Do people get pleasure from letting others down?

This drives me nuts and seems to have got worse and worse. Whether selling stuff or giving it away we have been let down by people over and over again. We've given some really nice things away too, I can't fathom it.

We sold a full set of books to someone. A sought after set that was in good condition. The woman said her DH was ill, not long our of hospital, the books would be great for him to pass the time, so could we please deliver. As I felt sorry for him I agreed. When we got there, we were left on the doorstep, in the pouring rain, while the supposedly bed-bound DH got back from the shop - where he had walked to go get the cash.

I might add she lifted the box of books into the porch to keep them dry.

I am so tired of people doing this. To me an appointment, whatever it is, is set in stone. I would only let someone down myself if I was very ill and really could not make it.

It’s not just this type of thing though because generally, in the modern world nowadays, a time is only a rough guide with a half hour, often an hour, either way.

The other thing that has driven me mad over the last couple of years are the ‘no shows.’ It might be party, a quiz night, a trip somewhere and people think it’s okay to just not show up, or cancel at the last minute. As one of those people who put herself out to arrange things for others I’ve just learned that it’s not worth the effort and I’ve stopped. Sadly, it makes the world a more boring place, but I finally woke up to the new ways.

I held an event for some women and fifteen were booked in but only five showed up, it was really embarrassing as I’d booked a top speaker and she was extremely put out. I didn’t hear a word from the no shows.

I miss the old days!

Such bad manners. Nothing annoys me more when you are expecting someone to call be it in person or in the phone.

When I advertise on the selling sites I always ask them to let me know if they can’t make it for any reason just a short message will do - so far that seems to have worked

Unreliability is a trait that I find totally unacceptable and unforgivable. Fortunately all friends and family are in agreement!

I agree with everyone, I think a lot of humans are completely thoughtless, self centered, no empathy, rude and several will try anything to get out of paying. It makes me very cross. If I am ever late for an appointment, I will ring to let them know. I wouldn't dream of trying to get out of paying for items.

I hate unreliability and unpunctuality - to me they go hand in hand and show that whoever's doing it thinks that their time is more important than mine.

I've stopped seeing a friend who would routinely leave me standing at our rendezvous place for 10 minutes or longer because she was chatting to a neighbour and 'couldn't get away', or cancel at the last minute because she got a better offer. The final straw was when she arrived 15 minutes late (I was waiting outside in the rain) because she'd seen a dress she lived in a shop window on her way, and stopped to try it on. She seemed to think that this was ok (the dress looked perfect for a function she was attending), and that I was unreasonable to be annoyed.

What's so hard about leaving the house with enough time to get to where you're going, not to stop on the way if there isn't time, and telling a neighbour that you can't chat because you are on your way somewhere? Last minute cancellations are equally selfish, I think. If I have arranged to meet someone and get another invitation I just say sorry, but I can't make it as I'm doing something else.

Life happens sometimes, and cars break down, or people are ill, but nine times out of ten if someone really wants to be on time they can be. It comes down to not putting yourself first all the time.

I am quite laid back and dont assume people are being rude if they are late or dont turn up as long as I get a message I am happy. Life is so stressful and busy for us all so I prefer to cut everyone some slack and hope the same for myself especially during these times when people are under added stress. Life is too short to get worked up about other peoples short comings and as I realise I am far from perfect myself I dont feel inclined to criticise others. As for missed appointments it might be a memory issue!

there are so many time wasters on facebook marketplace, it's endemic

I wouldn't dream of not being on time for an appointment or, even worse, not turning up at all.
Recently we were having a new patio laid. We contacted a local company, they measured the area,gave us a quote which we accepted and advised us on different types of paving. We made our choice and they went off to order it. Later they contacted us with a start date for the work. We never saw or heard from them again!

I honestly do not think these people get any pleasure from letting us down. I think they just do not realise that we feel let-down!

There have always been those who just did not bother to turn up if you were selling anything. I believe there thinking is, well I decided I didn't want the thing, or didn't want to drive that far, the seller will have realised that that is what happened.

I find this attitude rude too, but there isn't really anything we can do about it.

Tradespeople who say they will come at a certain time and then don't are a different matter, so are firms. I complain to them, if I am kept waiting all day for someone who neither comes nor phones to say he can't.

Quite often towards the end of the time frame they have given me, I phone up and ask whether I still can expect them, and point out that I too have other and better things to do than hang about waiting for them if they are not coming.

