Daughter says I should always be the one to visit

I do keep in regular contact with her but it saddens me that she just assumes I will do all the visiting thats when the arguments start . And she has treated her siblings badly in the past and she always says I take their sides which I don't I do not get involved with their arguments and I've told her I love them all the same.

Sorry, I don’t mean to criticise you Josie15, I just felt it was wrong for us to assume that your daughter was being difficult without understanding more about her situation.
Unfortunately with the benefit of the additional details, I think she is making a deliberate choice not to see you more frequently by visiting you. It sounds as though she doesn’t have the best of relationships with her sibling either. I’d keep in regular contact with her, but I wouldn’t put any pressure on her to visit you. Do you speak directly with your grandchildren too to maintain your relationships, as they are old enough to visit you themselves once they can drive?

I don't have a problem with my granchildren not visiting as such it's my daughter that's saying I should be the 1 that goes through there to see them everytime. I know they have lives to get on with that's not my issue. It's the fact my daughter always blames me and can take girls to her partners family if I might say are not related to kids at all.

We don’t do expensive presents for teens, more often cash £20 and a card they can buy what they want then. I wouldn’t expect them to visit, they have their lives, it is nice to see them at family events. This Christmas 2 did not appear for various reasons, the other 12 did, we have a big birthday in May, most will be there for the free food and drink and to meet the others.

Sorry - no thank you ( in person, email, or note) no more presents. So rude and ungrateful.

She doesn't have to drive them anywhere as kids don't do after school stuff at all she keeps changing her job. No she doesn't have a cleaner.but neither do I so I have to do my housework at weekends when I'm not working as my husband not very good at doing that.her partner drives. And he takes her everywhere else And I work full time and have shift work. And I can assure you I don't feel entitled for my kids to visit.i just think it works both ways especially when she can make time for others when I'm always the one that offers but always cancelled on

It is sad situation when people do not want to spend time with you, however you cannot make them want to put the effort in to visit.

Only send gifts if you really want them to have them without even expecting a thank you. Do not think that the gifts will make them want to see you.

There are often those on here that get angry about relatives not visiting, I think I would be sad not angry, you can’t make somebody love you.

On the basis of what you’ve said, I think people are jumping to conclusions Josie2015. A few questions:
Does your daughter work full time, is her husband supportive, does she have a cleaner, how old are her teenage children, are they physically and emotionally stable, do any of them drive, is she ferrying them round to activities in the evenings or at weekends?
I think it’s easy for parents to feel entitled to be visited without taking into account the reality of the lives of their children. For all we know, your daughter may be at the end of her fuse due to all her responsibilities?

why do you bother.
draw back. go low contact.
live your own life, and enjoy it.
life is brief.
good luck.

Knittednatter I've tried but anytime I've said anything she just shouts and hangs up then I get a barracade of abusive txts saying I don't care

I have asked them over for weekends but get told they are busy. I've even invited my daughter out for her birthday but I always get the reply I'm doing something else. Then I find out by a third party she has went out for a meal and drinks with her partners family.and I don't even get wished happy birthday on mine.but if I don't do it 1st thing on her or kids b.day I get a nasty txt

My dd lives half hour away and the last time she was here was in the summer. For a couple of hours.

No, you are not being unreasonable. Have you even considered actually inviting them over for the weekend perhaps or just to spend the day with you?

Loving your grandchildren is not about the value of the gifts you give them and if all they see is that then they've obviously not been brought up with manners or gratitude have they?

Maybe a long, honest talk to your daughter is long overdue. Yes, our AC do have busy lives but surely anyone can spare one day a month can't they?

Easybee that's what I've done this year for Christmas.

My other children drop in. My son lives over 3hrs away and doesn't have children but comes every now and then to see me as he knows I work split shifts and long hours.

How have these entitled children evolved?
Decide how much you want to see her and visit accordingly, but stop being so generous; no thank yous, no presents.

She is treating you badly because you allow her to; stop it.

The only who drops in is my daughter , but doesn’t stay long. She is either dropping something off or picking up something. Her children are teenagers and have their own cars and occasionally pop in . In the case of my sons, they have young children, and expect me to visit them, by appointment, which is fair enough.

No you are not being unreasonable, but your daughter is especially when she says you don't care for your GC.

I agree with pascal especially when it comes to drawing back. Don't make yourself so available and perhaps be a little less generous when it comes to buying gifts, then it might not be quite so hurtful when you're not thanked.

When I say it works both ways you can come see us she turns round and says it's not bout me or you it's about my kids they never see you and think you don't care

She also says I don't care for the children which I honestly love them to bits. And when I do go over to her house she always argues with her partner which I think is wrong

She sounds very entitled and uncaring.. I agree with the suggestion to meet half way where you can extend an open invitation for her to visit you... and then draw back, don't visit her and see what happens..

I have done that in past but she always cancels. Unless she is wanting or collecting something, but the thing is she will go anywhere with her partners parents.

You’re not being unreasonable at all. I have much the same problem with journeys of 4hrs, 2hrs and 90 minutes to see my 3. I struggle a lot with disabilities too. I’ve tried talking to them but nothing changes. I have good relationships with them and am very welcome at theirs. The only thing you can do is to put your case over then leave it at that. Try to accept that seems to be the way many of the younger generation are these days, and know that you are far from alone in this frustrating and difficult situation.

We did lots more fir our parents when we were younger but our children seem to be constantly busy.

Why not suggest meeting midway have lunch and a wander. Plenty of time to catch up . Teenagers can come or not.