

I’m no mind reader but wonder if MissI is suggesting it’s all been said with knobs bells and whistles on.
I hope you’ll forgive me for joining late MissI but - surely it’s all about relationships, maybe with a little influence of current advice on baby care.
Fathers are much more involved. Attachment parenting advised, including baby led breast feeding. Routines seen as much less important than in the past.
The pandemic made us all more aware of risks to the vulnerable including babies of endless hugs from visitors
But ultimately, if grandparents share loving, trusting relationships with their adult children, they’d not be excluding, criticising and not communicating with each other

Missinterpreted
Not sure what you mean here at all.

I think we all hope the new grandmother has had more news by now and is feeling a lot happier. Many of us are not criticising the new family either.

Your dog and bone message seems ambiguous to me...

Some people are like a dog with a bone on this thread. Jeez, let it go...

Callistemon213

As I said previously

Don't be hurt, Cookie04, they've been persuaded that this is the right thing to do. I hope you can go to see them all soon.

Fads change and pass as will this one.

Considering this “fad”
Is wonderful for recovering mothers and babies let’s hope not. My youngest
Was born nearly 30years ago and aside from the family member who was minding our other children we told absolutely no one she’d even arrived for a week - it was a wonderful secret to keep and by far my most relaxing od recoveries.

maddyone

There is absolutely nothing (apart from being critically ill following the birth, which occasionally does happen) that would be so difficult that the new mum, or indeed the new dad, could let the grandparents know that baby has been born safely, and mother and baby both well, but tired, and that the new parents will be in touch again soon.
To ignore their parents entirely is indeed extremely rude, but more, it is rude. After I gave birth I was tired and sore, but certainly not unable to communicate. Most new mothers are in the same situation. They need rest, and time to get to know their new baby, but they don’t need to cut themselves off from family members. I have never known this to happen with all the family and friends I know. It was usual in my day for new fathers to telephone the grandparents and tell them baby was born, the sex, the name if it was chosen, and the all important weight was always religiously reported. Grandparents were then left to inform other interested parties ie family members and friends. It was normal. It was what was done, and unsurprisingly, it’s what the vast majority of new parents still do, although it might be a text message these days.
When my daughter had her twins, we were informed as soon as they were born and settled. We didn’t expect to see them then, but the invite quickly followed, and we were asked to go to the hospital within hours, and invited to hold the tiny four pound girl (I was frightened to hold her, she was so tiny) and taken to NICU almost immediately to see our new little grandson who was having some breathing difficulties (born early.) We were expected to visit every day, and expected to hold the babies as soon as we visited. We never pushed, we were expected. Most new parents want to show off their new babies, I did, and my daughter did, and my did when he adopted his little boy at two years old. He was instructed no visitors for three weeks. After one week he phoned us and invited us up. When I queried this, he said, no, he’s joining a family and I want you to meet him. We went up the next day. It’s completely normal.

And what’s quote normal for some is dreadful for others. The new parents have texted that baby is here and both are doing well. Then they have not responded to further calls and texts asking for more. They’re allowed to share or. Not share anything they like. They’re allowed to not want to give
Grandma details for her to share about. Perhaps they want to share themselves when the time comes. And they’re allowed to view family differently and say yes this baby has made THEM a family. And the grandparents and everyone is extended family so they can, as I tell my grands at times “get what they get and not throw a fit “

My son did

There is absolutely nothing (apart from being critically ill following the birth, which occasionally does happen) that would be so difficult that the new mum, or indeed the new dad, could let the grandparents know that baby has been born safely, and mother and baby both well, but tired, and that the new parents will be in touch again soon.
To ignore their parents entirely is indeed extremely rude, but more, it is rude. After I gave birth I was tired and sore, but certainly not unable to communicate. Most new mothers are in the same situation. They need rest, and time to get to know their new baby, but they don’t need to cut themselves off from family members. I have never known this to happen with all the family and friends I know. It was usual in my day for new fathers to telephone the grandparents and tell them baby was born, the sex, the name if it was chosen, and the all important weight was always religiously reported. Grandparents were then left to inform other interested parties ie family members and friends. It was normal. It was what was done, and unsurprisingly, it’s what the vast majority of new parents still do, although it might be a text message these days.
When my daughter had her twins, we were informed as soon as they were born and settled. We didn’t expect to see them then, but the invite quickly followed, and we were asked to go to the hospital within hours, and invited to hold the tiny four pound girl (I was frightened to hold her, she was so tiny) and taken to NICU almost immediately to see our new little grandson who was having some breathing difficulties (born early.) We were expected to visit every day, and expected to hold the babies as soon as we visited. We never pushed, we were expected. Most new parents want to show off their new babies, I did, and my daughter did, and my did when he adopted his little boy at two years old. He was instructed no visitors for three weeks. After one week he phoned us and invited us up. When I queried this, he said, no, he’s joining a family and I want you to meet him. We went up the next day. It’s completely normal.

I have a feeling of déjà vu, strange.

As I said previously

Don't be hurt, Cookie04, they've been persuaded that this is the right thing to do. I hope you can go to see them all soon.

Fads change and pass as will this one.