Washing dishes

We have a similar routine here. I mostly cook and DH clears up afterwards. He doesn’t do it immediately after eating either. It can be anytime up until 11 at night depending on what’s on TV. I close the kitchen door and just ignore it. It’s always done in the end and we do have a dishwasher. In the scheme of things, I don’t feel it’s a huge deal for me, personally. It could be worse - he might be one of these husbands who do nothing!

Would only be a small amount then,enough to let him think he was doing his share and enough for you to feel tidy,I do understand,I cant stand the mess either.

Sheian you could ask him nicely to wash up earlier, but if it doesn’t suit him then the problem is yours I am afraid.
You have to find a way to stop it irritating you.
There are people on GN who no longer have an OH to do anything with or for them who would not mind your problem at all.
Please don’t let it make you angry. 💐

I think this calls for compromise on both side, you want him to change so surely you have to meet him halfway.

Personally, I would get him involved in meal planning, preparation and cooking, making it a joint venture - what will he do when you're not around? how will he cope then?

By making the cooking a joint venture the washing up can then be done by you both after the meal..........as a joint venture.

It would not bother me and I would be happy with it being someone else doing the dishes. We don't have any particular system for who does what in our kitchen although as I wake up early I like the kitchen sink area to be tidy and shiny, first thing and it usually is. If it irritated me so much I would do the washing up myself and not be resentful I was doing it as it would be my choice. It's his home and kitchen as well as yours so you can't expect to act like his Mum and tell him to do chores.

I can never understand people who 'do not cook'. How would they manage if they are ever left on their own. A basic skill to have surely?

I would just shut the door and ignore the washing up. Probably part of his plan to make you do it in your frustration. Job done!

Perhaps he likes to watch tv after he’s eaten? Doing the washing up when you want it done would cut into his evening wouldn’t it? Be grateful that he does the washing up willingly, without having to be nagged.

I am amazed that there are so many Gransnetters here who think it's reasonable to expect the clearing up to be done to suit the person who is NOT doing it!

Sheian62? This is all about you! You say "it's making me feel angry" - well frankly as an adult you should be able to control your anger about something so inconsequential. This is way over the top.
I hope you never have anything major to get wound up about.

Maybe just take a deep breath, look away. Tell yourself that you are gifting this respectfully to him because he matters to you. We all put up with small irritations because we love. Try to see this as a little quirk of his and love him in spite of it.

I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I'm going to be happy in it.
Groucho Marx

I cook, make a mess and my DH clears it all up as soon as we have finished eating. He loads the dishwasher and empties it the next morning.

We have had almost complete 'role reversal' in our home most of our half century plus of married life. DH has gradually taken over the cooking almost entirely (previously we had taken it in turns), after my heart op in 2016. I now only make soup once a week to last a few days. Our current kitchen is in a tiny 'dog leg' off the living room. He makes a spectacular mess cooking delicious meals late each afternoon. There is no room for me to rinse and stack the dishwasher whilst he is in there. Sometimes I feel up to going through right after the meal; sometimes he will stack everything to make it easier for me; but mostly I leave it till he has gone off to get ready for bed. Either way it is acceptable to either of us how and when a task is done in the house. However I know I would be mortified if an unexpected guest arrived mid evening of the sort who wonder through to the kitchen to return a cup or follow me through.......!

You bizarrely chose not to have a dishwasher fitted so you just have to live with the consequences I guess 🤷🏼‍♀️

Has this only just started OP, or have you been angry for years?

I’d just wash them myself .

One of the things I really missed, tbh it hit me hard when I was widowed. The dishes from any meal did not get washed, they just sat there until I did them and put them all away. I would not care at what time he did them, it is good that he thinks about doing them before bed. Mine always did that job

YABU. You have a husband who happily helps in the home. Frankly you sound like someone just looking for a bone to pick. It's nice that you're so proud of your kitchen. I hope you're as proud of your husband. And it's his kitchen too, by the way.

DH makes a HUGE mess whatever he’s doing in the kitchen and has a step method of putting things away - puts it down on the work top and then (sometime in the future!) puts it away. And yes, it drives me mad. BUT I think we’re both being unreasonable OP so I try, and sometimes fail, to suck it up. Try not to be angry, that’s only hurting you.

My DH had his breakfast earlier. He left his plate, cup and the marmalade on the worktop. Hmmm I thought….did you leave the marmalade out by mistake I asked him. No, he said, I thought you might want it…. Hmmm . Still, I can’t complain, he’s in the dining room now painting and decorating while I’m on here in between other chores. Would I give him a hard time over it? No because I’m well aware of how lucky we are to still be together after over 40 years. It’s give and take. In the scheme of things, this is very small fry.

My Dad used to deliberately break crockery and drop things if he was supposed to help so Mum stopped asking him. Sensible man, I wouldn’t have wanted to be in the kitchen with her, either. Funny, he never dropped anything normally.

kittylester

Buy a dishwasher and fill it as you go along.

I would do this as well. My DH would gladly wash dishes when he wants to.After supper, he likes to disappear with the newspaper or cross word and would come back later.
I fill the dishwasher as the day goes on we recently bought one with a quick hot cycle and I use that. Luckily the previous which did not have a quick cycle broke and could not be mended so I could replace it with one with many more programmes.
later in the evening, he goes to make coffees and inevitably empties the dishwasher, he might leave things out but I pop through and put them all away all done and dusted by about 9 p.m. When we can both relax.

Sheian I hate the look and smell of dirty crockery. I regularly meet friends at a cafe renowned for its lack of organisation in clearing tables - I literally have to turn my back on it. I can't imagine walking into the kitchen where I'd slaved putting a meal together 4 hours previously to find congealed food on plates and pots.
Having said that, when I was a single mum with 2 kids and a demanding job, I'd serve the meal, having put saucepans under water, wipe the sides down, and I'd do the dishes before I went to bed.

Our DW has 2 drawers, I fill one at breakfast, lunch, cooking. Then other with tea, dinner, dessert. Run it before we go to bed.

It is as much his house as yours, he can choose what he does and when he does it.

I prefer to live alone, everything is my choice.

The thing about compromise is nobody is entirely happy.

Be glad you ve got a husband who helps…. get it in perspective some have husbands who hit them, who run off with other women control them keep them financially dependant never gave a shxx of help

Sheian thank your lucky stars every day that you have a decent bloke willing to help

When I did have that appendage known as a husband, his idea of helping with the washing up was:"I'll just leave this to soak", with the result that some revolting, greasy pans were greeted me next morning. So be grateful that you have a human dishwasher. My solution after the appendage slung his hook was to buy a dishwasher. My DS1, who qualified as a chef always washes cooking dishes and utensils as he works. He also has a dishwasher.

I have to admit that I hate piles of dirty dishes and that's the joy of having a dishwasher .

I load it through the day and feel satisfied when it goes on at night .

I also have a single sink and need to wash my hands many times a day so it would be unhygienic to have dishes in the sink .
It's nice that your hubby does the dishes !

If it's driving you mad - buy a dishwasher or just ignore his late night dishwashing .

As a bit of a control freak I'd find it annoying if the dirty washing up was left sitting around for hours, especially when bluebottles descend and start licking (or whatever it is they do!). I'd have to wash up myself. Mind you, although we use our dishwasher, I enjoy a session with very hot water, Fairy Liquid and Marigolds.

Maybe OP could ask her husband if she has any habits that irritate him? It might give her pause for thought. I just asked my DH that question. Apparently he can't stand it when I walk around the house without slippers, leaving bits of fluff from my socks on the carpets he manfully hoovers.