Hacked off that I’m paying!!

I would ask the theatre if they can resell. Mine has been able to do this at times.
Otherwise the money is lost anyway so I take pleasure in giving them to someone. However if I wasn't well off, I would take some payment if offered.

When the good friend asked you for the full price of the ticket, what did you reply? That would be the time to have negotiated the price of the ticket. By now it is too late you either stump up the money which you say you can afford or let both your friends down. Your choice. As you say Lesson Learnt.

Well it would certainly have been better that way doodle but I still would always say ‘how much’ to anything I was given unless they said ‘I ve got a present for you’
If a friend said I ve just been shopping and know you d love these I say ‘ oh thanks so much, what do I owe you’ and then they say say ‘nothing it’s a present’ or they say £5 ! We all know where we are then,
Maybe it’s an affluent thing if people don’t have a problem with prices they don’t think others have either

I do know what you mean, BlueBelle, but I suppose I’m looking at it from the point of view that the money’s lost anyway unless the ticket can be sold. I think the friend should have made that clear, not expected the OP to ask. ‘I can’t use these tickets. They were £40 each, and I wondered if you would like them for £25 each so they don’t go to waste’ or something.

But doodlebug if you paid £30 or £40 for a ticket not everyone would be able to afford to lose that sort of money it’s fine to say you would expect it to be given free but my expectations (as a low income person) would be quite different
The only way is to ask the question ‘how much’ at the time of the offer then it leaves everyone in a clear state of mind with none of this embarrassment
Because you don’t want to let the widowed friend down you ll have to go and pay the money but always ask that question at the time of the offer in future saves all this bad feeling and muddle

I agree with biglouis. Just say that you cannot afford the ticket on top of the train fare. You know I was in a similar situation, but it was I that had a spare theatre ticket. My husband was unwell and could not go. I asked a friend but made it clear, I did not want the money as I felt she was doing me the favour. Everyone's circumstances are different though. You know she looked up the price and offered the ticket money, lovely gesture, but I refused. However, I could afford to do that, at the time. I realise not everyone is so fortunate. Friends have to be honest and say what they can/cannot afford. Sadly, as this year passes, I can see a lot more situations where people will have to think about prices of things.

I think there’s a difference between offering something on social media to the world at large, and asking if a friend would like them. I would assume that an offer from a friend would be a gift, as that is how I would do it myself.

As the tickets are useless to the buyer they aren’t worth anything anyway, unless the theatre has a returns policy - my local one will give you a percentage back if you cancel and someone wants the tickets. You can call them within 24 hours (I think( of a performance to see if there have been any cancellations. Maybe you could suggest that the buyer tries calling to see if your theatre will do the same, if the other friend is ok with that?

Not had this situation but people often sell on tickets on social media but often at a reduced price. I suppose I would expect to pay but wouldn't agree unless I really wanted to go.

Because of CoviD a lot of people have had to miss theatre and cinema shows and everyone I know has sold them on to friends or family
I m sure if I was offered a ticket the first thing I I would have said is ‘how much’ ? That gives you the chance to say Look sorry but that’s a bit too much for me without any muddle
Is the widowed friend getting hers free?
I guess you have two alternatives let the widowed friend know you can’t go after all or bite the bullet and pay and go and remember next time to get it quite clear before commitment

I would just tell the truth, you were going to keep your friend company and thought they had been given. Thank you but no if you have to pay.

does the widowed friend actually want to go to this particular event, or would she enjoy something else with you.
is she paying for her ticket.
the original people sound like meanies.
i would want to get out of this, on principle.
if it can be done without upsetting widow.
and avoid meanies hereafter.
don't let them manipulate you.

Oh - I see you e made your decision (I no longer have highlighted responses beyond the OP's opening statement for some reason.

Just tell her you were only going as a favour to keep friend company and otherwise would not be going. Tell her you are no longer going if you have to pay (and in the circumstances I'd decline outright).
Very simple.

Thank you for getting back to us. I agree with your course of action. It would be a great shame to let your widowed friend down, if you can afford to let that money go.
I'm sure she will appreciate your company, and her enjoyment will be your reward!
Sympathies from a fellow people pleaser!

Thank you for your replies. I am glad it’s not just me who thinks it doesn’t sit right..
The ticket seller knew that I will be going with the widowed friend. The ticket seller told me last week that she and husband would be unable to go and couldn’t get a refund/transfer to another date. It was me who suggested she offered them out rather than waste them! I can afford to go but wouldn’t have agreed to if I knew that we would be paying for the tickets. I can’t let the widowed friend down and if I say I don’t want to go she may end up paying for me. The ticket seller obviously knows that it’s not something I would ordinarily go to or she would have offered them to me during our conversation.
I think this is lesson learnt. I will in future establish all the facts before agreeing to something and stop trying to people please.

It's tricky if you don't want to let down the friend you were going to accompany, but don't want to pay for the tickets (and I'm not blaming you - you were only going as a favour!).

If I have followed the story correctly, I think the ticket-selling friend has got a cheek - did she expect the other one to go on her own?

Just decline, and tell them that you thought it was free.

Who needs enemys when you have friends like that.

Recently, my DH and I had to give away two tickets for a performance of Don Quixote by the Birmingham Royal Ballet in Plymouth, due to me testing positive for Covid the day before!

We donated the tickets to a couple who are staunch supporters of the Performing Arts in Torbay and we made it clear from the outset that we weren’t expecting them to pay. Knowing the tickets were being used and appreciated was reward enough!

Yes being a business woman I am very straight about money. So if I am selling something (rather than gifting it) I would say so up front:-

Hey good friend, I have these non refundable tickets which cost me £100 and I cant go. Would you be interested in them at say £50 the pair?

A win win situation where we both gain something if you agree.

Tbh I think I would have asked if I would be paying for the ticket and not rely on it being free.
It has become an awkward situation for you now as friend didn't specify that you had to pay and you hadn't asked.

I would be pretty hacked off too in your situation. Email the person 'selling' the tickets and say you have changed your mind, let her have the inconvenience of selling them on, if she's that strapped for the money! Then, plan something else with the widowed friend that you know you will both enjoy and is cost effective.

Although I agree with above, you don't mention the reaction of your widowed friend. I would talk to her first and explain (maybe you already have). I would say you would like to do something else together, as she may have been looking forward to the outing.

Then, having settled things with her, I would reply to 'ticket friend'.

You may also like to consider your reaction if widowed friend offers to pay for you.

PS: I wish in these situations that folk made it clear what they expect!

Yes, I completely agree with both the above. Just say, payment wasn't mentioned when the offer was made and this is not a show you would want to pay to see.

I would agree with biglouis. Say that it wouldn't be something you'd chose to go to yourself, and that to be honest, you can't really afford it. Apologise for the misunderstanding (even through it REALLY wasn't your misunderstanding).