Daughter &Husband won’t let anyone see newborn

Incidentally I also felt the same when my first husband died suddenly. I don’t think we should be describing other people’s personal feelings about intimate events as bonkers.

I don’t think this is necessarily a 21st century trend. When I had my first baby in 1978 I felt the same and asked my mum not to come for the first week after I got home (dad was dead by then). She lived over 200 miles away and would have to stay in our house. She was very hurt, but I really needed that space to figure out my own way of doing things. I loved my mum but she could (and would) always tell me how I could have done things better. Of course the second time was different and then I really needed the help and had my own confidence.

A not too dissimilar situation when my uncle died. His wife didn't want anyone to know for a few days as she wanted time "alone with him" to grieve! His daughter (my cousin) contacted me a few days later to say - "I felt you should be told but can you please keep the news to yourself for a while. It's the way my stepmother wants it" ! Bonkers!!

How upsetting this for you, when both my DGDs were born we visited them in hospital. I don’t understand new parents these days, not wanting their family the chance to also bond with the baby, it’s a true saying it takes a village to raise a child. We had both babies overnight from early on to let mum and dad get a proper sleep

Having a baby and bringing up a baby is a whole new world, everything is done so differently. Eating, sleeping, socialising, it is totally different to how we did it. I personally think most of what they do now is lovely, but don't understand how they can spend so much time just doting on the baby. My young family spend all the day carrying baby around in a sling doing everything like that if one can't the other one does. all called bonding. So different. Mine slept in their prams outdoors while I did my jobs, there was not much time for spending hours cuddling and watching baby adoringly. However I did not have any support from parents, that is the last thing I would have wanted. The two of us managed absolutely fine, with both one and two children. Husband had no leave in those days either. Think back to when they had 9 children or more, they could not have done it the modern way back then either. I have to confess I am a bit envious as I think their relationship with their babies is so much more calm and satisfying for them.

I meant ''let them breathe'' not ''them them breathe!''! Silly me!

Congratulations on your grandchild, and at least you know she is healthy!

I too would be dreadfully hurt by this behaviour, but as others have mentioned this is the fashion amongst new parents these days.

Seen from where I am standing, they regard their child as THEIR CHILD not as a member of a family, and as their generation focus on ME time, bonding with baby etc. this is what they are doing.

They genuinely believe they are doing what is best for the baby and for themselves in establishing a relationship with the child before admitting grandparents, aunts and uncles into the new home. And it is not something they have cooked up - they are doubtlessly following the advice of the midwife and guide books for new parents, as this is the advice given these days.
So, try to find comfort in the thought that you are not alone in being treated like this, and please, do try not to be so hurt and whatever you do, DO NOT text, e-mail or phone asking when you may see the baby!

Leaving them to get out of their new parent cocoon in their own time is the safest thing, probably, with regards to your future relationship with them.

I think I would send a card, saying so glad to hear baby is healthy, how are you? and leave it at that for now.

It's only a few hours since she gave birth, them them breathe! They'll share things in time.

She'll be utterly exhausted and would just want some initial time with the baby.

Wait until the sleepless nights and they can't cope call comes 🤣

She will be on touch soon, try not to get too hurt, they are wrapped up in their own little bubble.
My DD had a baby in March, we were the first to know, she and her DH face time me within 30 mins after she had her, proudly showing us our new GD.

I find it strange, about this new fad.. this generation are permanently on Facebook or most SM, but not for something so important as this?

I think these days new parents rely a lot on books and Googe and so-called specialists eg sleep consultants. So entirely possible they have decided in advance they are going to do things a certain way. I certainly found it took a while before my daughter asked for advice, and even longer before she began to take it. Personally I would be upset too, but that doesn't mean that the wisest thing is to show it. I also remember having to bite my lip a few times when my daughter lashed out at me. By the second time around, things were much easier.

No photos, not revealing the name - this is an extraordinary way to behave, not only selfish and hurtful but plain rude. Also prob not good for the parents themselves to have no contact with other people, no one to share minor worries with.

This post points out, quite succinctly, everyone is different.

Over 60 years ago, when I had our first daughter, my husband brought us home and went back to work, he'd 2 jobs to afford us, we needed money to eat and survive. Mum still had a child at home.

Two years later, I delivered our second daughter. We picked our first up from mum, drove home with both, and he went back to work.

