Things I learnt too late in life

Enjoy the life I have now and don't fret about the past.

I only understand now when my late mom used to say "youth is wasted on the young" what she meant, cos now I'm old enough to get it. I always used to think "what she on about now". Wiisdom only comes with time ?

Never expect anything that way you will never be dissapointed.

Not appreciating babies and toddlers enough in my younger days. I remember hanging out with a close friend who had a large extended Irish family, so loads of small people around she was prone to wax lyrical about any baby or toddler she clapped eyes on with a "aren't they gorgeous" "God no!" thought I give me a kitten or puppy any day. That feeling stayed with me beyond having my own, far too wrapped up in the rigmarole of being a parent to appreciate babies per se. It was only after my grandchildren were born I had that lightbulb moment, of " aren't all babies and toddlers wonderous, anyone's, all of them, not just mine". I think David Attenborough when asked for his opinion on the most fascinating species, he replied, something along the lines of "the human child around 18 months" I completely get that now, took a long time..........I still love baby animals, but maybe they come a close second these days!

I wish I had talked to my grandparents more when they were alive to ask about their growing up years and memories of their grandparents. I was only 7 when my first grandfather died so it wouldn't have occurred to me to ask such questions. I'd love to have the experience to talk them now though, pretty impossible of course, all long dead.

I wish I'd had the nous and knowledge when I was growing up to appreciate that much of the religious dogma I was fed is in fact man, certainly not woman made and really children should not have their minds shaped by it, they should be able to make informed choices about religion once they are mature enough. .......the old adage of "give me the child until he is seven and I will give you the man" Nothing to be proud of there imo

freedomfromthepast

There are some good suggestions on here. And I agree with every single one of them! For me it is:

What another person thinks of me is none of my business. It is ok for people to not like me. All that matters is what I think of me.

Always do what is right, even if it is hard. Even if you are the only one doing it.

Give without expecting it to be reciprocal. And that goes for time, money, gifts, etc.

Be kind, even if you have to not be nice.

You are allowed to say no. No does not require an explanation.

Never keep people in your life that mean to do you harm, even unintentionally. Even if that person is a relative by birth or by marriage.

Keep your mind open to others thoughts and experiences. You will likely learn a lot about the world at large just by listening.

I agree with all your thoughts here freedomfromthepast! There's a thread running through a lot of answers here, are we the last generation of those who have been suppressed and manipulated , mostly from our own families?! We appear to have grown in strength in spite of our horrid experiences and embraced the best of wisdom, even if you get gens think us past it, I bet we're the first to wear jeans well into our dotage!!! And look bloody good doing so! We've spanned life from post war nothing- Ness to the current highest of tech too, the first to have spent all our working lives growing up with technology seamlessly moving from typewriters and Banda(!) Machines to Bluetooth and wi-fi! Aren't we clever!!!!

Difficult this one. How can one not look for love in the wrong places when there's none to be had in the 'right' places?
Also, don't assume that children will be a joy. There as likely to be the root of anguish sadness and bitter regrets.
Don't be distracted by a pretty façade, true ugliness is usually hidden.
Trust our first instincts , we're usually right!
Give someone enough time for their true beauty to unfold. Don't be dismissive.
Don't act in haste as boy ! We sure do regret at leisure..........

learn about boundaries and use them
Report abuse to the police
Red flags mean danger - stop, not slow down. If it's a person you don't need to be with, don't be with them. If it's someone you are tied to somehow, protect yourself and work out what to do to keep away from them

Dont be guilted into being a people pleaser - please yourself! When you get to your 60s and beyond youve earned it! Think of the huge amount you contributed to the community through the work you did and the taxes you paid.

Get toxic people out of your life sooner rather than later and DON'T let them back into your life.
Don't put up with anyone treating you without respect.

I know the feeling only too well Calmlocket sadly for both of us,and your very welcome.

Be kind.
Try not to moan.
Travel hopefully.
Have a thankful heart

Glad a few people found my post helpful

And Stella, I truly hope not. Those have not been experiences I'd wish on another person.

Yes, I learned and grew from them, but there's gotta be an easier way!

VioletSky

That my mother didn't love me just because society thought she should and that there was nothing wrong with me, it was her.

I wish for the sake of my mental health I had estranged her the first chance I got and saved myself an awful lot of upset.

This has taught me so much about valuing the good people in my life instead of those who only worry about appearances or being right.

Me too.

There are some good suggestions on here. And I agree with every single one of them! For me it is:

What another person thinks of me is none of my business. It is ok for people to not like me. All that matters is what I think of me.

Always do what is right, even if it is hard. Even if you are the only one doing it.

Give without expecting it to be reciprocal. And that goes for time, money, gifts, etc.

Be kind, even if you have to not be nice.

You are allowed to say no. No does not require an explanation.

Never keep people in your life that mean to do you harm, even unintentionally. Even if that person is a relative by birth or by marriage.

Keep your mind open to others thoughts and experiences. You will likely learn a lot about the world at large just by listening.

There's more to life than having a boyfriend and getting married.
Communication is a good idea.

Nurture yourself and your loved ones
Trust your instincts
Two dogs, a garden and at least one walk in open countryside daily are Good Things

Sallywally1

Thread on mums net. Thought it might be interesting on here too! Any pearls?

Can you link to the MN thread please @Sallywally1

Saying no
Being kind
Listening to people

That my gut instinct not to marry my ex was right.
That what you see of relationships on the outside are not always as they seem.
That unwanted sex is actually sexual assault and you do not have to put up with it in marriage.
That no matter what you do for your kids or how well you bring them up doesn't mean they will find time to speak/visit once they grow up and leave home.
That coersive control can sneak up on you and over the years change you.
That living on your own is quite liberating.

Staying in an unhappy marriage is not worth it

Its ok to say No.
Dont rely on others for your happiness, only one person can and its you.

If you move away, family and 'friends' (who can) will only visit if they want to see you, in other words, no visits = they don't really care enough about you.

Everyone else is not better than you, as I was brought up to believe.

I was not left on the shelf.

It's not compulsory to get married as soon as possible.

MercuryQueen

That just b/c someone claims to love you doesn't mean they do. If someone loves you, it should feel that way.

Intention does not negate impact.

Family should treat you better than others, not worse.

Forgiveness does not equal reconciliation.

It's better to focus on what you have vs what you don't.

Other people's expectations do not equal your obligations.

'No' is a full sentence.

Don't set yourself on fire to keep others warm.

'Respect' and 'obey' are two completely different things.

You can't be everything to everyone. You won't be liked by everyone. But that's okay, b/c you don't like everyone anyway.

Listen to your gut.

Absolutely spot on @MercuryQueen

These are mine too. You articulate them so well. I wonder if you and I have learned from similar experiences.

Alioop, So very true!

That inside every bully there's a coward - stand up to them at the very first instance and they usually back down.

That I'm just as good as everyone else - no better, no worse.

Fail to prepare - prepare to fail.