People who talk about themselves all the time

Ps, my husband on the other hand....doesn’t know how to get out of it. I often have had to make up some minor emergency to get him away!

MissAdventure

Funny you should say that, because I have been really unwell, and came back to my flat after being in hospital to find my washing all tangled up, rained on, and blown about the ground, and my plants all dead outside my flat.
Strange how it never occurred to anyone to do just a couple of things to help me.

Aww, bless you. Exactly. Where was your neighbour then? I would definitely have sorted your washing out for you, because, as your neighbour, I would have known you were away. ?

She does do things for me, but they are on her terms.
She is a funny old stick, there is no harm in her, but I was quite upset (still am, really)

When you have a problem you certainly soon find out who your friends are. Funny how they seem to be busy or not bother until they want something.

This has happened to us many times, but now I am on my guard which is totally against my nature.

Just yesterday my neighbour asked how my brother is (he's quite poorly). That's nice I thought. It was just a way in. I heard how a similar thing had happened to a friend of hers. She died. I heard how she can't get in touch with her gardener. How she needs decorating doing. What she had to eat on her birthday meal. All the time I was trying to add a few séntences but she carried on and on. It doesn't help that she's quite deaf and doesn't wear her hearing aids. Impossible really.

After my first TKR I found who my real friends were. Interestingly, they were not necessarily, who I thought they were! I really appreciate them.

Yes I have a friend who does this. She has to hold court at any gathering, and talks about herself and people we have never met/not interested in. She also often makes personal remarks on our children, personal appearance etc. She doesn’t realise that she is often in ‘time out’ from members in the group. We make sure we don’t do it all at once, but it gives us space so we don’t get so fed up we want to cut ties for good. She has a heart of gold underneath, but is a lot work.

Kate1949 I know about the "finding a way in"!
My neighbour will buy me a cake (that I don't want) then sit down and tell me a complete run down of her day so far, in every single detail.
She fetches a chair and sits on the green outside my flat but keeps shouting questions through my door.
It's incredibly stressful!

I have a close friend like this , I love her dearly but ... . Our get togethers are becoming less frequent and I dont ring her so much now as I'm always left frustrated.
The entire conversation is about her , what shes been doing , her health , grandchildren etc etc . She usually slips in a question or two about my family and news but doesnt bother to wait for an answer . I've long since given up .

It's a shame because I dont remember her being like this when we were younger .
If I do get an opportunity to talk , she is silent then doesnt comment and switches it back to herself .

I am sad as I feel that the friendship has waned because of this . I no longer enjoy her company like I used to . I dont want to be the listener while someone else drones on and on about themselves all the time .

I try to think of it as a mental health issue, but it is hard sometimes.
I hear all about the afternoon film she watches everyday.
The whole film, start to finish, and I could weep!

MissAdventure

Funny you should say that, because I have been really unwell, and came back to my flat after being in hospital to find my washing all tangled up, rained on, and blown about the ground, and my plants all dead outside my flat.
Strange how it never occurred to anyone to do just a couple of things to help me.

That's such a shame Misadventure.

Sorry - MissAdventure

MissAdventure Your neighbour's behaviour is a total nightmare and you are a very kind lady to put up with it! I'm sorry to sound bossy but you must start limiting your contact with her as the stress she's causing won't help your health. When she appears at the door tell her you have to rest on doctor's orders. If she waylays you outside say hello and keep walking. She may have problems but sounds thick skinned so if you're not available she'll move on to someone else. She has family and is not your responsibility.
Sending you hugs

MissA I agree it is stressful and for some unknown reason we put up with it. I can't bring myself to be horrible and you are obviously the same. I feel like screaming 'I'M HERE AND I'VE ALSO GOT A LIFE/PROBLEMS'. My neighbour is 93 but we"ve known her 40 years and she's always been the same. If she rings our bell, my husband runs upstairs!

Gosh MissAdventure, that sound icredibly difficult - almost as if she doesn't receive social cues very well? A compulsion to watch the same film over and over again is something my daughter would do who has a complex learning disability. I wonder if there is any way you could break the cycle of her coming round every day? though it seems even being in hospital didn't break the cycle (are you ok btw?)

Beswitched, I'm sorry about your Mum. The friend sounds really bloody annoying.

My neighbour now walks all around my flat, sheiding her eyes and pressing her face against my windows.
Then, when I finally relent says "Oh, there you are! I was worried about you. Anyway... then launched into the next installment of her day".
Blooming woman!

I have noticed this happens to me most of the time now that I am really old and look it. The only people who take me seriously are on an online discussion and they don't know how ancient and how poor I am.

Thanks for the condolences. I think, in the case of this particular friend, she has a difficult husband and mobility problems herself so is probably stuck inside listening to him complaining a lot of the time. She seems to see her friends as an audience and fails to realise that a conversation is a 2 way process.
I feel sorry for her, but also don't have the energy for her at the moment.

Cafe Au Lait wrote:
" Those people can be easy to talk to if you don't want to put much energy in. Just let them talk and nod away yourself."

You are right, and I have seen two or three wise people putting this into action. However am bothered by the feeling I am disrespecting them if I don't take them seriously.

I work with one and it’s so tiring all I hear is about her no other conversation!

I had a friend of over 15 years like this! Goodness knows how I put up with it for so long, underneath it all she was a nice person, but it was her, her, her, she would even interrupt something I was saying to make it about her again! If I said about a friend who was ill the conversation would then be oh when I had that! I only saw her on average once a month for couple of hours, but it was exhausting ? after one particularly bad meeting, my husband asked did I have a nice time, I couldn’t recall much I’d said she had taken over the whole couple of hours, she might just as well have been talking to herself, needless to say we don’t have contact anymore

I wanted to find out if it was worth having my tv repaired, and of course, my neighbour came in the second the man came to look at it.
She was shouting over our conversation "Nope! It's not worth her paying that! You're not going to pay that are you? You can buy a new one, it's not worth it!"
I did on that occasion say "Look, mind your own bloody business, woman!"

I have come across people who not only turn the conversation to themselves but also appear to be an authority on my life. Comments on my style of furnishing, my clothes, my hair and things that I find interesting to do and they don't. It says more about them than it does about me and I gradually decrease the time I spend with them as I find them draining. Friends should bring joy and laughter into our lives not make us feel unhappy in their company.

I think you are going to have to move MissAdventure !!!

There is the way of looking at people as either 'radiators' or 'drains'. It sometimes helps if you look at people that way.
MissAdventure your neighbour sounds a just plain nightmare!