Am I Jealous or is this normal?

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Honestly? I would get some counselling. I had some to deal with my MIL (accidentally - it was meant to be about another issue but turned out MIL was more of a problem). It’s been incredibly helpful - we’ll never be best of friends but it has helped me let go of what was said & to establish some boundaries (not religion related but similar sorts of things about controlling how things are done). And as a result we get on a lot better as well. I think the counselling just helped me care less about her opinion of me, so I stopped trying - and bizarrely that seems to have helped the relationship between us

Just let it go, why harbour so much resentment for what's gone. No one had a gun to your head when you married,you needn't have gone along with it, but you did. You have a happy marriage, your mil has learnt she needed to change. Let the couple enjoy their wedding their way, don't spoil it for them. Your mil has lost her husband, that is so hard, she needs support, it obviously has made her focus on just what is important.

Back again! I find new reasons to be angry with DH n in laws as the wedding saga n preparations progress. I just cannot contain my resentment for their interference not just at the wedding but also throughout the duration of our marriage so far. And already there are numerous incidents of how BIL is making independent decisions (and so he should!) and everyone is playing happy families. And i am sat in the corner privately seething. Had myself a private pity party earlier. I am so tired of feeling this way. I am livid at dh for being such a walk over and never standing up for us and sacrificing our wants for the sake of his family. I feel like a mug.

It’s more likely she likes bil better than dh and that’s why she’s so eager to accept his new bride. My guess there is a pattern there between the brothers. I’d be wary of what wil happen when the new couple has children.

So understand why this upsets you, Friday! Please congratulate yourself, though, on having smoothed the way for your SisIL2B! Also, I agree that the loss of MIL's mum may have softened her (reminded her of what's important) - and maybe the birth of your LO, too. She may realize now that BIL's marriage may lead to more GC and this may mean more to her than any wedding ceremony. I agree w/ others, too, that you and DH should take away the following from this - no need to cater to MIL's wishes for your lives/religious choices.

Sounds to me as if she learnt a valuable lesson in the way she dealt with you and her son? Good. Don't agree with people pushing their religious or political beliefs on other people. Just be happy that your experience with her paved the way for others.

yes you have broken the nould and all that, but it is quite understandable that your mental scars are itching . I listened too much to my mother in law around the wedding time, she managed to block perfectly reasonable things, and subsequently tried to dictate the children's baptisms. If you can strengthen yourself and stop her doing similar to you again am sure this will help. It took me too long to grow a backbone. One thing that I am determined though is should my children ever decide to marry, I will help if I can but will not interfere. In my experience keeping feelings buried inside isn;t healthy, they will come out eventually. Far better to confront them and deal with them. It's probably not jealousy, afer all whoo would wish such treatment on someone else, but anger at how your wishes were overridden, You will always wish it had not been as it was, but you can acknowledge the hurt and anger that you had to swallow. Talk to friends, , anyone who'll listen, a counsellor if you can manage to find one. Maybe you'll get to the stage where you can let your mil know how you felt, maybe after the wedding, you know if that might be a good idea. She may appreciate the chance to make amends and apologise, and that would likely help your relationship

Do you remember the film 'Fiddler on the Roof'? The father's expectations regarding his daughters' marriages changed with each successive relationship. Even with the daughter's marriage he thought he couldn't accept, he relented at the end. Your MiL has had her battle and found out it was all for nothing. Or perhaps DH's brother is not the favourite child? . In any case make friends your new SiL and let the past lie. Your MiL needs to address her own conscience - perhaps that is what she is doing this time around.

GrannyAnnie,
I am sorry you had a horrible experience. It is really difficult. I understand the logic of the situation. But i know i will struggle when i see MIL behave so differently with SIL. I will just keep reminding myself of all the advice from here and get through it.

You are not being unreasonable. I think she used the religion bit to make things difficult for you. You've got the moral high ground and can now bring it up whenever you want to. Do not let it eat away at yourself - let it out. You really have my sympathy. I've been there, said and did nothing in order to keep the peace, and now am a bitter person.

Let it go. If you are at all interested in exploring the Christian faith & furthering your journey as a woman, understand that we all grow & develop in life....even your MIL I take your word that she has been a cow. Forgive her, move on & develop a warm relationship & understanding. You will grow tall but it takes practice. I'm not suggesting you become a doormat, be confident in your opinions. The term religious means nothing, that is a man made construct. Faith, humility & sacrifice is what matters & will set you free.

