Am I being over sensitive?

Absolutely ignore it. We’ve all gone so long without seeing people,we don’t quite know what to say when we do! I’m sure I’ve said some daft things. He’d probably be mortified if he thought he’d upset you. Obviously...you’re not moving in are you? You hadn’t even seen them for five months!! Or did you turn up with suitcases? Honestly....forget it. Enjoy your grandson?

Definitely carry on as normal. I have always been someone who says: something not right? let's take it out and look at it, talk it over. But since my boys married that doesn't always work and it's much better not to make a 'thing' about a situation, but just skate over it. All too soon little annoyances become great big dramas if you give them oxygen. I think quite often SILs and DILs are quite jealous if they know their loved one loves their mother as much (although obviously differently) as them. Men are fragile insecure creatures really!

GrammarGrandma Tue 14-Jul-20 10:41:08
Insensitive people brush off any offence by saying "it was a joke." What they don't realise is that some "jokes" are not funny.

True, there are unfunny jokes, and it can feel hurtful. Having said this, have a jokey response ready for next time, and don't let it get to you. You end up punishing yourself, and perhaps others - in this particular case the daughter.

Vetrep - we don't know the background, i.e. what kind of relationship you have with your daughter's partner. However, these are difficult times for all, as everybody else has pointed out; son-in-law may well feel overwhelmed and stressed, and a joke may have come out sounding like a grudge.
Sorry; you are being rather touchy!

GO AND SPEND TIME with daughter, grandchild, and even (grouchy??) soninlaw! You have been invited; don't cut off your nose to spite your face.
If I was your daughter I'd probably be upset that mum prefers whatever activity you pretended to be engaged in, rather than spending time with me, after months of not being allowed!

Spare a thought for those of us whose grandchild is on another continent, and the family visit planned for this summer is not going to happen. If they lived nearby, NOTHING would stop me from seeing them.

Could be his sense of humour. Give him a chance and if it does not happen again, just forget it. Good luck

You're not alone BlueBelle! I don't understand sentences written in initials either! It may be shorthand to the author who knows what they mean but spare a thought for those of us who don't!! I often read the whole comment just praying for clues about what the initials stand for! WTF comes to mind quite often!

Do go and visit - you've been invited and will love seeing daughter and grandchild. At a relaxed moment, just with your daughter, you could say you've been concerned about SILs comment - say you know it might just have been meant as a joke - and ask her if you should take it seriously, and if so what does she want you to do. She can use this opportunity to talk to you about any issues she may have, or simply answer the question. But when you have concerns around someone you love, it is often far better to raise them and have a non-judgemental truthful conversation about it all - not of course a rant! I don't think that is your style, but a good conversation with your daughter may really help all round. I wish you well.

Am I the only one who's said something stupid without realising it? A new daddy, probably shattered and trying to adjust to his new family. Please forget it. Your daughter has invited you again- GO. Enjoy this lovely time of your life, it will pass so quickly and you will surely regret turning down any opportunity you can to spend time with your adorable grandchild.

Only you know your daughter. From your vibes I think she may well appreciate your support. I would do my level best to meet up every time she suggests (as well as naturally wanting to, of course). I certainly wouldn't criticise SiL. That divides her loyalty. Never good IMO. Also, depending on how your relationship was pre-marriage, you could suggest meetings but perhaps not too often. Play this instinct, ear and love of her.

Ignore any negative connotations. Whether he meant it or not you have to let it go for your daughter’s sake. I’m sometimes a bit uncomfortable around my son in law’s sense of humour, but he’s been around for 15 years, he loves my daughter and their daughter, he’s a good dad, and it’s water off a duck’s back these days. Be the bigger person and don’t take the bait. Just smile sweetly and give him a big hug and say something like “aw you old softy that’s lovely, I’ll bring my suitcase”

Good for you. My SIL also makes unfunny jokes but I just laugh and respond with a witticism of my own. I learnt a long time ago that his problem is jealousy. DD finally told him not to push it since forced to make a choice he would not be pleased with the outcome. My lovely grandsons now 19 and 17 and I have shared their life from birth, and my relationship with them and DD as strong as ever.

