Daughter &Husband won’t let anyone see newborn

Are we in the wrong for feeling hurt? How do we even deal with this? Our whole family just feels terrible.

No you're not in the wrong, but neither are your daughter and her husband.
This is their baby and they're entitled to handle this time as they decide.
They have let you know she's born, she's doing well and is healthy.
They may not have decided on a name yet, it was several days before a final decision was made on the names for our grandchildren!

I think new dads these days are more involved and confident, so as a couple they don't feel a need for as much support as maybe we did.

Be patient, send a card and some flowers if you wish (preferably the pre-arranged type that don't need a vase) and let them know you're looking forward to seeing all of them when they feel ready 😊

eazybee

6People are allowed to not feel obligated to communicate every single day. Most people complaining barely had daily communications before the baby, yet after a baby is born we expect the tired new parents to suddenly communicate every single day and schedule weekly visits. It's all incredibly selfish. Has nothing to do with supporting the parents and everything to do with gratifying one's own desires regardless of the other party's wishes.6

I did not say that the parents should communicate every day or arrange weekly visits.
I find it very strange that a daughter does not want to speak briefly with her mother just once after the birth of her child, just to reassure her she is all right; all mothers, having been through childbirth, worry about their daughters.

I would think that if it was a concern for the daughter the post wouldn't have focused on how hurt the OP was about not seeing the baby. I do agree that I would like to know how my own daughter was doing even before the baby, though I still wouldn't feel hurt exactly. I love being a gran my primary concern would be my own daughter. Always.

I know I was always the first to see my close friend’s babies, because I was there for them

Not at all the same as seeing GC though.

We saw Gdd1 within hours of her birth, but had to go away the next day for a long planned 70th birthday do 200 miles away.

Called in to see dd & co. on the way back 2 days later (they live 60 miles from us) - and were not only made welcome, but our lovely son in law insisted that we stay for a roast chicken dinner he’d cooked.
Very lucky, I know.

Agree wholeheartedly. Apparently it's okay to not respect anything different from your own experience and desires. Few even acknowledged that the mum herself is recovering. She isn't a merely an incubator who grew a shiny new person for the wider family to play with. She's a human being who went through something strenuous. She is also exhausted. The new dad is exhausted. No mention of support that they actually need, only what they should want according to other people's past experiences. It's bizarre.

It's entirely up to them how they decide to spend these first few weeks. They may be concerned about the baby's health as they are at more risk from bacteria and viruses when very young. It can be very serious, for example, if an adult with a cold sore kisses a baby and passes on herpes - this happened to a friend's baby and it was touch and go for a while. Perhaps they know someone whose baby became ill through something like this.
Even if that's not the case, the amount of contact with others is their decision .
It's understandable that you might feel hurt by this approach - especially if it wasn't what you expected.
I'm sure you love them all and will not want to say anything to jeopardise your future relationship with them.
Send a card and gift and wish them all the best.
You could say you're looking forward to seeing them all whenever they're ready and you'd love to have them round for dinner, babysit, pop over and help with household chores.. or whatever you feel is appropriate to offer.
I'm sure in a few months, this will all be forgotten and you'll be a big part of your granddaughter's life. All the best.

6People are allowed to not feel obligated to communicate every single day. Most people complaining barely had daily communications before the baby, yet after a baby is born we expect the tired new parents to suddenly communicate every single day and schedule weekly visits. It's all incredibly selfish. Has nothing to do with supporting the parents and everything to do with gratifying one's own desires regardless of the other party's wishes.6

I did not say that the parents should communicate every day or arrange weekly visits.
I find it very strange that a daughter does not want to speak briefly with her mother just once after the birth of her child, just to reassure her she is all right; all mothers, having been through childbirth, worry about their daughters.

It's just respect isn't it? Our children are grown adults, if I cant respect them and their needs in moments like this, they wouldn't respect me... They probably wouldn't even like me

I think being a respectful person who values the needs of the parents is more likely to get you a quicker visit anyway

I know I was always the first to see my close friend's babies, because I was there for them

That was more for the comments section, not toward the OP.

I am also amazed VS lol. I am a gran myself. The entitled attitudes validate keeping a few days as a new little family sacred imo. People with such a sense of entitlement can't logically be trusted to be considerate to the new parents.

VioletSky

I am amazed at the entitlement to other people's special moments

I don't see any sense of 'entitlement', just the natural reaction of a new grandparent who is obviously excited at the birth of their grandchild and would like to at least see a photo of the baby, if not to meet it as soon as they can.

I understand the scant contact is very hurtful for you Cookieof4. But I also think too much is expected of new parents, new mums in particular who might be struggling with feeding or the ‘baby blues’.
I think if the parents let it be known before baby’s arrival that they want ‘go to ground’ for a period of time, their choice should be supported. I think that’s sensible. I think not sharing any details is over the top.

I think young parents should be given as much space as they need.

I am amazed at the entitlement to other people's special moments

Ah, yes.
I've just read the op properly.
Apologies.

Partially.
That's the best I can do, I'm afraid.

MissAdventure

I don't believe sending one text to confirm the birth is going to interfere with the bonding process.
Nor will it pass on covid.

I also think some people should get a grip.

Except that short text DID happen, as it was so clearly written in the OP.

MissAdventure

Oh, so everyone doesn't want to just take the baby off their mum then?
I'm glad we're coming to some sort of agreement.

We can agree that people need to calm down stop the hysterics around having to wait a few days to meet someone else's baby. That the drama of all this complaining is silly and overreactive, sure we agree.

It does seem hurtful,but maybe the mum and dad don’t want anyone to see them or the house in a mess as it often is when the first is born if my memory serves me well!They want to appear in control of things which happens a while after.
Also you may not have a photo because they are worried some pervert will get hold of the photo and manipulate it for their own ends.Dont ask how it’s done I don’t know but many parents don’t want any photos of their children out there on social media.Its a world I don’t understand.
All that being said I can understand your hurt.

I don't believe sending one text to confirm the birth is going to interfere with the bonding process.
Nor will it pass on covid.

I also think some people should get a grip.

MissAdventure

Nobody has said they expect that, though.

Except we're discussing a baby who has been home 2 days. 2 days and everyone here is acting like the couple committed a crime. Lot's of folks need to get a grip.

Oh, so everyone doesn't want to just take the baby off their mum then?
I'm glad we're coming to some sort of agreement.

MissAdventure

No idea.
I'm not part of a homogenous mass of people.

My point exactly. Everyone here complaining about new parents simply because they made different choices completely misses that exact point you just made. People making different choices from us is NOT wrong. We aren't a homogenous mass.

Nobody has said they expect that, though.

eazybee

'Giving mum a bit of rest' does not mean cutting contact completely. If it were my daughter I would worry that something was seriously wrong if she or the father wouldn't even talk to me, four days after the birth.

People are allowed to not feel obligated to communicate every single day. Most people complaining barely had daily communications before the baby, yet after a baby is born we expect the tired new parents to suddenly communicate every single day and schedule weekly visits. It's all incredibly selfish. Has nothing to do with supporting the parents and everything to do with gratifying one's own desires regardless of the other party's wishes.

No idea.
I'm not part of a homogenous mass of people.