To wish she would be the same with us?

As a young mum I worked as a cleaner/ ironer five mornings a week 9-12 , I was fortunate to be able to take my children with me ( they were very good, would nap or sit and colour for the 3 hours)
Most of my clients came via a local estate agent, two ladies in particular stand out, one an Italian lady with no children ( I’m in the UK) moved to my small town with her husband who traveled for work a lot. The other was a French lady again with a husband away for days at a time. Both of these ladies were open about feeling lonely and isolated at times.
Anyway, when my children started school I was invited to go for a meal out, I declined at first as felt very uncomfortable but over time did agree and it developed into a mutual friendship. One lady returned to London after a few years but the other was a friend until her husband passed away and she moved to live with her grandson.
I remember with much affection these ladies who were so kind and gave so generously. So my advice is don’t push a relationship, one will develop if it’s meant to be.

Yellowmellow

Why is it people have to make snide and nasty comments? I never quite get it. The lady expressed a view that she would like a better relationship with an employee. No need for these snidey comments

The lady, or possibly gentleman, expressed a wish for a closer, more personal relationship with an employee. The employee did not reciprocate. Yes, they are being unreasonable.

Perhaps she’s strong on professional boundaries. Makes life easier in the long run in my experience (not with personal staff - never had any), especially if something goes awry.

Imagine being friend with your employer and you do something your employer doesnt like or agree with - totally unrelated to your work

Does the employee have to be scared to lose her job for that?

so you are taking it as a serious query then ?
those who are not are replying in a jocular vein.
which is not rude but for entertainment value.

That is beside the point. If you read some of the comments they are just plain nasty and unnecessary and that is my point.

No she didn’t *YellowMelow, she expressed a view that she would like a closer, more personal, relationship with an employee. It seems that the employee doesn’t reciprocate.

Work and social life keep separate

Yellowmellow

Why is it people have to make snide and nasty comments? I never quite get it. The lady expressed a view that she would like a better relationship with an employee. No need for these snidey comments

The lady asked AIBU. That necessitated us either agreeing with her or not.

To me the kind of relationship for want of a better word that OP is describing to the various women who work for her, was quite usual in the 1950s and 60s where although cleansers, home-helps, housekeepers or whatever they were called were paid to do a job, a pretence was kept up in many families that these women were family friends.

My mother had this kind of relationship with our daily help, but today I think most people, both employers and employees , prefer a more professional relationship.

It sounds nice to say, "she is as much a friend as an employee" but it has its disadvantages: it becomes nearly impossible for the one to complain about the way the other is behaving and makes terminating the agreement practically impossible without a lot of hard feelings.

I would never expect an a person I was paying to do a job to become a friend - if they do become a friend, well and good, but it would make it harder for me to ask them to do the job they had originally come into my home to do.

So yes, to me OP, you are being unreasonable.

If you are satisfied with this person's work, keep her on, but don't try to make her a friend.

Why is it people have to make snide and nasty comments? I never quite get it. The lady expressed a view that she would like a better relationship with an employee. No need for these snidey comments

I think it's weird to have a 'friendly' relationship with staff. They are paid to do a job - not to be a friend

We like our gardener. He and DH chat about all sorts, not just gardening. He's very interesting and a great source of local information. Just as well he doesn't charge by the hour ?

I think it's weird to have a 'friendly' relationship with staff. They are paid to do a job - not to be a friend. You can't 'buy' friends, and shouldn't try to!

You are actually employing a person/s by giving regular cash payments for the services they carry out for you.
Do you see this payment more as a 'thank you' ? hence what seems a friendship between you ?
Although appreciative of what is done for you it is no more than employer and employee.Maybe a gift at Xmas no more than that.

I’ve never had cleaners etc. but can’t ever imagine wanting to socialise with them if I did. I would imagine it could lead to taking liberties...on either side.

Socialising with household staff is very unusual and should only ever be a professional relationship. Expecting a housekeeper to become your friend is a strange request, unwelcome by your housekeeper I would imagine.

Why doesn't the housekeeper collect the kids from swimming?

What the old saying about ‘mixing business with pleasure “.

I presume you have a large house and the need for a housekeeper / cleaner and I presume you need to keep a professional relationship with your staff I don’t remember Downton Abbey staff having close relationships with their Lord and Lady if the house. Keep it on the right level!

The person is doing a job of work. Respect her and leave her to choose who she wants to be friends with.

My Dad as a child lived with servants when his father was posted to India with the army.
We used to think that was terribly snobby and they should have done their own chores.
He explained that the servants came with the house, and if his parents hadn't employed them they would have been most unpopular as the local workers relied on the army families for their livelihood.

I just think in her case, perhaps OP’s too, it’s an affectation but no, it doesn’t matter what she’s called, the answer remains Yes.

Does it matter though?

MissA, I know someone living alone in a small cottage who calls her cleaner her housekeeper. She only does the cleaning, doesn’t order food/supervise other staff or any of the things a proper housekeeper - who literally keeps the house in order and the household running - is employed to do.