Christmas present from Son

I think people see the meaning of giving gifts differently - gifts mean something to you which they don't mean to your son. It can be painful when there is a difference like that - but once you see it, you can feel a whole lot better. The important thing is you have a good loving relationship with your son - not worth putting that at risk on the basis that he doesn't understand your hopes and wishes - he really doesn't see it as you do. I hope you will nonetheless have a very Happy Christmas!

Be thankful. If you don't like it then gift it to someone else.

I would be more hurt that he left your present for someone else to pass on to you?

I don't expect presents from any of my four. If I get something from any of them I really appreciate it but as far as I'm concerned there is no need for presents at all.

I have 2 adult sons and one is very sweet and thoughtful with gifts while the other doesn't really do presents or cards.

It's just who they are as people it doesn't mean the love isn't there, just that one has a brain that doesn't plan or organise or remember as well as the other.

I tend to value time and I know if I ask either for anything they would be there

We only get presents for the kids and by mutual agreement not for adults and we’ve done this for several years now. My husband always remembers my birthday and so do my children but we limit what we spend. I don’t need any more stuff now but I do like things like plants or if they shout a restaurant meal for me. I think many males just don’t get into the present thing, at least in our family.

also, times are hard for people and if like me he has worked right up to yesterday there really hasn't been much time to shop (and I feel this was made worse by the snow)

I have to remind my husband to buy for his Mum and other family. He cares about them deeply but just seems to be crap at this

Yes I think I would be hurt but he hasn’t missed you out he’s got you something. My two both don’t live near but have both being to visit one came before he flew on holiday and won’t be back until tues the other has being but I’m going up later in the week. Boys aren’t always good at buying things all i can say is it’s good job I’ve got two daughter inlaws lol but I’d not compare my two sons against each other’s gifts and if you like me when mine say what would you like for Christmas I always say nothing expensive save your money for the kids stuff.

Hurtful yes. Tell him. My Son was always good with presents. However, he's now estranged from me and I would be grateful if he was to just ring my doorbell.

Dh and I don’t do presents. Dds and gc are given a token amount in cash from us to buy or put towards something they want. Personally I don’t want/need anything thing. We’ve just replaced our TV which covers Christmas for each other.

I'd feel hurt too, specifically I'd resent the implication I was on a par with aunt.
Your resentment despite being totally understandable is not enough reason to harm your relationship with your son. You must pretend you love his arrangement.

Cabbie21

So glad to read your response, OP.

Conversation in our house two days ago.
DH: How did we sort your Christmas present?
Me: I have no idea how YOU sorted my Christmas present.

Yesterday, a parcel arrives via Amazon Prime.
DH: it is your present. Do you want it wrapping?

Oh - I recognise this one. I remember my late OH once saying something along the lines of "Your present is a problem - I don't know what to get you"

I told him: "It is not a problem it is a joy!" - with a smile.

Oh please don't feel hurt - a waste of energy and potentially destructive in many ways.

You get on well with him - that is all that matters.

I get a bit fed up with people having to pass "the present test" at Christmas. Too much, too little, not properly wrapped, same as someone else's, ..... and on it goes. He remembered you and you get along with him - sounds good to me.

He is who he is - he does present-giving his way - give him a hug when you see him and tell him how much you enjoyed the contents of the bottles.

Cabbie21. Mr.B is also a user of the royal ‘we’ in these sort of situations. Luckily he has many good qualities too.

CraftyGranny,he did think of you first by ensuring that you had first choice.

To be honest with you I buy all my own presents for myself from my husband in the summer, give them to him and he wraps them for Christmas by which time I've forgotten what I bought. Keeps us both happy. Some people are present givers and some aren't. Also, if your job is all consuming, it tends to take up most of your waking hours in the modern world with emails and mobile phone messages coming like 49 busses in some jobs. Enjoy the wine and raise a toast to him when you drink your first glass.

Goodness knows what I'd get if son bought my present. probably a bottle of something, just like yours.

Fortunately DiL buys them and chooses brilliantly usually online as they are very very busy.

I think it's as simple as a lot of men just don't have the right chip in the brain - or are used to a woman in their lives buying things and "hitting the right note". Probably they grew up seeing their mums taking care of presents, girlfriends take care of presents, and so on, so they've never bothered to think it through.

This opens an interesting question - do men care as much about whether the presents they get have been chosen with sensitivity and appropriate......

Cabbie21 🙄🤣

So glad to read your response, OP.

Conversation in our house two days ago.
DH: How did we sort your Christmas present?
Me: I have no idea how YOU sorted my Christmas present.

Yesterday, a parcel arrives via Amazon Prime.
DH: it is your present. Do you want it wrapping?

BTW. It doesn't mean the son doesn't notice things and doesn't care - my "Christmas eve shopper" son recently noticed a sibling was struggling with something and generously sorted it out at considerable cost to himself (and as a surprise).

I, on the other hand have spent maybe 8 hours researching and deciding on his Christmas gift. He will never know as he'd think it was ridiculous.

Some people are just not good shoppers and don't really feel so excited about gifts.

One of my sons is a bit like this. I don't honestly think your bottle situation would bother me as I'd assume he'd just bought everyone a bottle in one trip in a rush.

This is like my son who went out after work on Christmas Eve one year (aged about 25) and bought everyone in the family expensive gifts of either jewellery or fragrance!
He'd been in 2 shops. In one he had them all wrapped!

Doesn't actually mean anything. He loves you.
Enough!

.y son would be the same ! He loves me dearly, but he has no clue about gift giving. I'd suggest just accepting the gift and enjoying the wine . He thought of you, that's all that matters.

I think it’s understandable that you feel the way you do, and I would very likely feel the same. Could you tell your son very casually that each time it’s “whichever for whomever” instead of “this one right here is for you, mom”, you feel sort of..deflated? That’s how I would describe it, like the air in your cheer balloon has been let out. It’s so impersonal the way he’s doing it, as if the thought doesn’t count.

I feel rather hurt that he ranks me on par with his Auntie

Maybe it's the other way round, and he ranks his Auntie on a par with you?

You've got a sister you're very close to, and now a couple of bottles to share and socialise over for some time to come. And you did get first choice!
Sounds perfect to me 🙂

(I'd be more than happy with a bottle of gin!).