Why does my family have to overcomplicate things?

I must be the only mother on the planet who entertains her DD & SIL on Mother's Day. My DD just hates cooking and I love cooking so they come to me and SIL gets stuck in and says 'This is so yummy!'. Kids!

They all do it. One DD organised to come to us for Easter and asked if our other DD would be as well.
I asked the other and she said yes but they were planning to come this weekend which they have.
Last night she said they had been planning to ask us for Easter.
None of them seem to be able to get together and give everyone the same message and just take on board what is suggested to them.
DD and family have just disappeared up a fell? Not telling where and if I hadn't shouted supper after her,I wouldn't know when they were returning. Yet I do all the catering she just sits on her derriere.
I know exactly how you feel and I expect a lot of other grans do too. They do not plan and tell which we always thought was polite.
I do hope you get it all sorted out.

Thanks kircubbin

No I hardly ever read the date.
I'd dearly like to know what happened.
I must say I used to lose track of my posts on here until I noticed the "I'm On" option across the page top. We could use a tutorial for newbies showing how to navigate the site and also explaining where to find the abbreviations for laugh, cry, agree etc. It took me ages to work out who DH and DD were!

Aldom

It would be nice if the OP were to come back and tell us the outcome.

Just seen this. She managed to fit everyone in.

wildswan16

As she arrived over a month ago I am sure all these problems have been sorted out !

I’m glad you said it, it’s usually me.
Do people honestly not see the date.

It would be nice if the OP were to come back and tell us the outcome.

timetogo2016

There`s always another day.
It is not as if she`s emigrating.

Indeed

Maybe next go.

Goodness wildswan I never noticed!
Wonder what happened

As she arrived over a month ago I am sure all these problems have been sorted out !

Have you warned your daughter about these proposed changes of her plan? She will need time to 'get her act together and decide what she wants to do.
Depending on her personality she may go happily along with the new arrangements, or alternatively (if she's as bolshy as my daughter) she may be furious and stay away, just seeing her friends - so none of you will get a look-in.
Could they all stick to her plan and join her at your house for the original 'quick cup of tea'?

could you go for lunch with them too? or is that an impossible solution

As your daughter is having her arrangements rearranged for her she might have something to say about that. Perhaps she’ll stick with her own original plan .

It is your daughter who is rearranging things, She suggested calling in for a quick cup of tea, and she should arrange meetings with her father and brother around the first invitation. Manners!
Alternatively, father could invite you to the meal.

I don't think she knows yet as plane is still in the air - no wonder people want to see her. We have this issue when my son "drops in" for 5 days from America and "needs" to see friends - but family think he needs to see us.

Yes, families can be difficult. Goes with the territory, and requires constant readjustment/compromise/ dialogue/ patience/feedback etc... Is anyone surprised by that?... It usually all works out in the end, although there are always some lost causes who are just not worth the effort, and who frankly, should just be put down to experience and then forgotten about.

There`s always another day.
It is not as if she`s emigrating.

It is frustrating isn't it? All one can do is put a smile on and say nothing IMO.

Hopefully you are able to spend the afternoon with her.

Oh dear

That is difficult

Of course other family will want to see her

Your daughter may feel she has to fit everyone in in her short visit when she finds out they want to see her. She also may want to fit everyone in.

Focus on the time you do get

She must feel what ever she chooses she will let someone down. Very difficult one for you. It does seem fair that she should stick to original/first made arrangement but who knows what emotional pressures she's wrestling with.

Meant to finish my post by saying, it's a control thing.

My in-laws do just this. They are lovely folk but we tell them we are coming x day and would like to treat them to y. There reply is always come z day and we'll do abc. Consequently we try never to tell them our plans too far in advance. We organised a huge family party about 2 years ago, we were fully prepared for their wanting it to be re-arranged so we decided up front they could do whatever they wanted to do the other 20+ guests were doing what we had arranged and were more than happy to go along with it. It was over three days and they did actually miss bits of the celebrations because they wanted to prove a point and were not on a couple of Group Photos, which have been explained away as "that was the day I was unwell and had to stay in bed". Everyone knows that wasn't so but it is never discussed. I like to keep to arrangements when made.

If it is a flying visit maybe her father and brother would not have seen her at all if not for lunch.

She may cancel lunch if she hasn't agreed to it already. I guess she will do whichever arrangements she prefers.

I don't think she knows yet as plane is still in the air. She did say she didn't want lunch as the meal later will be enough. Things may change.

You all obviously love and value her, which must be lovely for her...it's tricky isn't it? I suppose the final decision must be hers as to how she manages her time.