I don't know the law in France about quotes for work. In Spain no-one takes them seriously unless the quote has been notarised by the public notary. Then it is binding, so tradesmen don't usually bother responding unless you tell them which notary to send it to.

Could something similar be the case in France?

Unfortunately, it seems to be a common problem and not only with selling sites and tradesmen. It drives me mad.

It’s beyond me how people think it’s ok to let people down. At the very least call and tell people. It’s rude and selfish to do otherwise, in my book anyway!

Some years ago we needed to have a bookcase built in our sitting room.We had several carpenters come to quote, some did and some didn't, and we chose one who did a lovely job. Six months afer it was finished, one of the tradesmen who hadn't quoted rang and asked if he could quote for the job!

I would hope that those who let others down feel remorse, rather than pleasure, OP but I perfectly understand your annoyance. On a bad day I feel that I spend my life waiting for others to get their backsides into gear.

I don't think it's about cutting people some slack or getting worked up about others' shortcomings. It's about not liking being messed around.

The day when I waited in the rain for my friend who was late, I had had a trying day myself, juggling work, house things and so on. I would have preferred to cancel and take it easy, but I went because it was arranged, and I didn't want to let her down.

To be told that she had stopped to try on a dress, knowing that I was waiting for her was the final straw. If it had been a one-off it wouldn't have been so bad, but she was so rarely on time that I just couldn't be bothered with it any more. She seemed to think it was an endearing trait, and that people would understand because she was so busy and it was 'just the way she was', but it didn't occur to her to even think that others had things to do too.

I stopped doing the lunch meetings, and if I meet her for coffee I now just see her there, so if she's late I am warm and dry.

With nearly everyone having a mobile nowadays, you would think that would make it easier for people to text or ring if an appointment or arrangement cannot be kept.
Unfortunately, in some bizarre way I think that exacerbates the problem. Everything is so casual and blasé somehow.

I had a friend who was ALWAYS LATE whenever we said we'd meet for a coffee. I would sit for up to half an hour on my own waiting. She would arrive with the 'reason' that she 'just had to pop to the Post Office, or 'nip into the bank'. WellI would have liked to do those things too but I didn't because we had arranged to meet!
I nicely pointed out to her one day that if she was going to be late to let me know (by text) then I could get a few more little errands done too
She was most apologetic and has never done it since!
I think sometimes people are oblivious to the needs of others and think that their time is more important than yours. Sadly it will always be so. Set your boundaries and draw a line in the sand.

I've found where builders are concerned they have that much work on they don't seem to care who they let down. I've a guy working in my garden at the minute who just disappears off for hours doing other jobs. Told it would take a week, now in 3rd week. He's getting paid by job obviously not by hour and that seems to give him the right to come and go as he pleases. So annoying!

This is also one of my pet hates, especially with tradesmen, I have recently renovated my house and every workman we had let us down at some point.
Most recently was a bathroom fitter who said the job would take six days which turned into a month, his work was excellent but he was extremely unreliable, and when he did turn up he would be full of obvious lies, it turned out he had three jobs on the go at once.
I told him when he finished the job your work is second to none but I wouldn’t recommend you due to you being so unreliable and he agreed with me.

Strange that this popped up today as I sit here contemplating the same thing!
I try and avoid consigning things to landfill so offer Freebies on Gumtree. Initial enquiries flood in, people seem very keen, you make easy arrangements for them to collect and then, blow me down, not another word is heard. A simple, "I've changed my mind" message would be fine but no, they just leave you hanging.
It's difficult not to be wound up by such discourtesy.

I sold a table and chairs once the lady paid and took the chairs. She never returned for the table. I texted numerous times, phoned (no answer) left messages on her phone the last one being we were going to dump it if she hadn’t replied by a certain date. Never heard a word and that was 2 years ago!

I'm a stickler for punctuality and usually arrive for an appointment ahead of time, just in case I need to 'get my bearings' which might cause a delay.

I fully understand that 'the unexpected' can, and often does, crop up, so I don't mind people not being able to keep an appointment, as long as they let me know in advance.

'Unpunctuality' or a 'No Show - without apology or explanation' with a tradesperson would result in me NEVER using them again - PLUS an unfavourable review on their website.

Even before covid some tradesmen were unreliable. They make appointments or arrangements then cherry pick the easy, little effort for good price jobs and don’t bother letting you know they won’t be coming if your job isn’t. It’s seems to be the new way of running a business. Pride and having a good reputation doesn’t seem to factor in anymore. And tell me about a woman on her own trying to get a fair deal. We are sitting ducks.