You were the vanguard, Friday. Enjoy that your experience made MiL more amenable and less inflexible

Hello everyone,
Thank you all for taking the time to respond. The replies were really helpful and the common bit of advise is i should give myself a pat on the back for breaking the mould and making it easier for bil n sil to be. I never thought of it like that. Also, i found it useful to hear a MILs perspective e.g. when its your first child you are extra cautious and when its your fourth you are more relaxed. This makes me realise MILs behaviour was probably not a personal attack to me but it was her own mothering issues.
I look forward to getting to know the new SIL. Will be fab to have another young person around the dinner table on a Sunday. I am
Genuinely happy for the new couple. Was just sad for myself. Thank you again for responding.

I was about to comment when I read Bathsheba’s post. These were my thoughts exactly but so well put Bathsheba. As a Catholic I always felt I had to “toe the line” and was perhaps swayed by my mother’s wishes at times, even with regard to my own children. I should like to think I am more tolerant and as long as they are happy in their lives and marriages then I am too.

I think you should be proud of yourself and your husband, you've been instrumental in getting your MIL to change her outdated views because she's seen that you have a good marriage. Take it as a compliment. Don't be hurt and try to help your BIL and his fiancee in the lead up to their wedding, be happy for them and put past hurts behind you, there really is no benefit to you in holding on to those emotions. I suspect the dynamic between yourself and MIL will change and you'll grow closer if you both let bygones be bygones. Good luck.

I would let it go.the more you get worked up the more likely you are to explode.anyway its someone elses wedding so dont explode till after the wedding .mil in laws are a pain anyway.anagram of mil is woman hitler lol.i would be hurt too .but it is in the past.let it stay in the past and you both go to the wedding and support the bride

You paved the way for those two. Unfortunately, you still carry those scars.
I would stick up for myself from now on and don't bend to MIL or anybody's will. You have to guard your heart and takd care of your family. MIL is too proud to admit that her behaviour was wrong. We learn from our experiences, but we don't necessarily apologise for wrongdoings.

I wonder whether your mother in law has had time for reflection and realises she was wrong in your case and has decided to mend her ways. My father in law openly said that he would not accept my husband and I (we have been married 45 years now) were married as we had married in a registry office. Ironically the only son who married in church was divorced within 5 years. Just before he died (I helped nurse and suppot him during this time) he said he had been wrong about me and also about our marriage and regretted what he had said. Just be glad for his neither we can live our lives regretting things but we can't change them the only thing we can change is the present.x

Well you learn stuff as a Mother. The first wedding of a child of mine was in a church, and I more or less organised it. It was beautiful.
My last child got married in-promptly in Las Vegas . That’s what they wanted and none of his family or mine went.
We got over the disappointment and moved on. When they have children and their own children do the same to them, we will all be dead.
I have resolved to not to worry about others in my extended family and try and live every day as it’s my last.
I think the OP needs to accept that what happened to her was painful, but be glad for her husbands brother, that their Mother has learned.
Keep your mouth shut is my advice to all MILs, especially those who have sons.

I think the answer lies in how differently she treats her sons?maybe one is the 'golden boy'- and maybe its not your husband?

Maybe your MIL finally realises how unreasonable she was first time around and she now knows her sons can have a happy marriage with a non catholic, with my own Mam she wouldn't speak to me for a few weeks after I announced I was moving in with my hubby before we got married (we were engaged with a date set for the wedding), I believe this was because an older sister did the same then her partner kept putting the wedding off (they finally married 11 years after us) she believed that my future hubby would do the same, he didn't and she came around once she realised that our wedding plans were still going ahead, we got married on the date we'd previously set but when my younger sister moved in with her now hubby our Mam was fine with it, I was also quite narked at the time at how my sister living with her partner was fine but all hell broke loose when I did the same, try and accept that its probably not anything personal and try and build bridges with your MIL

Pat yourself on the back - i think she has learned a lot from your example, well done

I've read this quite carefully, particularly your posts FridayIsComing .You are clear that your problem is your feelings, which you would like to change, but that you 'can't help but feel angry and hurt... I can't snap out of it'. If you have read all these replies and they don't help you, have you considered one or two counselling sessions, perhaps with Relate? The website says you can 'Talk to a trained Relate counsellor by webcam or phone.' Good luck, whatever your decision. Be happy!

I read it as Little One.