My parents and his bonded well with all 4 of our daughters. People have to do what suits their situation. All will work out.

I find it strange but I have found that if you give them the space they want, you will end up with a better relationship in the long run. This is a period in their lives when emotions are running really high and it seems to me that what is perceived as natural concern by you, may well be perceived as being overbearing by them. As the younger generations have complete strangers giving advice without knowing all the facts, your voice will be a lone voice in a room full of opposing views. That puts you in a precarious position.
The advice from this stranger without knowing all the facts, is stay quiet, avoid advice and accept their rules. Things settle down eventually!

It is their baby and up to them .
And it seems to be the pattern these days -that is until they need babysitting and then you'll be in the doghouse if you can't!
Do something enjoyable and don't fret about it !

A load of nonsense and hurtful behaviour ..

Never have experienced such horrorific protocol and in Spain and France, I have never seen such horrendous behaviour either.

Empathy is not in their hearts ..

Have never heard of this new trend. Unbelievable! We are family-orientated and I would hate not to at least, meet and greet, a new arrival. Wonder if they'll feel the same when they need free babysitters?

Try not to worry, it’s hard I know …they will want you when it suits them I’m sure! 💔
We were kept away until it was in their interest for us to see baby - now they have ano and say when are you taking them, have them stay, take them home with you, etc! Makes me sad as i wasn’t even asked to the baby showers.

Monica I find your post must be quite hurtful to Cookie and others. There's no excuse unless mother and baby are ill. I would be hurt, but I would just send a message saying, hope you're all well and we are looking forward to seeing you and our lovely granddaughter when you are ready. Leave it up to them. Every 3/4 days i would send a simple, loving text, but no more. Thats how they choose to parent so I would expect nothing therefore not be disappointed. I wanted my loved ones to share in my joy and see the baby. Its best to know where you stand but hard.💐

'bond' not bind

Luckily I saw all 4 of my grandchildren within the first few hours of birth...and this despite the actual birth being difficult for the mother a couple of times. All babies well and healthy Thank God. So if there was a problem with either mother or baby I could understand a muted response and a different way of dealing with a worrying situation...and them needing some distance and time.
Usually the parents are bursting with delight and pride, very easy to understand when all is well as it was in my case.
In this day of phones constantly at hand I would expect a photo or photos to swiftly be sent though even if a visit wasn't welcome...and a name would be great to know.
Id just go along with it and know you will be very welcome when the new parents are ready. Some people find it such a huge readjustment they want to knuckle down to bind for a while in private. It will change as they settle down. Difficult for you though I understand. Just 'be there' with every encouragement meanwhile.

It's the latest fad - and worse since covid from the looks of things.

Don't take it personally! - your time will come when they need some input from you!

It is unbelievable that young parents have been brainwashed into thinking that the odd visit from a grandparent might result in them failing to bond with their baby - but there we go - that's how it is.

Thank goodness my DDs had more common sense!

I know it's difficult as I've experienced it, but in the general scheme of things a few days isn't too bad as long as you get to be functioning GP after that.

We didn't. My son and his partner have never really let us be a part of our GC's life. We have never attended a birthday, even when they lived with us from when the baby was a few months old, they just went out and didn't invite us . My son used to get annoyed if he came downstairs and saw me holding the baby, even though my DIL had given me the baby so she could do other things.

My son monitors me on social media and says he has "an obligation" to me but does not want to be a part of our lives. He recently visited me in hospital and brought his child, which was lovely- but we are prevented from normal contact.

I hope this improves for you and that you get the chance to be normal grandparents. I am still waiting and hoping , but GC is now at school....

OP, as people have said, it's quite a common thing now so at least not personal. I wouldn't like it either, but it will change, so maybe look ahead to the happier time when you will get to know your grandchild.

I can see one point. When I had my eldest I did struggle to establish breastfeeding, and less focus on visitors and the state of the house in the first three days might have helped. (It was a home birth.) We managed it in the end.

I wonder if a better way than your daughter's might be to say in advance that they won't want any visitors for X days or weeks, and send a photo when the baby arrives.

henetha

It seems so hurtful and in some ways silly. Is this some fashionable new trend? I was invited to see my first grandchild when she was two hours old. I hope they soon relent and invite you to see your granddaughter.

It does seem to be a mad fab! Our niece shut herself, baby and partner away for 6 weeks, “bonding and cocooning”

We thought it was utter nonsense but each to their own I guess!