I feel your ex-SiL is being very rigid and seems to be being deliberately difficult and unfair to the children. He could have objected much earlier so that your daughter had time to change the arrangements.
Unfortunately, some exes are like that. I have no answer to the current problem but I would suggest that, if the court order is as he says, your D sticks absolutely to the rules in future and watches closely what her ex does. If he transgresses even slightly she should object - the court order applies to both of them, after all.
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