I would have given a chuckle and big smile and said "OK, where's my room" making the assumption that he was joking. Then let it go. If he meant it otherwise, you will know in subsequent visits.

It is hard being a MIL if he does make any future comments like that laughingly say oh my God I would never dream of moving in with anyone young people need their space. I remember back to my MIL and as much as I loved her and we got on great We both needed our own space. I’m always here for you both to help in anyway I can to make life easier for you up to now you seem to be doing great. He is a new Father so will have his own insecurities. We will all tell you to keep a family happy you have to bite your tongue as once words are said they can’t be retracted . Praise your Daughter too and best of all enjoy your little bundle of joy.

Your daughter has invited you again, so sh'es obviously happy to see you. Does your sil have a dry sense of humour. Don't make an issue about one flippant remark. I remember 50 years ago when I was 12, a family member popped by and as I saw her coming, I said "Did you hear the kettle boiling?"She took offence and didn't speak to my mum for almost 10 years because of it. I'm very lucky as I can just pop into both my children's houses whenever I want and am never made to feel awkward. They do the same here.

Our sil is often ‘working’ or goes off to ‘work’ when we visit. We do think it is rude at times, especially when he just disappears! We ignore and just shout bye when we go- he shouts bye back! Don’t mention to your daughter!! We don’t - no point as it will only cause tension between them/us. We love visiting our daughter and the children and I look on it as his loss. He may be thinking if you’re there he’s off duty for a while? Develop a thick skin- after lockdown our 6 yr old granddaughter could hardly be bothered to greet us, the 4yr & 2 yr olds did. Hope she’s not starting sil behaviour? We tried to communicate with her but clearly she thought she’d got better things to do! Their loss I think (but still upsetting).
If she does it again I’ll mention to our daughter- in a quiet moment & not mentioning sil behaviour!

I agree with comments about not making a mountain out of it or in other words, don’t borrow trouble. Be grateful you have been invited. Enjoy your visits. SILs can be rascals but so can we! Lol! I also agree there’s a lot of stress with this virus! It’s made me a little cranky at times!

I would take every opportunity to see my grandchild and carry on as though nothing was said -- your daughter wants you to be a part of your grandchild's life and this is a precious time; but, if he does say it again, I suggest a joking comeback like, "You've said that a couple of times now, do you think you have enough space for hubby and me."

So one man made one remark and you're going to punish his wife! Have a word with yourself.

WFH = Working from home
WWYD = What would you do

Sorry to be 'ignorant' but what do 'WFH' and 'WWYD' mean?

I think that there's a male sense of humour that relies on putdowns. It's not something that women tend to do, so it can take us by surprise. You SiL may be missing male company in the lockdown.

My SIL can be very nice and welcoming but if he is stressed I think I annoy him by being there. That said I do ignore his remarks as I hope he’s joking. You must not be tooo sensitive or you will lose contact

Hi Vetrep...I understand that the comments made by your Son in Law would make you feel uneasy and that feeling would only come from someone like you who does not overstay their welcome and is considerate of others time. I would not say anything this time...but, as others have said I would say something if he comes out with such comments again. Your daughter has invited you over again...so go. Don't let the Son in law keep you away...it's as much your daughters home as it is his. Just be ready for him if he happens to make comments again. x

I'd of said, " Oh thanks for the invite, when's convenient"

I've had people stay too long in the past. It's awful. So if I'm unsure myself with close friend or family I have been known to say 'I don't want to outstay my welcome so I'll leave about ** o'clock, is that ok?' {Gauge the reply then and adapt or stick to the time].

I think it's fine if you say something similar to your daughter when you get there, then you're clear and can relax, enjoy the visit. Don't mention the SIL 'joke' but don't forget it either. Communicate with her re:visits.