Husband doesn’t stop talking…

It's early days Lottidot for both of you. Retirement is a seismic shift in lifestyle after decades of working. You're getting to know each other again.

Give it time (and drop enough hints) and I'm sure you will settle into a rhythm. Enjoy your well earned retirement.

On the issue of widowhood. It's been 8 years for me and my heart goes out to others on here.

I’m a person who likes my own space and I do not like constant chatter. I think we as a couple get the balance right most of the time but if we have a disagreement my dh sulks. He won’t speak at all it’s childish and to be honest I miss him talking to me.

It’s a tricky one, but I would let him drone on OP and carry on zoning out, otherwise he would feel very hurt at the suggestion of belting up!

SusiK

zakouma66

I honestly don't think its helpful to guilt trip people with some sort of grief olympics.

Retirement can bring challenges as can loss.

You expressed that well. My husband died 5 years ago and I miss him all the time, but I can still sympathise with people whose partners have irritating habits.

I agree with you.Anyone who dare have a bit of a moan about a DH or DP is often faced with a guilt trip.No life partners, either living or dead are or were saints.

Duct tape?

zakouma66

I honestly don't think its helpful to guilt trip people with some sort of grief olympics.

Retirement can bring challenges as can loss.

I agree. I love my husband dearly, but some of us have a real time for quietness at times. It doesn't mean we don't care for our partners or don't want to have conversations with them.

I am widowed, but can understand that OH's can have irritating habits, just as we can. I am happy for those who are dealing with these habits to vent on here and to seek ideas for dealing with it, whilst also regretting the loss of my OH.

Now I live alone I am aware that I talk too much in company because I miss the to and fro of daily conversations about trivia and important issues. I have to work quite hard at not become someone who dominates the conversation.

Constant chatter is one of the symptoms of ADHD. You should see this problem in the context of this problem and consider whether this is why he talks constantly.

May be he's lonely? For some people a dog is a great companion, a good way to get to chat with other people, and he would need to go out for walks. Just a thought.

zakouma66 good post, thanks.

My Dh is the strong silent type. I’d love him to chat more, especially in company. Being deaf (and not wearing his hearing aids) has exacerbated this.

Oh how I wish I could hear by late husband's voice again. I cannot understand how people who are still lucky enough to have their husband's by their side complain about them. One of these days, when their home is silent, they will understand the devastation of losing the one person that hopefully they loved more than life itself has died.

zakouma66

I honestly don't think its helpful to guilt trip people with some sort of grief olympics.

Retirement can bring challenges as can loss.

It happens every time! Usually the same old culprits…..please give it a rest. 🙄

zakouma66

I honestly don't think its helpful to guilt trip people with some sort of grief olympics.

Retirement can bring challenges as can loss.

Thank you for saying this, and so tactfully.

Everyone wants different things from their marriage. In my first marriage, my husband became increasingly withdrawn and uncommunicative. I tried everything to improve matters but to no avail.

One of the characteristics I love about DH is that he is a great talker. In fact, we both are but it seems to work. Even when we're apart we Zoom on a daily basis and exchange texts frequently.

The problem is, people like this don't actually want a conversation, they just want an audience.

This is my mother-in-law.
She was in a care home for a short stay.
We went to visit, and took my Dad as they're good friends. She talked non-stop for two hours before she even said hello to him!

My brother does that can talk and breathe at the same time, but not as bad a cousin Alice she literally never stops, it must be very wearing living with someone like that.

zakouma66

I honestly don't think its helpful to guilt trip people with some sort of grief olympics.

Retirement can bring challenges as can loss.

You expressed that well. My husband died 5 years ago and I miss him all the time, but I can still sympathise with people whose partners have irritating habits.

I honestly don't think its helpful to guilt trip people with some sort of grief olympics.

Retirement can bring challenges as can loss.

My husband doesn't chatter constantly. However, I can guarantee that as soon as I start to read he will suddenly feel the need to continually chat. Why? He even apologises for interrupting my reading, and then continually interrupts on & off until I give up. Then, of course, his sudden need to chat disappears. And I don't actually think he's doing it deliberately, strangely enough.

I'm not sure that it's about wanting an audience rather getting their thoughts in order. I have a daughter who does it. Luckily she doesn't live here.

My husband was the same. I took to going upstairs and sitting in the bedroom. When he asked why I told him I couldn't put up with the constant empty chatter. He didn't stop but he did make an effort not to talk quite so much.
The problem is, people like this don't actually want a conversation, they just want an audience.

Bellasnana been 20 years for me without my husband. We have no videos or anything with his voice. The moment he died I lost hearing him. Woman who moan about husband's and partners talking to much don't know how lucky they are . And one day they will regret ever moaning about their loved one talking to much. As not hearing my husband go on about handles rails, raisers ,or clerk of works or cows as he called them didn't interest me but then again things I talked about didn't interest him . But we listen to eachother because that's what you do when you love someone.

Those who are lucky enough to still have the love of your lives just be grateful . As some liked me their lives died. And some people still have the love of their lives but through illness their loved one can't speak or communicate in anyway.

I know the OP started this as a light hearted thread but you don't know what a precious gift you have to still hear your loved one talking.

Be careful what you wish for. I’d give anything to hear my DH’s voice again. Even if he talked non-stop it would be preferable to the silence I have had to endure for almost nine years.😞

Is this the first time you have spent so much time together? Are there any other people in his life for him to chat to?

Maybe his "friendship" circle has suddenly shrunk to only you?
Can he get out and about a bit more?